


dragon song

by Evening_Winds



Series: dragon song verse [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, DRAGONS!!! sort of, Falling In Love, Fluff, Growing Up Together, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Pining, Slow Build, also eventually:, but also:, it’ll take a while but oh boy will there be angst, rated T just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 54,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23518960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evening_Winds/pseuds/Evening_Winds
Summary: One winter night, on a lone mountain overlooking a verdant valley, a child was born bearing the mark of a dragon.* * *aka the world is filled with secrets and mystery and unanswered questions, and so is raihan’s heart.aka housing a dragon spirit inside you can make life a bit more complicated than usual
Relationships: Dande | Leon & Kibana | Raihan, Dande | Leon/Kibana | Raihan
Series: dragon song verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776763
Comments: 183
Kudos: 228





	1. Prologue: Dragon

**Author's Note:**

> me in january: wow i can’t believe i wrote a fic with 13k words  
> me in march, staring at an outline/rough draft hybrid with 15k words: haha. ha. *sighs* oh boy
> 
> fantasy is my favorite genre and as a kid i wanted to be a fantasy author when i grew up, so i guess me jumping on the fantasy AU bandwagon was inevitable.
> 
> this was supposed to be nothing but a short and simple songfic, based on Dragon Song by Iiris. then i got Too Many Ideas and everything got out of hand. the initial inspiration is still very much noticeable and becomes more evident as the story processes, as does the fact that i’ve been re-reading Realm of the Elderlings lately
> 
> unbeta’d as always, and i still haven’t magically become a native english speaker. posting new chapters as i finish them. everything is pretty much set plot-wise; the chapters mostly just need to… you know. be written properly. i’ll also probably keep making minor edits to posted chapters as i go on because that’s just how i roll
> 
> anyway, here we go. starting with a double update (prologue + first chapter)

( _This is where the song begins._ )

( _Will you listen?_ )

* * *

* * *

There was a time, an Era, long ago, when they roamed the land, soared across the skies, swam deep beneath the ocean waves. They were called sinful abominations and holy beings both. They were slain mercilessly and worshipped as gods. Some say they were mere beasts; some say they were sapient; some say they were neither but something much more. Some say they gave humans their magic; some say they drained it from humankind and that is why only few have any real magical aptitude. Some say that they’re nothing but stories, legends, pure imagination, but those people are wrong. They were real. They _are_ real.

Dragons still exist. Just not in the way they used to – not as beings of blood and flesh and bone. Like all life, they change, adapt, evolve.

* * *

One winter night, on a lone mountain overlooking a verdant valley, a child was born bearing the mark of a dragon. This one took the shape of a complex sigil on the child’s chest, right over his heart. It is said that some marks were a blessing, some were a curse, some were both, some were neither. There was no way of knowing if this child had been touched by a deity of good or evil or the balance between the two or the absence of both, not until the dragon slumbering in his heart would wake up one day.

But even then, nothing would be certain.

The only thing that was certain was that the child would never be a mere mortal as long as there was a dragon in his heart.


	2. Pond

“Come now, Raihan. We’re almost there.”

The path from the village to the mountaintop was winding and long, and Raihan was growing weary. Up here, the air was thinner; it made it harder to breathe and keep up with his mother’s pace. He stopped for a moment and looked over the ledge down to the valley below. But it was nothing but a mass of different shades of green, the distance making it impossible to discern any distinct features and details.

He found he liked the view from his house better.

“I can carry you on our way down,” his mother promised, offering Raihan her hand. He caught up with her, clasped it tight and fell into step with her.

Once they reached their destination on top of the highest peak, his mother stopped and turned to him. “Do you remember what we’re supposed to do here?” she asked.

Raihan nodded solemnly in response, in the way only five-year-old children knew how.

They greeted the brass dragon statues on top the pillars, the imposing front gate made of dark stone and the great steel-reinforced doors of the temple before stepping inside. The air inside was stuffy – it had the distinct scent of dust and long-forgotten stories. After a long corridor wide enough for two carriages to roll through side by side, they reached the circular main chamber. Sunlight spilled in through the slit-like windows, illuminating the far end of the room. There stood a massive sculpture, nearly perfectly spherical, its smooth surface reflecting the light; and in front of it, there was an altar made of matching dark stone. Raihan let go of his mother’s hand and made his way to it. There was something etched on it.

The delighted smile that bloomed on Raihan’s lips nearly split his face in two. “It’s my secret see-chil, mama!”

“‘Sigil,’ my dear. It’s pronounced ‘sigil.’” His mother was by his side again and placed her hand on his shoulder. “And yes, you are right.”

She let Raihan stare at the sigil in wonder for a moment longer before she got down on her knees in front of the altar and gestured for him to do the same. They greeted the altar as well, the same way they had greeted the doors, the gate and the statues outside.

They sat still for a few long moments. Raihan shifted restlessly and stole a glance at his mother.

“Long ago, dragons were like us,” she finally began, directing her words at the altar. “You could see them, hear them, touch them. But then something happened. They were gone, but they didn’t disappear. They took a new form, and that’s what we call spirits.” She paused. “And sometimes, very rarely, a spirit puts its mark on a human.”

“Like me!” Raihan piped in, barely containing his excitement.

His mother smiled. “Yes, like you.” She turned to look at Raihan. “Those people are called dragon-touched. And that means…?”

“That there is a spirit that sleeps in me that I shouldn’t tell anyone about. And it will wake up one day.” Raihan spread his arms out wide and added, all smiles, “And then I can do magic!”

“Correct,” his mother said. “Some people say that every human has a bit of magic in them, but most just don’t know how to use it. But dragons know; they’ve always known.” She turned her gaze back at the altar. “And that’s why people whose dragon has awakened can use magic and are sometimes called Ascended Ones. Some become great mages. And even before the spirit awakens, its presence will affect your body and make it change.”

Raihan’s eyes widened in surprise. “Like in the stories?” he whispered in awe. Last Midwinter Night, a traveling minstrel with pretty, long white hair had been visiting their village and played a couple of songs about dragons and Ascended Ones. She had sung about glittering scales and glowing eyes, and Raihan hadn’t been sure whether she had been describing the humans or the dragons of old.

His mother nodded. “Yes. And when the changes eventually begin, some people may think differently of you.” She looked terribly sad for a moment. “And not all dragons are good, and neither is the world and the people who live in it.”

She fell silent and sat perfectly still. Raihan waited for her to continue.

After a time, his mother turned to him with a smile on her lips, but a glint of sadness remained in her eyes. “But you… You are a good person, Raihan, with a good heart. And no dragon or human will ever be able to change that.”

She then recounted several legends of the dragon deities and the Era of Dragons, different from the ones the minstrel had sung. Some were about kind dragons who helped humans and lived in harmony with them, whereas some were about scary and violent dragons and the destruction they wrought upon the world. Raihan’s distress caused by the latter must have been visible to her in some way, because she added reassuringly, “These are old tales, my dear. Some may be based on true stories, but it’s just as likely that they’re all work of pure imagination. So, you shouldn’t worry your pretty little head with such things.” She took Raihan’s small hand in hers and gave it a light squeeze. “After all, the only way to be sure what kind of dragon dwells inside you is to be patient and wait till the day it awakens.”

Raihan stared at the sigil on the altar, his mind awhirl, and nodded.

By the time they stepped outside again, daylight was fading fast and the first stars were already twinkling in the hazy half-light.

Raihan fell asleep, safe in his mother’s arms, halfway back to the mountainside village.

* * *

The small house Raihan and his mother lived in was the closest to a steep downward cliff, though a safe distance away and surrounded by a sturdy wooden fence Raihan was strictly forbidden to climb over. From his bedroom window, Raihan could see his mother’s garden in the backyard, and beyond the fence opened the vastness of the sky and the view down to the valley below: to the left, the forest with its winding paths spread far and wide; to the right, the fields of wheat and rye lined the well-traveled road which passed through the valley town before disappearing into the horizon. And out there somewhere was the great wide world, with countless other sights to see.

Raihan wanted to see it all one day.

His mother had told him that the world wasn’t good. Raihan thought it was a weird thing to say. He loved the world. It was so full of things that made his heart soar. This view was one of those things.

Every now and then, Raihan accompanied his mother down to the valley town, to buy or barter for things they couldn’t grow or gather or make themselves. The trek there was shorter than the one to the mountaintop, but she still didn’t like making the journey too often, preferring to stay at home in the safe, familiar miniature world she had built for herself and her son. But Raihan longed to explore the town and its surroundings, often wandering off but making certain not to lose sight of his mother for too long. Once he got a bit older, he sometimes even dared to descend to the forest by himself, each time making sure to bring back mushrooms or berries or an armful of firewood to appease his mother.

The world kept calling out to him, and he always listened keenly.

* * *

On one such expedition, Raihan happened upon a pond. First, he had come across a tiny stream that begun somewhere on the mountain. He had then followed it as it slowly meandered its way through the forest till it emptied into the pond hidden in a clearing in the woods.

The place had an aura of untouched serenity to it. Looking around, Raihan saw only one path leading to the clearing, but judging by its overgrown state, it didn’t see much use.

He kneeled down and stuck his hand in the water. It was clear and cold – the pond would be a nice place to cool off on hot summer days. Maybe he could even learn to swim. It seemed the water wasn’t very deep, at least not near the shore. And if he lay down on the soft grass – which he did – he could see the sky. But only a small sliver of it, encircled by trees as it was; it looked so different here compared to the view from his window he had gotten used to. Still, he liked seeing the sky like this, too.

He could spend days here, observing every minute detail: the birds chirping in the treetops, the small frogs sitting on the lily pads in the pond, the colorful beetles crawling in the raspberry bushes on the other side of the clearing. He noted that the berries weren’t quite ripe yet, so he’d have to come back later if he wanted to pick them.

And he would come back. Raihan smiled to himself. It was secret hideout to call his own, he decided.

* * *

It didn’t stay secret for even a year.

It was spring, Raihan was seven, and a pair of alarmed golden eyes stared at him as he stepped out of the forest and into the clearing that day.

The eyes belonged to a boy Raihan had never seen before. He was sitting by the pond with his knees hugged close to his chest.

“How’d you get here?” If Raihan hadn’t been so taken aback by the sudden presence of another human being in his hideout, he probably would have sounded a lot more hostile.

Still, the tone of his voice must have been harsher than he had intended as it made the golden-eyed boy flinch and turn his gaze away. “I guess I got a little lost…” came the meek reply.

Raihan sighed. He suddenly felt bad for reacting in such a way. It wasn’t the boy’s fault that he had gotten lost and ended up there. And there was no way Raihan was just going to drive the boy away; he was miffed, for sure, but he wasn’t _mean_.

Might as well try to strike up a conversation, then.

He made his way to the boy and squatted down next to him. “Well, you found a pretty great place by getting lost,” he noted jovially and with a hint of pride in his voice. It was _his_ great place, after all.

The boy cautiously tilted his head to look up at Raihan. Up close, Raihan could see that his cheeks were streaked with tears. “Really?” the boy whispered.

Did he seriously have no idea? In that case, Raihan was happy to be his guide to the wonders of the world. So he grinned, extended his hand toward the boy and said, “Let me show you.”

The hand that clasped Raihan’s was warm and the eyes that looked at him were now sparkling with excitement instead of tears.

And they kept sparkling for the rest of the day. The boy not only marveled at each thing Raihan showed him but also came up with a wide variety of games they could play, dozens of ways to initiate a friendly competition. He had a seemingly endless reserve of amusing ways to pass the time. He taught Raihan silly songs and rhymes and how to whistle with a blade of grass, was surprisingly good at catching bugs, and laughed so wholeheartedly that it was impossible for Raihan to not laugh along with him.

It was the most fun Raihan had ever had.

And so the bright hours of merriment flew by, eventually giving way to the slowly dimming skies as the sun begun to set and cloaked the clearing in a pleasant shade.

“Where do you live?” Raihan asked. “I can walk you home.”

The boy described his house to Raihan, slightly fumbling with his words. Raihan knew the house in question. It was located near the outskirts of the valley town and two stories tall, bigger than any of the buildings in his home village. He had been there a couple of times – at the front gate, anyway – delivering goat cheese or fruit preserves with his mother. The pleasant elderly lady they had discussed with each time must be the boy’s grandmother, then.

The boy was looking up at him expectantly, eyes wavering. Raihan gave him a reassuring smile. “I know the way. Follow me.”

On the edge of twilight, when there was still a wide stripe of bright orange above the horizon, they reached their destination. The boy – who had fallen silent and been tense for the entirety of their walk there – let out a relieved sigh once they reached the front gate. It looked like he was on the verge of tears again as he kept thanking Raihan for his help, squeezing one of Raihan’s hands with both of his own.

Eventually, he let go of Raihan’s hand and whispered one last ‘thank you’. As the boy unlatched the gate and slipped through it, it occurred to Raihan that they hadn’t properly introduced themselves. “Wait,” he said hastily before the boy closed the gate behind him. “I’m Raihan. How about you? What’s your name?”

Golden eyes blinked a couple times in surprise. “I’m Leon,” the boy replied, and after a moment of silence, he added, “But you can call me Lee.”

“Lee?”

“Yeah.” The smile that bloomed on Leon’s face was brighter than the sun. “That’s what my friends call me.”

* * *

Fortunately, unlike his new friend, Raihan knew his own way back home well.

It was dark out by the time he opened the front door and stepped into the kitchen. A bubbling pot of soup was hanging over the hearth, filling the room with a savory aroma. His mother was making bread, meticulously kneading the dough with her sleeves rolled up and her hair coiled on top of her head.

“I’m home, mama,” Raihan announced.

“Welcome back, dear.”

He had expected his mother to scold him. Not necessarily for leaving the village by himself – she never rebuked him for that when he got caught, at least not with words – but for not bringing anything back with him and staying outside past sundown.

Raihan helped himself to a bowl of soup and sat on the stool next to his mother. “I made a new friend today,” he continued and couldn’t help the pleased smile spreading on his lips.

His mother’s hands stilled at the words. “You did?”

“Yeah. His name is Lee,” Raihan explained, blowing on the spoon he had brought to his lips. “He lives down in the valley, in the big house with the nice old lady who buys our cheese.”

And his mother smiled, but there was a touch of sadness in her eyes. There always was. Well, maybe not always, but it was frequent enough that Raihan had taken notice of it.

She didn’t say anything else on the matter. Her hands resumed their work and Raihan ate his supper in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finishing this chapter was such a struggle for some reason, here’s to hoping the remaining ones are easier
> 
> ~next time: ~~magic?!~~ Promises~


	3. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyy i finally came up with my “signature” double-aka description for this fic that doesn’t spoil absolutely everything
> 
> also, trying to write this fic in chronological order is a real exercise in discipline for me  
> *longingly gazing at chapters 6, 8 and 9* i just wanna finish those........... and the last chapter........ i will power through......

A single beam of sunlight broke through the overcast sky and made its way down to the clearing. Raihan closed his eyes, feeling the waning warmth on his skin and taking in lungful after lungful of the scent of the grass he was lying on. For a moment, he managed to convince himself that it was still summer. A wide smile curled on his lips as he let out a pleased sigh. “This used to be my secret hideout, you know,” he said, slowly sitting up.

His words were directed at Leon who was sitting on the edge of the pond. It had become their usual meeting place. No one else knew about it, so it was all theirs. Most days, Raihan got there first even though Leon’s house was closer. He found it curious but didn’t dwell on it too much.

That day, he and Leon had climbed a tree, one of the big birches that lined the clearing. It had taken some determination and a bit of acrobatics, but soon enough they had been sitting side by side a good two dozen feet off the ground, surrounded by a veil of tawny and bright yellow leaves, munching on apple pastries Raihan had baked that morning and brought with him. Raihan had wanted to climb higher, but Leon had gently tugged at the hem of his shirt and told him to stop, pointing at a bird’s nest resting on a fork of a branch above their heads. “We shouldn’t disturb them,” he had said softly, and Raihan had relented.

Now, Leon was splashing his bare feet in the cold water of the pond. The ripples made the fallen leaves floating on the surface of the water twirl in intricate patterns. He looked over his shoulder at Raihan and asked, “What do you mean, ‘used to be’?”

“Well, you found it, too, so it’s not my secret anymore,” Raihan replied matter-of-factly.

Leon turned back toward the pond and hung his head. “Sorry…”

“That’s not what I meant, silly!” Raihan exclaimed and scrambled to Leon’s side. He waited for Leon to look at him again before he continued, “You and I became friends because you found your way here, right? So, this is _our_ secret hideout now.”

A familiar sparkle appeared in Leon’s eyes. “It is?” he asked, a smile blooming on his face.

“Of course!” Raihan assured and returned the smile. “And that’s way more fun, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Leon breathed contently. He let his eyes sweep across the clearing and added, “I like this place. And being here with you.”

Raihan grinned in response. He felt the same way.

They sat in comfortable, companionable silence, listening to the sounds of the water and the woods.

Leon wasn’t the first friend Raihan had made. He was friends with the other children in his village, obviously. He had known Sebastian, Camilla and Aria all his life, and they were fun to be around. They’d study and play together and help each other with chores. But there was something different about his friendship with Leon. Maybe it was the fact that it wasn’t forced by circumstance, unlike the relationship he had with his fellow village kids. When you lived in a small, tight-knit community such as the mountainside village, spending a lot of time with your peers was inevitable and you _had_ to get along with them. You didn’t really have any choice in the matter. Of course, it didn’t make those friendships any less legitimate – Raihan genuinely enjoyed the company of Sebastian, Camilla and Aria. But what he had with Leon was voluntary and he supposed that was partially why it felt so special.

A sudden, chilly gust of wind blew through the clearing. Raihan shivered and rubbed his ungloved hands together. He wasn’t looking forward to winter. He watched the swirling leaves caught in the current caused by Leon’s feet. “You’re gonna catch a cold,” he said after a while.

Leon gave him a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“The water’s freezing. Aren’t you cold?”

Leon looked down at his submerged feet, visibly perplexed. He lifted one of them above the surface; a couple yellow leaves clung to the wet skin of his ankle. “Not really,” he replied after a moment’s consideration.

Raihan shook his head benevolently and chuckled. “You’re weird, Lee.”

Leon laughed, and it was almost as if the sound made the world shine brighter. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

* * *

It turned out Leon had fire coursing in his veins.

And perhaps that made him weird, but who was Raihan to talk?

He was waiting for Leon by the pond, using a stick to draw maze-like patterns on the freshly fallen snow. He didn’t much care for the cold, but snow had its merits.

“Raihan!” Leon’s excited voice rang across the clearing as he emerged from the path leading toward his house. He dashed to Raihan as fast as his legs could carry him, stripping his mittens from his hands as he ran. “Hold these for a second,” he ordered, breathless.

Stupefied, Raihan stared at the gloves that had been thrust in his hands. “Lee, what - -”

Leon cut him off with an impatient gesture with his now-bare hands. “Just watch.” He clasped his hands tightly together and closed his eyes. He drew a steadying breath, and then his face scrunched in intense concentration. Raihan eyed him curiously but didn’t intervene.

After a few long moments, Leon opened his eyes and cupped his hands, revealing the tiny sparks that were dancing between his palms, twinkling white and yellow and orange.

“Magic?” Raihan breathed and leaned in closer. He could feel the faint heat the sparks were giving off. “That’s amazing, Lee!”

The smile Leon wore lit up his entire face. “Isn’t it? You’re the only one I’ve shown.” He shook his hands, scattering the sparks around. They burned brightly as they flew through the air and sizzled when they hit the snow-covered ground. “Madame Opal has been teaching me,” Leon said.

Raihan’s eyes widened. “The Wizard? Really?”

Leon nodded enthusiastically and explained, “Last week, she saw me and my mom walking in town, looked me in the eyes, took my hand in hers for a second and told my mom that I should become her student. She called it ‘innate magical aptitude’ or something like that.” He shrugged. “From what I understood, it just means I can learn to control fire.”

Hearing about the encounter made Raihan involuntarily shudder. To his mind, there was something vaguely threatening about the local mage. It was as if she could see right through Raihan and crush him like an ant if she wanted to. Maybe she was somehow aware of the dragon, like she had been aware of Leon’s magic just by looking at him and holding his hand in hers.

“I wish I could use magic, too,” Raihan muttered and kicked at the snow. He could barely wait for the awakening of the dragon. “I envy you,” he admitted to Leon before even realizing it.

“Please don’t. I’ll never reach the level of mages of legend, anyway,” Leon said dismissively and took his mittens back. “All of them had spirits who made their powers stronger.”

Raihan felt a sudden urge to shake his friend by the shoulders. “Don’t belittle your ability! It really _is_ amazing!” he chided. Leon averted his eyes and didn’t say anything, so Raihan continued, “Madame Opal isn’t dragon-touched either and she’s a very strong mage. Apparently stronger than some Ascended Ones, even.”

Questioning golden eyes were suddenly on him. “Ascended Ones?” Leon repeated, puzzled. “What’s that?”

“Uh.” Raihan froze for a second. Was this a secret, too? But it would be suspicious not to explain. “It… It means those whose dragon has awakened. People who can use the dragon’s magic,” he said and tried to sound casual.

Leon nodded in understanding. He didn’t ask why Raihan knew the term.

Raihan wasn’t sure why he hadn’t told Leon about the dragon yet. He could tell Leon his secret, right? Leon had told him his, after all. A secret for a secret – it was a common exchange to make.

He was then reminded of the ever-present sadness in his mother’s eyes and had the feeling that she wouldn’t approve. He clamped his mouth shut and bit his tongue.

Either not noticing Raihan’s predicament or gracefully choosing to ignore it, Leon kept their conversation going. “Yeah, well, she might not have a dragon spirit inside her, but Madame Opal’s super ol- -” He paused abruptly and cleared his throat. “I mean, she has _reached a respectable age_ ,” he said in the voice he used whenever he imitated his mother and Raihan had to stifle a laugh. “And she has done pretty much nothing but magical training all her life,” Leon continued and let out a sigh. “Honestly, I don’t really want to study that much. Just the basics are enough for me. I’ve never been that interested in magic, anyway. I’d rather practice my lute instead.”

Raihan perked up. “Your lute?” That was new.

“Oh. Um. Yeah.” Leon shifted his gaze to the ground and mumbled, “I’ve been playing, and singing, since I was four. So, for over three years now, nearly four.”

Raihan resisted the urge to physically jump up and down in excitement. Like magic, music was something he loved but couldn’t produce himself. Not yet, anyway. “I wanna hear!”

“I - -” Leon halted and met Raihan’s eyes again. “You do?”

Why in the world did Leon sound so taken aback? “Yeah!” Raihan assured. “I’d love to hear you play!”

“I’ll bring my lute with me next time,” came Leon’s shy response.

* * *

Raihan was nine when the first draconic features started to manifest.

He had noticed them one morning as he was looking at his reflection in the small mirror hanging on his bedroom wall. Tiny, translucent scales had pierced through the skin along his hairline overnight. They weren’t visible unless you got really close, but Raihan could feel their tapered edges whenever he smoothed his hair back.

His mother had looked at him with that familiar sorrow in her eyes. A couple nights later, she handed him a headband she had knitted. “Wear this.”

Raihan put it on obediently and did something he had never done before: asked why.

He thought his mother wouldn’t grace him with an answer. But then she asked, “Do you remember what I told you when we visited the temple?”

She had told him many things back then, so Raihan had no way of knowing what she was referring to. He stayed silent and waited for her to continue.

“The changes you are undergoing can attract the wrong kind of attention,” his mother finally began. “There are people out there who only wish to take advantage of you and the dragon’s magic. They may seem nice and trustworthy, but they are only playing pretend, hiding their true intentions behind flattery and empty words. They take, take, take, and give nothing back in return.” The worry lines on her brow deepened as she placed a hand on Raihan’s shoulder. “I’ve seen it before, and I don’t want you to experience that. So, I want you to be careful, my dear child, for sometimes a person’s greatest enemy is another person.”

It was awfully lot for Raihan to wrap his head around. “Is that why your eyes are so sad when you look at me sometimes?” he asked.

His mother turned to look out of the kitchen window and nodded.

But she didn’t explain. It was a private kind of sadness. Silent. Hidden.

Once Raihan had learnt to notice it, it had occurred to him that it had always been that way. He couldn’t remember a time when his mother hadn’t been like this. Her world had always been smaller than his, its size decreased by the walls she had built around herself due to a fear he couldn’t understand and she refused to explain.

Raihan surmised adults were allowed to have those sorts of feelings.

“I just want you to be safe,” his mother whispered after a time, her gaze never leaving the world on the other side of the windowpane. “I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“You won’t, mama,” Raihan swore and took her hand. “I’ll never leave you. And even if I go away for a while, I’ll always come back.”

She didn’t reply. Raihan didn’t ask any further questions. He had a feeling that his luck had run dry and he wouldn’t get any more answers.

She had her own secrets, and Raihan would do as she wished and guard his own. At least for now.

* * *

The sun had gone to sleep hours ago and so should have Raihan and Leon. Instead, they were resting their elbows on the windowsill in Leon’s room, chatting the night away in hushed tones, hiding bubbly laughter behind the palms of their hands. The window was open to the night, admitting in a gentle late-summer breeze and milky moonlight. Raihan told Leon about the stars, naming all the brightest ones and pointing out every constellation he knew. Leon nodded along and asked questions, his eyes twinkling with wonder.

As Raihan was explaining the meaning behind the name of one the constellations, a star suddenly fell out of the sky. It burned a line across the star-speckled darkness, never stopping to greet its stationary brethren, appearing and vanishing in the blink of an eye. The boys gasped in unison at the sight. Hastily, they closed their eyes and placed their left hands upon their hearts, as you’re supposed to do when making a wish on a shooting star.

Raihan didn’t have to think twice about what he wanted to wish for.

After a moment of silence, he whispered, “Are you done?”

“Yeah,” Leon responded in an equally quiet voice, and continued before Raihan had another chance to speak, “What did you wish for?”

Raihan let out a sigh and opened his eyes. He had wanted to ask Leon first, even though it didn’t really matter – after all, it’s said that only wishes shared with someone else could be fulfilled, and thus Leon would have to tell him his either way. So, he turned to Leon and conceded, “That we’ll be friends forever.”

Leon blinked a few times in surprise and then started to giggle uncontrollably.

“What’s so funny?” Raihan asked petulantly, unsure whether he was supposed to laugh along or be offended.

It took a few moments for Leon to calm down enough to reply, “I wished for the exact same thing.”

Raihan’s heart jumped pleasantly in his chest.

Oh.

“Well, in that case, it’ll have to come true,” Raihan reasoned and grinned. “We’ll make sure of it.”

“It’s a promise, then,” Leon declared with glee. Without another word, he brought his left hand up and lightly touched his lips with the tips of his third and fourth fingers. He then extended his hand toward Raihan, palm side up.

Raihan knew what the gesture meant – it was an age-old tradition, the sign of an unbreakable bond, a promise to always stay by each other’s side and never part.

Leon tilted his head a little and smiled at him, as brightly as ever. “Right?”

With no trace of hesitation, Raihan mirrored the gesture with his right hand and placed it on Leon’s, lacing their fingers together. Leon’s hand was warm against his, and they fit together effortlessly. “It’s a promise,” Raihan said, echoing his friend’s words and smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~next time: ~~friendship is a beautiful thing~~ Revelations~


	4. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter got longer than i expected because the boys didn’t want to follow the outline but instead decided to be extra cute. what was i to do? not write more cute stuff??? yeah right

“You don’t have to walk me home every time, you know.”

There was a soft edge of rebuke in Leon’s words, and Raihan thought he detected a tinge of self-deprecation and embarrassment in them, too.

He and Leon had been playing by the pond, as per usual, for the few precious daylight hours the short winter day had offered them. When the sun had started to set, Raihan had accompanied Leon to the path leading to his house, also as per usual. Even though walking Leon home meant a lengthy detour in the freezing cold for him, he didn’t care. He liked Leon’s company more than he hated the chill. And, whenever he was with Leon, he didn’t feel all that cold in the first place.

Smiling mischievously in an attempt to lighten the mood, Raihan remarked, “But if I wasn’t here, you’d probably end up wandering all the way to the capital.”

It worked. Leon laughed and lightly shoved his shoulder. “I’m not _that_ hopeless with directions!” he protested.

“If you say so,” Raihan teased and grinned from ear to ear. Leon stuck his tongue out at him in response.

As they continued walking, Raihan looked back to the day a year prior when he had realized that Leon never took the most direct route to the pond. It had been only a few days after Leon had showed him his magic for the first time. In retrospect, he should have noticed Leon’s tendency to get lost sooner – not only because that’s how they had first met, but also because Leon emerged to the clearing from a different direction almost every time and sometimes got there way later than they had agreed to meet.

When confronted about it, Leon had stubbornly insisted that since he always managed to reach his destination sooner or later, he never really got lost. Raihan, however, had been quick to shoot down his line of reasoning. He had practically shoved Leon to the path leading to his house and let him lead the way. And whenever Leon had been about to take a wrong turn – which had happened often – Raihan had laughed benevolently and pointed him in the right direction, drawing his attention to big rocks and scraggly trees and other landmarks along the way. It had taken five or six journeys to his house and back again, but Leon had eventually committed it all to memory. Nonetheless, Raihan had decided that he would start escorting Leon home, just to be safe. And that’s what he had been doing ever since.

In all honesty, he would have done it even if there was no risk of Leon getting lost. He liked spending time with Leon, and any excuse to do so was a good excuse.

While lost in thought, Raihan’s smile had changed into a more serious, contemplative expression. The tone of his voice was serious, too, when he asked, “But what if I want to walk you home?”

Leon let out a delighted chuckle. “In that case, I guess I can’t stop you,” he replied and directed a toothy grin at Raihan. After a time, his expression softened. “It’s nice, though,” he admitted with complete sincerity. “I like it when you walk home with me.”

“I’ll keep doing it, then,” Raihan promised cheerily.

They had reached the familiar stone wall surrounding Leon’s house. “I appreciate it,” Leon said as he opened the gate and stepped inside. Raihan leaned his elbows on the wall and watched as Leon made his way halfway across the yard, turned around and waved at him. “See you tomorrow, Rairai!”

Raihan smiled and waved back before turning on his heel and starting his own journey home.

‘Rairai,’ huh?

He liked the sound of that.

* * *

The blackcurrants in his mother’s garden had ripened, the heavy bunches of fruit hanging so low that they almost touched the ground. With the late-summer sun beating down on his back, Raihan was picking the berries, stems and all – not only was it faster that way, but also once the berries were juiced, the stems were easy enough to sieve out. Leon was right beside him, harvesting leaves to be dried and used for tea. At the other end of the garden, Sebastian, Camilla and Aria were gathering pale yellow-skinned early-season apples. The trio was laughing at something and their cheerful voices tugged the corners of Raihan’s mouth into a smile of his own.

That’s when Leon inquired, out of the blue, “What do you wanna be? When you grow up?”

Raihan’s hands stopped their work as he turned to look at Leon. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s just that Sonia… You remember her, right? My friend who moved to the big city a few years ago to live with her grandmother?”

Raihan nodded. He had never met the girl, but Leon talked about her a lot.

“I got a letter from her the other day,” Leon continued and stashed another handful of leaves in the basket next to him. “She wrote that she wants to be a scholar, like her grandma. So, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about lately.”

Raihan hummed in response and absently poked at the hole in the row of his upper teeth with his tongue. It was the result of a baby canine that had fallen out not long ago. The tip of the permanent canine that had started to erupt on the other side of his mouth felt sharper than his other teeth.

Fangs. Dragon’s teeth.

“Beats me,” he mumbled after a few moments and returned to his task. “Haven’t really thought about it.”

It was a lie. A white lie, perhaps, but a lie nonetheless. Raihan _had_ thought about it; he had been entertaining the notion of becoming a traveling mage. But unlike Leon, he didn’t have any innate abilities, so revealing that would have been weird. He couldn’t tell Leon the whole truth, but maybe a part of it was enough. “But I’d like to see the world,” he added with a shrug.

“Same here,” Leon responded while idly twirling a blackcurrant leaf between his fingers. “I’ve actually decided that I want to be a minstrel.”

“Oh?” It wasn’t that surprising, really. Raihan had heard Leon sing and play countless times, and it was obvious that his friend was going to become a very talented musician.

A bashful smile had appeared on Leon’s face. “Yeah. Journey from town to town, bring people joy through my music. Chronicle the deeds of others and write songs about current events to teach the ones who come after us.” His eyes were sparkling, like they often did when he got excited about something. “And maybe even discover long-forgotten legends, like the ones about dragons!”

The words made Raihan flinch. He reflexively readjusted his headband to make sure his scaling was hidden. Over time, the scales on his face had grown larger, turned opaque and taken on a darker color with a reddish, iridescent sheen to them. They nearly reached his eyebrows now, and there were some on the tips of his ears, too. He didn’t like hiding it from Leon, but… He had to. That’s just how things were.

“I know!” Leon exclaimed merrily, pulling Raihan back to the present. “You and I could travel together!”

Despite everything, Leon’s smile and excitement were infectious. “Sounds good,” Raihan replied. “Let’s do that.”

“Performing in front of others still makes me nervous, though,” Leon said somberly, resting his chin in his hands. “I wonder if I’m really cut out for being a minstrel…”

“Of course you are!” Raihan smiled reassuringly and suggested, “How about you sing me something? For practice’s sake.”

A smile broke on Leon’s face as well. He never declined Raihan’s requests to sing, so he sang a myth he had recently learnt, The Legend of Giratina. Even without the lute accompanying his voice, the song was full of life and bravado. Sebastian, Camilla and Aria had also stopped to listen and cheered loudly once Leon had finished. Laughing, he got to his feet, took off his hat and bowed at their general direction.

“Your singing was really good as always,” Raihan noted once Leon had squatted next to him again, “but that wasn’t a very nice story.” According to the song, Giratina was an aggressive dragon known for its violence who eventually was banished to another world that was nothing like the one they lived in. Calling the tale ‘not very nice’ was putting it lightly.

The shy, pleased smile that had spread on Leon’s face at the praise faded. He regarded Raihan with his head tilted in confusion. “Well, not all dragons were – or are – nice. I’ve heard a lot of stories like this.”

“I guess…” Raihan mumbled, avoiding Leon’s gaze. He had heard a lot of stories like that, too. His mother had told him some when they had visited the temple, the villagers recounted them to pass the time in the evenings, the minstrels sang them on the streets and in the tavern every Midwinter Night in town. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of dragon was slumbering inside him. A dragon like Giratina? A curse? Raihan barely held back a shiver. “Don’t you know any… less gruesome songs about dragons?” he asked Leon to get his mind off the subject.

“Well…” Leon looked thoughtful. “There’s this one I was going to sing at the naming ceremony tomorrow…”

Right, the ceremony! Raihan was looking forward to seeing Leon’s baby brother for the first time. The ten-year age difference was quite drastic in Raihan’s opinion, but it didn’t seem to bother Leon in the slightest. He was so proud to be a big brother now and was always telling Raihan about anything and everything his brother did.

“Could you sing it?” Raihan asked. “Or do you want to save it for tomorrow?”

“Sure I can,” Leon smiled. “You’ll get to be my practice audience.”

It was a song about the heroic adventures of a dragon-touched mage called Lance. Raihan really liked it – it was a cheerful and thrilling tale, the complete opposite of the previous song. The chorus was catchy and easy to remember as well, so by the third refrain, both he and the trio working at the other end of the garden were singing along.

In the middle of the song, Raihan’s mother came to the garden, carrying more baskets in her arms. She stopped next to the vegetable patch and watched them fondly. Raihan noticed that, for once, there was no glint of sadness in her eyes.

* * *

This time, Raihan managed to keep a secret for two years. A vast improvement, if you could call it that.

That day, Raihan had gone to the pond early in the morning, right after breakfast, to wait for Leon. The early spring air had been cold enough for him to see his breath coming out of his mouth in white puffs, so he had wrapped his cloak tighter around himself and hidden his gloved hands in his pockets on his way down to the valley. Leon had arrived shortly after, and the day had grown significantly warmer as the hours went by.

He wasn’t thinking when he took his gloves off when they got too hot to wear. For a moment, Raihan had forgotten that scaling had recently started growing on the backs of his hands as well.

And before he realized it, Leon had grabbed his hand and was staring at it with astonishment clearly visible on his face. “Rairai, what are these?”

Oh shi- -

Raihan flinched and jumped back, prying his hand from Leon’s grasp.

They stared at each other for what felt like hours but was, in reality, only a few seconds, Leon utterly confused and Raihan scared stiff.

Eventually Raihan let out the breath he had been unconsciously holding. Whatever. He had been careless, so he might as well come clean. And, on second thought, it was inevitable that this would happen, someday.

Still, the day had come sooner than he had expected, and he wasn’t sure how to address the subject.

Maybe it would be easiest to just show Leon.

“The truth is…” Raihan began and tentatively took off his headband. The scaling covering his brow was stronger, the scales bigger and more vibrant in color than the ones on the backs of his hands. He fully expected Leon to recoil in disdain upon seeing them, but instead his golden eyes widened in realization and filled with… awe?

Wringing his headband in his hands, Raihan spat, “What are you looking at me like that for?”

Leon didn’t take his eyes off his face for even a moment. “They’re beautiful…”

Suddenly flustered and unsure how to respond, Raihan lowered his eyes and fumbled the headband back on again. In the ensuing silence, he sat down, too overwhelmed to stay standing up, and hugged his legs to his chest.

“Look, Lee,” Raihan sighed at length. “I’m sorry I never told you about… You know.” He gestured at his face. “This. Being dragon-touched.”

Leon sat down next to him. “It’s all right. I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you want.”

Raihan knew Leon wouldn’t. Still, he couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling in his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut, rested his forehead on his knees and let a tense silence fall over them.

It was as if the woods and the pond were also holding their breaths.

“Can I ask you some questions?” Leon blurted out after a minute or two.

Raihan let out a long exhale through his nose. “Sure, why not.” The truth was out, so sating Leon’s curiosity wouldn’t probably do any more damage.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“I…” Raihan lifted his head to dumbfoundedly gawk at Leon. “Wait, what?”

“I don’t know what it is,” Leon said earnestly. “Tell me.”

Raihan scowled. “I thought you were going to ask me about the dragon.”

Leon crossed his arms, stuck his nose up in the air and fake-scoffed. “Fine, if you don’t want to tell me…”

Raihan blinked in confusion. He had no idea where this conversation was going. “It’s… I like blue, I guess,” he mumbled.

“Blue’s nice.” Leon unfolded his arms and beamed at Raihan. “What kind of blue?”

Raihan considered the question. “You know that deep blue the sky gets when the sun has almost completely set? I like that.”

Leon hummed approvingly. “Good choice,” he said and lifted his eyes up to the sky. “When it comes to blue, I like bright blue the best.”

Unable to sit still, Raihan pulled up blades of grass while he waited for Leon to continue. When it became clear that he wasn’t going to, Raihan asked, “Are you seriously not going to ask anything about the dragon?”

Leon looked at him and grinned. “If you insist. Let’s see…” He closed his eyes and tapped his chin with his index finger, deep in thought. When he opened his eyes again, they were lit with excitement. “Can you teach me how to bake bread? The one you brought with you the other day was - -”

“ _Lee!_ ” Raihan cut him off. “I’m serious!” That’s what he said, but he was laughing.

“Okay, okay,” Leon giggled. “Three more questions, then.”

Raihan snorted. “Serious questions this time.”

“The previous three were serious questions, though,” Leon countered.

Raihan rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Fine. Here goes.” Leon’s voice was more solemn now. “One: You had a reason to not tell me, right?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Raihan nodded.

Leon nodded as well. “Two: Not that it matters, but was it a good reason?”

Was it? Raihan had to think about it for a moment. “I thought it was,” he muttered. He had never doubted his mother’s advice on this matter. But what if she was wrong? It was entirely possible. After all, she had said that the world was a bad place, and that obviously wasn’t the case. “But I’m not so sure anymore.”

Leon fell silent for a long while. Then, with cautious enthusiasm in his voice, he ventured, “Three: Does this mean you can use magic, too?”

“No… But, apparently, once the dragon awakens, I should be able to.”

A smile blossomed on Leon’s face. “What kind of magic?”

“That was question number four,” Raihan shot back but with no real rebuke in his voice.

“Sorry.”

“No you’re not.” Raihan smirked, but the smile fell away when he said, “But to answer your question, I… I don’t know. Yet.”

“I’d love to see it, anyway.”

“Then I’ll make sure to show you.”

“So, that means…” Leon paused. “You won’t push me away now that I know about it even though I shouldn’t?”

The whole situation was absurd to Raihan. Shouldn’t _he_ be the one asking Leon that question? “Number five. Can’t you count?”

“Shut up,” Leon laughed. “Be honest with me. This doesn’t change anything, right? We can still be friends, just like before, can’t we?”

“I mean…” Raihan hesitated. Could it really be this simple? “If you want to.”

Leon placed his hand upon Raihan’s, coaxing Raihan to turn it over so he could press their palms together and intertwine their fingers. “Don’t be silly, Rairai,” Leon smiled softly. “Of course I want to.”

* * *

His heart felt so much lighter, but it was also filled with worry when he stepped through the front door and into the kitchen.

His mother was making dinner, chopping up vegetables to add to the stew simmering on the hearth.

“Mama…” Raihan began cautiously as he made his way to her side, “Lee found out.”

Astonished, his mother turned to look at him. “You hadn’t told him?” she asked. “Isn’t he your friend?”

Not the reaction Raihan had been expecting. “He is, but…” He trailed off and bowed his head.

“Oh, my darling child.” In a matter of seconds, his mother stooped down and pulled him into an embrace. The comforting scent of pine lingered in her hair. “I… I wanted to protect you, for you to stay safe for as long as possible. But we also need people who we can trust, who we can cherish. And I’m glad you have found a friend like that. Craving those kinds of feelings of mutual connection… It’s what makes us vulnerable, but it also makes us human.” She stopped hugging Raihan but let her hands rest on his shoulders. She then pushed his headband up to press a kiss on his scaly forehead and continued, “The world is a cruel place, as are the people who live in it. So, when you find a person like that, who you can trust and who trusts you and accepts you fully as you are… you should hold tightly onto them.”

Raihan wanted to protest, to tell her that the world was nothing but wonderful. But she looked so terribly sad again, her eyes looking far away, like that time by the altar in the mountaintop temple and when she had given him the headband, so he swallowed the words. Worrying his lower lip, Raihan wondered whether she’d ever tell him the reason for that sadness.

For an instant, it almost seemed like she was going to. Her mouth was open, but no words came out. Shaking her head, she chose a different thing to say. “Tell me, dear. Do you trust him? With all your heart?”

“Of course I do,” Raihan replied right away, with no hesitation.

With a small smile and an even smaller, relieved sigh, his mother concluded, “Then, when it comes to him, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Overtaken by relief, Raihan threw his arms around her and hugged her tightly. “I love you, mama,” he whispered. Not only did it feel like the right thing to say, but it also was an unwavering truth.

His mother still feared the world outside. Raihan knew that. But now he had come to understand that her own private world included Leon, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~next time: ~~boys will be boys~~ The moon~


	5. The moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasp* two chapters this week? i'm on a roll

Raihan was sitting at the kitchen table with his pen and inkwell, studying his numbers, when he heard someone knock on the windowpane. Glancing over the loaves of bread he had set to cool under a cloth on the windowsill, he caught a glimpse of wild hair outside.

“What the - -” His task at hand completely forgotten, Raihan hurried to the window, unlatched it and stuck his head outside. Looking up at him was a pair of familiar golden eyes, their corners crinkled by a wide smile.

Leon was bouncing on the balls of his feet with his hands innocently clasped behind his back. “Hi, Rairai.”

“How’d you… What are you doing here?” Raihan blurted out. He wondered how long it had taken Leon to get there and how many times he had gotten lost along the way just to see him. Hopefully not too long and not too many.

“I’m feeling reckless today,” Leon replied casually, as if it explained everything. And, in a way, it did.

Raihan choked back a laugh. “Oh, you are? In that case, we should do something reckless.” He smirked, flashing his sharp canines at his friend. “Any ideas?”

After a moment’s consideration, Leon’s eyes lit up and he replied, “I wanna climb on the roof.”

Raihan’s smirk transformed into a full-on grin.

“It’s steeper than I realized,” Leon observed.

They were standing in the back yard now, full of vim and vigor, studiously eyeing the peak they were going to conquer.

“We’ll manage,” Raihan assured and, being the taller of the two, decided to go first. He scrambled on top of the rain barrel and from there he was able to grab hold of the gutter. After a few attempts, he managed to sling his other leg over the eaves and clamber on the roof. Then, making sure he was perched securely and wouldn’t slip, he took a firm hold of Leon’s wrist and hoisted him up as well.

Wasting no time at all, Leon scaled the roof on all fours and pulled himself to his feet in one fluid motion once he reached the ridge. Raihan followed, albeit a bit more cautiously, and watched as Leon walked along the ridge of the roof with his arms outstretched to balance himself. His every step, every movement was deliberate and steady. Still, Raihan’s breath hitched when Leon stood on one foot right on the edge and gracefully whirled on his toes to turn around.

After a few moments, Leon came to a stop right in front of Raihan and peered up at him. He didn’t say a word, but there was a challenge in the quirk of his lips.

Clenching his fists, Raihan followed his friend’s example and scurried from one end of the roof to the other and back again, putting conscious effort into making sure that he did it faster than Leon had.

It didn’t go unnoticed to Leon. “You’re such a dork,” he laughed once Raihan had finished the show he had put on.

Raihan grinned right back at him. “You’re one to talk.”

Playfully bickering back and forth, the boys sat down side by side next to the chimney. The wooden roof boards were slightly warmed by the sun, the skies above the autumn-colored valley shone brilliantly clear, the pale figure of the moon hung high above the horizon. Raihan took in the glorious scenery and the warm shape of Leon beside him.

Leon drummed his fingertips against the roof and said, “I should’ve brought my lute.” He glanced over his shoulder and watched the villagers milling around. “This would’ve been a nice place to play.”

Raihan found it delightful to see just how much more confident Leon had gotten with performing. “Not a bad idea,” he noted. “But wouldn’t it have been tricky to get it up here? At least in one piece.”

“Yeah, probably,” Leon admitted a bit sullenly. “I need a bag for it.”

Raihan nodded and made a mental note about it. He liked sewing and he wasn’t half bad at it, but something like that was above his skill level. For now.

They had sat in companionable silence for a while when Leon changed the subject. “I like it when the moon is visible in the daytime.”

“Me too,” Raihan smiled and looked up to the moon as well. “It’s comforting.”

“How so?”

Raihan hadn’t expected such a question. “It’s like…” He waved his hand in the air, as if it would help him gather his vague thoughts and help him put them into words. It didn’t, so after a time he said lamely, “It’s like a reminder that even though you can’t see something all the time, it’s always there. Or something like that.”

It wasn’t a very good explanation and he knew it.

But Leon leaned his head on his shoulder and said with a smile audible in his voice, “I get you.”

It took Raihan by surprise. “You do?”

Leon stayed silent for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his words came so softly that Raihan barely caught them. “You’re my moon, Rairai.”

Raihan was rendered speechless. How was he supposed to reply to that? Was Leon his moon too? The sentiment matched, of course, but the imagery didn’t quite fit. Leon reminded him of something else… But what? He was like every shining shade of spring and summer, warm and bright and constant - -

Leon interrupted his thoughts with, “What’s that on the mountaintop?” He had turned around while Raihan had been lost in thought, now sitting facing the mountain instead of the valley.

Raihan turned around as well to see that Leon was pointing at one of the spires of the temple. Now that he thought about it, Leon had never seen it. The temple was too far away to be visible from the valley and at such an angle in relation to the mountainside village that it had taken them climbing on the roof to spot it. “It’s a temple for one of the dragon deities,” he explained.

“Which one?” Leon asked.

Raihan opened his mouth to speak but then closed it. “…Huh. I don’t actually know,” he admitted. Not that he knew many deities by name, anyway. It seemed that most of the names had been lost to the ages. “But there’s a sigil carved on the altar there, and it’s the same one I have.”

Leon fell silent again, considering Raihan’s words. “There’s a lot we don’t know about dragons,” he remarked at length.

“There sure is,” Raihan replied with a tinge of bitterness in his voice. Such as what kind of dragon lived inside him. It still hadn’t shown any signs of awakening, but the changes kept manifesting. Raihan absentmindedly poked at the tiny, still translucent scales around his cuticles. His nails had started to turn thicker and darker, the same shade of off-black as the scales on his face and the backs of his hands. He wondered if his nails would grow all crooked and pointed, like talons, if he just let them.

Once the scaling on his face had reached his cheeks, he had stopped trying to hide his features, heedless of the guilt caused by the worry in his mother’s eyes. It had gotten too bothersome. There were people who stared, sure, but most people didn’t bat an eyelid, which made it easier to forget about the ignorant ones. And why should he care about the opinions of people he didn’t even know? He had no intention of hiding who he was.

And, when all was said and done, nothing had changed.

No, that’s not right. There had been an elusive fear in Raihan’s heart, the weight of a secret, and now he had been able let go of it.

The headband had stayed, though. While he didn’t need it to protect him from the world – he considered the world his friend – he still wore it. Like a peace offering, a balancing act of sorts. He didn’t know if it was of any help, if wearing it eased his mother’s mind. Probably not. Despite the air of inconsolable loneliness around her and the sadness that lingered in her gaze when she looked outside for too long, she seemed to be content with how things were, in her own private world. So Raihan didn’t force her to venture outside of it, even though he longed to share the rest of _his_ world with her.

It was an odd compromise and, honestly, one that didn’t make much sense.

“Can we go there?” he heard Leon ask. “Or is it off limits?”

Raihan gave his head a little shake. What had they been talking about, again? Right. The temple. “Sure we can. I’ve been there once, when I was little.”

“You’re still little,” Leon said, an impish little smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

Raihan let out an incredulous gasp. “Wha- - But I’m older than you!” He would never admit it, but his eleven-year-old’s pride was wounded.

Leon’s teasing grin didn’t falter. “Only by a few months.”

“That makes all the difference!” Raihan objected, flustered. “And I’m also taller than you!”

Leon raised his eyebrow at him. “The scaling on your face changed color. It’s all red now.” Tilting his head innocuously, he asked, “Are you embarrassed?”

The scales did that?! Raihan self-consciously brought his hands up to cover his face. “I’m not! S-shut up!”

Leon burst out laughing, and the lovely sound rang loud and clear in the sunny autumn air. Raihan peeked at him through his fingers and couldn’t help but join in.

After a time, Camilla spotted Raihan and Leon sitting on the roof and asked them to come play with her, Sebastian and Aria. The trio had come up with a new game that involved the trees lining the main street leading down to the valley.

That’s where Raihan’s mother, who had been tending to the goats all day, caught her son, running around and laughing in the fading daylight when he was supposed to be studying. She didn’t give Raihan a stern talking-to, but the silent disappointment in her expression was punishment enough.

Soon enough, Raihan and Leon were sitting at the kitchen table in the soft light of a lantern Leon had lit by rubbing its wick between his fingertips. He then proceeded to distract Raihan by telling silly anecdotes and offering blatantly wrong answers to the problems and generally being of no help at all, but Raihan didn’t mind. It was the best study session he had ever had.

* * *

The autumn rains came earlier that year, and after them, the snows of winter. Their temple expedition had to wait till next summer when the path to the mountaintop was safe to travel again.

Leon was already visibly vibrating with excitement when Raihan came to pick him up from his house that day, as promised. “This’ll be an adventure!” he said as closed the door behind him and shouldered his rucksack. “We can be like explorers! Treasure hunters!”

Raihan smirked and began leading the way. “I bet I can find more treasure than you.”

There was a determined glint in Leon’s eyes. “Oh, you’re on!”

The way to the mountaintop was long and serpentine, but they had a lot to talk about to pass the time. Leon had just gotten back from a week-long visit to Sonia’s, so he described all the fun things he had gotten to experience in the big city, whereas Raihan told him all about what had been going on around town while he had been gone and shared the newest bits of gossip.

They had almost reached the end of the path when Raihan abruptly stopped. “Ah! I almost forgot.” It took him a while to recall the correct hand movements, but once he did, he taught the greetings to Leon as well. And so, they solemnly greeted the dragon statues on top the pillars on both sides of the walkway, the grand front gate reaching to the skies and the heavy double doors that always stood open, it seemed.

The corridor opening before them was dim, for there were no windows and the sconces set to the walls were unlit. Craning his neck up, Raihan could see that the ceiling was so high that it was swallowed by the darkness. But the sunlight was creeping in through the main entrance behind their backs and the archway leading to the main chamber was a thin rectangle of whiteness in the distance; those two sources of light were just barely enough to see all the details Raihan hadn’t paid attention to the first time he had been there. It was obvious that the building was not only ancient but also mostly forgotten about – there were piles of sand, dead leaves and other debris blown in by the wind, the banners adorning the gray brick walls were giving in to decay, and the maroon and dark blue floor tiles forming a jagged, repeating pattern beneath their feet were faded and cracked in places.

Nevertheless, it was a sight to behold. Next to him, Leon walked along in astonished silence.

After around one third of the total length of the corridor there was a small flight of stairs, only eight wide and shallow steps down. The colorful floor tiling stopped there; the rest of the corridor was of smooth black stone with a lighter-colored strip near the walls. The texture of the walls changed as well – no more rough brick and mortar, but a smooth, uniform surface that matched the floor.

Once they reached the main chamber, Raihan stopped in the doorway. This he remembered: The altar in the dead center of the room, standing in a circle of red flooring. The sculpture behind it, both impossibly large and nearly unnaturally round. The high, narrow windows in the concave walls, admitting in a surprising amount of daylight.

But mixing with the familiar musty smell of centuries-old layers of dust was an almost sickeningly sweet scent Raihan couldn’t quite place. It made his head ache.

Slowly, he made his way to the altar and kneeled in front of it. Leon followed suit. One more greeting. Then, stillness and silence.

“So,” Leon breathed before long. It was the first thing either of them said since they had stepped inside the temple. “This is your sigil?” He nodded at the mark etched on the altar.

“You’ve seen it, haven’t you?” Raihan asked. “When we’ve been swimming in the pond.”

Leon shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah, but not this close,” he said. “It looks… powerful. And kinda pretty, actually.”

Raihan tilted his head, pinched his lips and squinted at the sigil. “I guess.” He had gotten used to seeing the shape, so he had never stopped to consider whether it was impressive or not. Or if it was even pleasant to look at.

“I think it suits you.”

Before Raihan had time to fully process the words, Leon had already gotten to his feet and was making his way behind the altar. Raihan arose as well but remained standing still as the edges of his vision blurred for a moment.

He opened his eyes – when had he closed them? – when he heard Leon say, “Oh, its surface has cracked a bit.” Turning his head, he saw that Leon was taking a closer look at the sculpture. “I wonder what caused it.”

“That’s weird,” Raihan muttered. “I vividly remember it being perfectly smooth…” He felt a cold shudder run along his spine. “Better not touch it.”

Leon looked back at him quizzically but left the sculpture be. Instead, he started walking around the perimeter of the room. His steps were sending dust motes flying in the beams of light piercing through the window slits. Raihan watched as the shadows cast by the particles almost formed discernable shapes before they settled back on the floor again.

This whole place felt… off. Foreboding.

Drawing a shallow breath, Raihan said, “I don’t think we’re supposed to be here.”

**_Not yet._ **

Raihan shook his head. Where’d that thought come from?

“What, scared that I’ll win our treasure hunting contest?” Leon called over his shoulder and then turned back to the wall he had been examining.

Raihan didn’t reply. He slowly made his way to Leon.

“Well, it seems like there isn’t much to be found here, anyway,” Leon continued. “Just the altar and the sculpture and a whole lot of dust. So, I guess we’ll have to call this one… a… tie…” His voice trailed off, for Raihan had sought his hand with his and grasped it tight.

Raihan couldn’t stop shaking.

“What’s the matter?” Leon asked, the adventurous look in his eyes replaced with surprise and then worry. “Are you all right?”

“I…” Raihan whispered. His mouth felt dry. Forming words and getting them out of his mouth was difficult. “Let’s just get out of here, okay?”

Once they were outside again, Raihan drew a deep breath. He hadn’t realized how suffocating being inside had felt. His breathing was ragged even though the invisible band around his chest was gradually loosening. But Leon’s grip of his hand wasn’t.

“Sorry,” Raihan mumbled. “I’m feeling… a bit woozy.”

“Let’s go sit in the shade for a minute. And once you feel better, we can head back home.”

Leon’s eyes were brimming with countless questions when he led Raihan by the hand to rest next to the outer wall of the temple. But Raihan didn’t know what had gotten into him, what had caused him to react the way he had, so he couldn’t even begin to explain it. Instead, he closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing, on Leon’s hand in his.

In the end, there was only one question Leon let escape his lips. He offered the words gently, cautiously, whole-heartedly. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Just…” Raihan squeezed Leon’s hand tighter. In between shuddering breaths, he managed to croak, “Stay. Here. With me.”

Leon complied.

They sat in silence until Raihan’s breathing returned to normal, his trembling heart calmed and whatever had jumbled his head was gone.

By that point, there was nothing to talk about anymore.

So they went home and didn’t talk about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~next time: ~~let there be feels~~ The sun~


	6. The sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had been looking forward to this chapter for so long and when it was finally time to write it i suddenly struggled a lot?? brain why
> 
> anyway look at these dummies. i am. so somft
> 
> also: i upped the original chapter count by one. the draft/outline for ch 8 was getting ridiculously long compared to the finished chapters so i split it in half.
> 
> also also: i’m gonna take a brief break after this chapter. i want to finish an oneshot WIP that’s been sitting unfinished for way too long + hammer out some details in the later chapters of this one. everything makes sense in my head but i’ve also been living and breathing this fic for over two months now, so i gotta make sure everything’s consistent and conveyed clearly enough to the reader as well.

Leon reminded him of the sun.

It had taken Raihan a while – nearly two years since the day on the roof, in fact – to realize it, to put it into words, but once the fact had dawned on him, he couldn’t think of anything else.

What he didn’t realize, though, was that at the tender age of thirteen, he was on the edge of discovering yet another mystery.

* * *

The storm had risen abruptly, and it showed no signs of ceasing anytime soon. Rain was pattering against the window in Leon’s room in a rhythm that was surprisingly soothing in its irregularity. Distant thunder rumbled.

Raihan was lying on the bed, absently fiddling with the tad-too-short sleeves of the tunic Leon had borrowed him. He hoped his mother wouldn’t be worried sick over him. To ease his own mind, Raihan surmised that by now she should know that he could fend for himself.

He had appeared at Leon’s doorstep completely drenched and shivering from head to toe after he had gotten caught in the storm. He had gone downtown early in the morning to make some deliveries. There had been no trace of rain clouds on the horizon then, so he hadn’t worn his oilskin. He should have known better; autumn storms were unpredictable things. But it had given him an excuse to seek shelter from the rain at Leon’s, so it wasn’t too bad.

Leon’s mother had been quick to let him in and call her eldest son downstairs to prepare a warm bath for his friend. Leon had heated the water with his magic to save time and discreetly turned away while Raihan undressed. He had then picked the discarded clothing up from the floor and went to put them out to dry while Raihan had sat in the cramped tub and let the warmth seep into his very bones.

And now, all warmed up and wearing a set of dry clothing, Raihan was enjoying a moment blissful boredom with his best friend. “Isn’t it the best, to just laze around and do absolutely nothing?” he smiled.

Leon was sitting cross-legged on the floor, replacing the worn frets and a broken string of his lute. He turned to look at Raihan with an amused look on his face. “Sounds like you’re bored.”

“Am not!” Raihan protested. He was perfectly content like this. Just being with Leon was enough. But admitting that would have been _way_ too sappy. “…Okay, maybe a little,” he sighed instead and sat up. And frankly, as Leon must have noticed, the idleness was making him grow a bit restless.

Leon stifled a laugh. “I could teach you a few new chords, but, well…” He motioned at the instrument he was repairing.

“Some other time, then.” Raihan knew a couple of simple songs, thanks to Leon’s intermittent lessons. Learning to play was fun, but he’d always prefer to listen to Leon’s considerably more graceful playing.

After a moment of silence, Leon suggested, “You could braid my hair.”

Raihan scoffed. “Except I don’t even know how to make a braid.”

Abandoning his work for the time being, Leon rose to his feet and picked up the lantern from the floor. In a teasing tone, he noted, “You of all people should know that you don’t learn anything unless you practice.”

Raihan couldn’t control the smile that spread across his face. “Fair point.”

Leon placed the lantern on the bedside table and plopped down next to Raihan, pulling his blanket on his lap. Using the tassels lining its edges, he showed Raihan how make a simple three-strand braid and explained the process step by step.

“Seems simple enough,” Raihan said after making a few practice braids with a tassel of his own. He then started combing Leon’s hair with his fingers, marveling at its softness, and carefully worked out any knots he could find. From time to time, loose strands got stuck between the scales on his fingers and clung to the coarse texture of his nails. They had gotten even thicker and harder and thus were a pain to keep short.

Their gleaming black surface caught the light of the lantern and for a few breaths, Raihan forgot what he was doing.

Shaking his head, he turned his attention back to the locks in his hands. “It’s gotten pretty long,” he noted. Leon had been growing his hair out; it reached well past his shoulders now. “Are you gonna let it grow till it tickles your ass?” he teased.

“Rairai!” Leon gasped, scandalized. “ _Language!_ ”

Raihan chuckled and began dividing Leon’s hair into equal sections. It was unexpectedly difficult to get them even.

“But… I don’t know,” Leon continued and sighed. “Would hair that long even suit me?”

It would probably look really pretty, Raihan mused. Even prettier than it did now - -

Wait, what?

Thankfully, Leon couldn’t see his reddened face when he mumbled, “I bet it would.”

Raihan had to restart the braid four times before he was satisfied with the result. He smiled to himself. Yes, it was slightly off-center, too loose in some places and too tight in others, but it was a braid all the same. He’d get the hang of it yet. He secured it with the leather band Leon had handed him and patted his shoulder. “All done.”

Leon was inspecting his new hairdo in the mirror when Hop barged in to announce that tea was ready to be served downstairs. He looked up at his big brother curiously and asked, “Lee, why does your hair look so weird?”

Raihan could feel a blush creeping up the back of his neck. Was the braid really so terribly made that even a three-year-old could tell?

Laughing brightly and with his eyes atwinkle, Leon picked Hop up and planted a quick kiss on his forehead. “Now, now, Hopster,” he rebuked gently, “don’t you see that big bro’s hair is just perfect?”

Now Raihan’s face was flushed as well – due to embarrassment of something else, he couldn’t tell. As soon as their eyes met, Leon flashed him a smile. It was so dazzling and genuine that it made Raihan’s heart skip at least three beats.

* * *

Winters on the mountain were harsher, and a shallow layer of snow remained on the ground for all the winter months. But down in the valley, the climate was more temperate and the winters usually more like an extended autumn, only slightly colder and with occasional snow that tended to melt before it had time to settle on the ground.

This year was different. Right after Raihan’s fourteenth birthday, the pond completely froze over for the first time in his lifetime.

It had been a couple of weeks since he and Leon had been to their hideout. The air around them was still and quiet and crispy, and the whole world – the sky, the woods, the clearing, the pond, everything – was wrapped in a pristine, powdery white that confined and muffled every sound.

“I wonder if it’s thick enough to support my weight,” Raihan wondered aloud as he eyed the smooth, opaque expanse of ice in front of them.

“I doubt it,” Leon said, ever the voice of reason. “It hasn’t been freezing cold for _that_ long.”

Raihan shrugged. Heedless of Leon’s skepticism, he stepped down the bank and carefully tested the surface of the ice with his foot. It felt solid and didn’t show any signs of breaking. Putting more weight on the foot on the ice, he began, “Look, I think it’s - -”

Whatever he had been thinking, he was wrong. In the space of a single heartbeat, the thin layer of ice gave in under him with a loud crack and his leg fell though, the freezing water clawing halfway up his shin, and it would have sunk even deeper if his heel hadn’t hit a rock sticking out the bottom of the pond. With a shrill shout, Leon immediately grabbed him by the arm and yanked him back on dry land. Hissing curses under his breath, Raihan took off his boot and poured out the water it had scooped up. “Shit, that was cold.”

It still was. Bone-chillingly cold.

His stomach lurched.

This was a bad situation to be in. Really bad.

Leon had reached the same conclusion and was scanning the clearing in panic. “Okay, okay, hold on, maybe I can…” He swiftly brushed the snow off a nearby rock and sat Raihan down on top of it. Without delay, he removed his mittens and threw them aside. Tapping his cheeks, he got down on his knees next to Raihan. “I don’t know if this’ll work, but I don’t think we have much choice. So sorry in advance if I end up burning your clothes off.”

“What are you - -”

Leon didn’t let Raihan finish his sentence. He set his hands on Raihan’s soaked foot and with his brow wrinkled in extreme concentration, he cautiously controlled his magic to channel warmth through his hands into Raihan’s leg.

A gasp escaped Raihan’s mouth. “Amazing…”

“Shut up,” Leon snapped. “I’m trying to focus here.”

Raihan clamped his mouth shut and tucked his chin into his chest in embarrassment.

Leon must have gotten his magic under control, because after a few minutes, he spoke up again. “That was dangerous and stupid,” he scolded. “Almost gave me a heart attack.”

“It’s fine, really,” Raihan said but had enough sense to let his shame be audible in his voice. “I’m gonna be okay.”

“But what if this didn’t work? What if I wasn’t here at all?” Leon demanded. “What then? You could’ve - -” Raihan’s pant leg started to smolder. Leon quickly grabbed some snow off the ground to put it out; the sudden bite of cold quickly disappeared as he laid his hands on Raihan’s leg again. Leon drew a shuddering breath to calm his shot nerves. “Seriously,” he sighed, the stern expression on his face softening just a little, “why are you such an idiot?”

Raihan bit the inside of his mouth and was silent for a few long moments. Then, deciding the mood had gotten too serious – for a good reason, he wouldn’t deny that – he ventured a grin. “I’ve heard it’s contagious. I guess I’ve been hanging out with you too much.”

Leon snorted and flicked the tip of Raihan’s nose in gentle rebuke before resuming his task.

Raihan could have gotten lost in the sensation of Leon’s hands gently caressing his leg. And maybe he did, because he nearly didn’t catch Leon’s words once his hands eventually stilled. “Better now?”

“Yeah,” Raihan smiled, slightly dazed. His leg felt pleasantly warm and all three layers of socks he was wearing were dry, too. “Thanks.” Forcing himself to meet Leon’s golden gaze, he added, “And sorry.”

Leon favored him with a sympathetic smile. He took off his scarf and coiled it around Raihan’s foot. “That’ll keep you warm while I try to dry off your shoe,” he said and unceremoniously patted Raihan’s knee.

As soon as Leon turned away, Raihan found himself missing the close contact.

Fortunately, there were better and safer ways to spend time by an iced-over pond. Mittens and boots back on, the boys soon engrossed themselves in skipping stones across the frozen surface. The stones made the ice ring and chime in thousands of different ways, the hauntingly beautiful sounds bouncing in the cold, still air and echoing in the woods around them.

It soon turned into a competition, as things were wont to do between them. “See that branch that’s fallen on the ice near the opposite shore?” Raihan asked. “Let’s see who can hit it first.”

Calling it a close competition was technically accurate, since neither of them had come even close to succeeding in the challenge by the time the sun had sunk behind the treetops. Leon glanced up at the darkening sky and said, “We should head back.”

Raihan threw one more stone and missed the branch for the umpteenth time. “You giving up?”

Leon let out an exasperated sigh and crossed his arms. “I guess. If you want to put it that way.”

A shrewd smile bloomed on Raihan’s face. He got an idea. It was a stupid, impulsive and utterly irrational idea that might backfire horribly, but in some corner of his heart filled inexplicable yearning, he knew it was worth the risk. “And here I was giving you a handicap by wearing these bulky things,” he declared brazenly and peeled the glove off his throwing hand. “If you’re withdrawing, I might as well go all out.”

Leon didn’t look too convinced. “And how did wearing gloves affect your accuracy and throwing force, exactly?” he inquired and failed to mask the apparent amusement in his voice.

“Shush, you,” Raihan said and wagged his finger at Leon with ill-advised confidence. “Just watch and learn.”

It took a few tries, but eventually a faint yet satisfying ‘thunk’ rung across the ice as a stone hit its target. Raihan was just as surprised by the turn of events as Leon was, though he did his best not to show it. “Told you,” he said and blew on his cold-nipped fingers. He nearly couldn’t feel them anymore. “That wasn’t the wisest idea,” he conceded and directed a teasing smirk at Leon. “But at least I won.”

Leon sighed and took off one of his mittens. “You really are an idiot,” he reiterated with a smile, but took Raihan’s hand in his anyway to warm it up with his magic. Raihan squeezed Leon’s hand back and grinned at him triumphantly.

All according to plan.

Leon rolled his eyes, but if he had figured out Raihan’s ulterior motive, he didn’t comment on it. “Let’s go.”

He didn’t release Raihan’s hand until they had said their goodbyes by the front gate in front of his house, though.

The warmth lingered in Raihan’s veins for his entire walk back home.

* * *

“Rairai, you have scales along your spine now.”

The nice shade of the clearing offered a perfect respite from the sweltering summer day, and the pond which Raihan would have found nearly intolerably cold under any other circumstance was pleasant in comparison. He had slowly made his way into the water, one tiny step at a time, letting each newly submerged sliver of his skin get used to the cold before going any further. The water had just reached the waistband of his pants when Leon, still standing near the shore, made his observation.

“I have?” Raihan had only noticed the ones on his shoulders and on the back of his neck. He didn’t like paying too close attention to his draconic features. Not because he was ashamed of them, but because if he got too caught up in his reflection in the mirror or the shape of the scaling on his wrists or the sharpness of his teeth, he could almost hear something whispering in the back of his mind. It was unpleasant, so he pushed the sensation away, walled it off and focused on something else instead.

Instinctively, he reached behind his back to run his fingers across the smooth surface of the new scales. Judging by their size, they weren’t fully grown yet unlike the ones on his face. There were no whispers on the edges of his awareness this time, so he dared to ask, “What color are they?”

Leon waded nearer quickly, unbothered by the cold water, to take a closer look. “They’re still mostly translucent, but some are turning darker,” he observed and started to tenderly trace his fingers up and down Raihan’s spine as he continued, “No red sheen yet on any of them.”

The sudden contact had made Raihan flinch. His face felt unbearably hot and blood was rushing in his ears. The tips of Leon’s fingers burned in a way that had nothing to do with the fire magic flowing in his veins.

Leon had been having that kind of effect on him lately. For some reason.

Raihan prayed to every deity he knew that the scales’ tendency to change color was limited to his face.

“There are some on your shoulder blades, too.” Leon was so close now that Raihan could feel his breath against his back.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

Raihan let his legs give in under him. The chill waters of the pond enveloped him in their embrace and the cold nearly punched the air out of his lungs. Squatted down, the water only reached up to his neck, but at least his overdramatic stunt got Leon to withdraw his hand.

“Sorry! They’re just so… I mean…” Leon stammered. Then, he asked cautiously, “Was I being weird?”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just…” Raihan let his words taper off. It’s just what? How was he supposed to explain this peculiar thrumming in his chest? Just to have something to do, he stuck his face in the water. It was a miracle that it didn’t immediately begin to boil when coming into contact with his burning skin.

At some point during the past year, Leon’s every touch, no matter how casual, had started to feel different. They had used to be the most natural things in the world, but now, they were just too much, but not necessarily in a bad way. Raihan simultaneously wanted Leon to stop because it was all so overwhelming and never let go for the very same reason. It was confusing to him. Each touch filled him with a strange yearning, as though he was left craving for something… more. Or maybe not more, but something different.

Raihan didn’t understand it at all.

No use thinking about it right now, though, he decided. He lifted his face above the surface again and drew a deep breath. “I don’t know. Forget about it.” Drops of water were falling back into the pond from the tip of his nose and chin. Instead of looking at Leon like probably should have, Raihan watched the ripples the droplets produced and mumbled, “I’m the one who’s being weird.”

Leon fell silent for a moment and then changed the subject. Raihan was grateful for it.

* * *

One autumn night, Raihan was sitting on his bed, thread and needle in hand and on his lap a pile of tightly-woven woolen fabric and sturdy linen. It was to be his new winter cloak; he had started to outgrow his current one.

Leon was right there next to him, absently strumming on his lute and softly humming to himself. Raihan listened to the soothing melody as his hands moved in repetitive, familiar motions, stitch after stitch. He let his mind wander and soon found himself once again mulling over the thought which had been foremost on his mind for over a year now.

Leon reminded him of the sun. That much was certain.

Maybe it was his aptitude to fire magic, how he could conjure small flames on the palm of his hand and how sometimes his fingertips gave off sparks when they danced on the strings of his lute. Maybe it was the color of his eyes, bright like gold and vibrant like polished yellow amber. Maybe it was the warmth of his laughter and his radiant smile that seemed almost blinding if Raihan looked at it for too long. Maybe it was the fact that Raihan always felt as if he was melting like snow in the first rays of spring whenever Leon’s fingers brushed his skin in passing, whenever Leon took his hand in his, whenever Leon invaded his personal space in any way.

Whatever the reason, Raihan liked to think that if he had been born with a dragon in his heart, Leon must have been born with a sun in his. And it was a blessing, without a doubt.

Gradually, something in Leon’s playing – a recurring melody he remembered hearing before – caught Raihan’s attention and pulled him out of his musings. He paused his sewing and turned to look at Leon. “What’s it called?”

“What’s what called?” Leon asked distractedly; he was more focused on his playing now than he had been a few moments prior.

“That song,” Raihan clarified. “You’ve been playing it a lot lately. It’s nice.”

Leon’s fingers immediately stilled and his shoulders tensed. He shot a wide-eyed, bewildered look at Raihan. But then his lips quirked up in a coy smile and a light dusting of pink bloomed on his cheeks. “It’s… my own composition, actually,” he confessed, turning back to look at his lute. “Just a simple tune I’ve been working on.”

Raihan could barely keep his excitement in check. “Really? A song of your own?”

With a nod, Leon picked up the melody again before the echo of the last note he had played had completely faded. “Some people say that you can’t call yourself a real minstrel unless you have at least one original song,” he explained. “I want to be well-prepared when the time comes.”

“What kinda song is it?” Raihan asked eagerly, unconsciously leaning closer to Leon. “What’s it about?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t gotten very far with it yet,” Leon admitted sheepishly. He played for a few more moments and then faced Raihan again. The smile he wore widened as he said, “But you’ll be the first to hear it once it’s finished. I promise.”

In that very moment, illuminated by cozy candlelight, a stunning smile playing on his lips and crinkling the corners of his eyes, Leon was the loveliest creature Raihan had ever seen. The greatest miracle in a world full of wonders.

Late that night, Raihan leaned on the windowsill and looked out to the brilliant starry sky hanging over the valley. As he listened to Leon’s quiet snoring rising from the bedding laid out next to his bed, there was only one thought, one secret on his mind, bright and glimmering and all-consuming.

Leon was his sun, had always been, and he had set Raihan’s heart aflame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~end of act 1~
> 
> ~next time: ~~sadly, no one is allowed to have fun from now on~~ Impatience~


	7. Impatience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaand we’re back. time for act 2!

The following summer, a traveling minstrel passed through the valley.

Raihan happened to be downtown that evening, after a long day at the town tailor’s workshop. It was busy work, hard on his hands and wrists, but he enjoyed it and did his utmost to get better at it. Not to mention the fact that having something to do every day, a routine, was perhaps even more important than the pay. It helped him keep his mind off things he’d rather not think about.

His mother had been reluctant to let him begin the apprenticeship. Even after all these years, she was still afraid of the world and the people in it, and Raihan hadn’t been able to alleviate that fear. He still didn’t fully understand it and perhaps he never would, but he knew that the world had broken something in her and she didn’t want it to be fixed. When, how and why, he didn’t know, and that was a secret he would never be privy to, that much was clear. Maybe it had something to do with the two framed portraits she had on her bedside table. Raihan didn’t know who they were and had never seen them in person, but he had a hunch. The person in one of them looked vaguely like him, after all. But he and his mother never talked about either of those people. They remained a mystery to him. And there was no reason to expect that that fact would ever change.

Still, deep down, he understood her desire to protect him. He may not have agreed, but he understood. And perhaps that was the most important part.

He was at the marketplace, haggling for spices and herbs he and his mother needed for the new fruit preserve recipes and salves they were going to try, when he heard the news. Word of the minstrel traveled fast, as one would expect; the town was small and out-of-the-way, so there rarely were any visitors.

As soon as he was finished with his shopping, Raihan made his way to the tavern where the minstrel was supposed to be. And there he was, sitting by the fireplace, his eyes focused on the lute in his lap. Quietly, Raihan slipped inside and sat at one of the unoccupied tables near the entrance. Just like the town, the tavern was also small, so he could easily see the minstrel. He was young; Raihan estimated that the singer was, at most, a few years his senior. He was singing a song Raihan knew well – it was one of his favorites, the one about Lance the mage that he had heard Leon sing multiple times. His instrument was of near-black wood, its color a perfect match with his nails, whereas the light scaling that dusted his high cheekbones and the backs of his hands was black and blue with some purplish spots here and there.

While Raihan was no expert on music, he had learnt quite a bit from Leon. As a result, he could tell a mediocre and a skillful performance apart. And this young minstrel was exceptionally good. His voice was vibrant and pleasant to listen to, and his fingers never faltered on the strings. He sang a few more draconic legends, even one about dragon slaying – Raihan found that one a bit unsettling for some reason. But then he noticed an impish glint in the minstrel’s eye and realized that it was a statement of some kind, almost like a challenge; it was as though he was ready to cause trouble if need be. What an intriguing attitude to have.

His last song was a story Raihan had never heard before. An original, perhaps? Once the last note had died, the minstrel got to his feet and gave his audience a curt bow. The applause was still going when he grabbed the coin pouch he had set on the table before him and moved to sit at a corner table with his earnings.

After a moment of consideration, Raihan rose and made his way to the minstrel. Visitors were rare, let alone fellow dragon-touched ones. For all he knew, this was a once-in-a-lifetime chance. As proper manners dictated, he placed a few coins on the table and said, “Thank you for your performance.”

“No, thank _you_ ,” the minstrel muttered without taking his eyes off the money he was counting. It took him a few moments to realize that Raihan was still standing there. With a sigh, he lifted his gaze, but if he had planned to ask Raihan to leave, the words died on his lips. “Actually, why don’cha have a seat.” There was a flash of curiosity in the minstrel’s green eyes when he said the words – Raihan noted that he had tiny scales on his eyelids as well. The minstrel waited for Raihan to be seated before introducing himself, “The name’s Piers.”

“I’m Raihan. Pleased to meet you.”

They exchanged a few pleasantries, with Raihan being the more vocal party of the conversation. After a while, Piers followed Raihan’s gaze to his instrument. “You know how to play?”

Raihan shrugged one shoulder. “Only a little bit. I’ve never seen a lute like yours, though.” When Piers simply nodded in response, Raihan continued, “I’ve a friend who wants to be a minstrel.”

“Ah. Are they with you? I could try to give some pointers.”

“Sadly, no. He’s visiting a friend of his in a different town.” Leon was on an extended stay at Sonia’s in the big city. Usually his visits spanned only a couple of weeks, but this year he was going to spend the entire summer there. He had been gone for a couple of weeks now, but to Raihan, it had felt like months.

“That’s too bad,” Piers replied. “Maybe I’ll run into him on the road one day, if he does end up choosin’ this career. You see, I’m not gonna stick around for long.” He had finished counting and re-counting his earnings and pocketed the coin pouch. “That’s the life of a travelin’ minstrel, I s’ppose. New town, new faces each day,” he said with a tiny, sad smile.

And from there, the discussion moved on to Piers’ travels – a topic Raihan was especially interested in –, then the uncharacteristically cold weather the region had been having that summer, then the town and Raihan’s life there. After that, during a lull in the conversation, Raihan blurted out, “Have you Ascended?”

Piers gave him an odd look but nodded.

“What was it like? The awakening of the dragon, I mean. If you don’t mind me prying.” Raihan wasn’t sure if asking about it was inappropriate, but he was determined to seize this opportunity to acquire first-hand information on the subject.

Fortunately, Piers seemed to be perfectly fine with it. He directed a crooked grin at Raihan. “Heh. Usually people who try to ask me ‘bout that stuff aren’t dragon-touched themselves. A refreshin’ change of pace.”

Raihan waited in breathless anticipation as Piers leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table in front of him. “So, here’s how it happened,” the minstrel began. “My little sis, she had just learnt how to walk. We were returnin’ home from a shoppin’ trip, walkin’ through the woods. I took my eyes off her for just a moment, and then… I don’t know how it happened, but she was lyin’ on the ground, unconscious. She had fallen and hit her head on somethin’. Three deep gashes, right here.” Raihan flinched when Piers moved his hand to his hairline to indicate the spot. “I panicked. And suddenly,” Piers snapped his fingers for emphasis, “just like that, I was aware of the magic flowin’ inside me, as if it had always been there, and I knew I could use it to save her. And the dragon – its name is Deino, one of the lesser spirits – guided my hands as I healed my sister’s wounds, joined the veins and flesh and skin back together.”

“That’s amazing,” Raihan breathed.

Piers let out a dry bark of laughter. “I guess. But afterwards, I was completely spent and almost passed out. The magic had its toll on me and I had to stay in bed and rest for three days, but at least my sister was safe and sound. But that’s why I haven’t tried anythin’ of that caliber ever again. Smaller things are manageable, and it’s nothin’ I can’t replenish just by eatin’ and sleepin’.”

Magical fatigue? That would explain the dark circles under the minstrel’s eyes.

“And your awakening… Was that what your last song was about?” Raihan ventured, thinking back on the lyrics of the unknown ballad.

Piers gave him a lopsided smile. “You’re a smart bloke,” he said and leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. “Figured I might as well add somethin’ of my own to the pool of legends. That way I know that at least one of ‘em’s true and accurate. Did you like it?”

Raihan nodded. “It was very good. A catchy melody, and it complemented the lyrics well. And I was especially impressed by the complex scale burst in the final chorus.”

This time, the small smile Piers directed at him had such sincerity to it that it was almost heartbreaking. “I’m glad to hear that.” It seemed like he didn’t get a lot of praise. Poor guy.

Raihan found himself wondering how Leon’s song was coming along. What kind of lyrics had he written?

“And after the awakenin’… Well, it was rough at first,” Piers continued. “The new scalin’ itched like crazy, the nails made it harder to play my instrument, and havin’ a voice in my head that wasn’t mine was unnervin’. But I got used to it all over time. It doesn’t talk much anyway, and from what I’ve heard, the lesser spirits rarely do. And the magic’s a plus, obviously. Makes life easier when you can control the energies of the world around you.” Piers paused, leaned forward again and waved his hand dismissively. “Well, enough ‘bout me. Wanna tell me ‘bout yours?”

“My what?” Raihan asked, bemused.

“Your awakenin’, of course. What kinda magic did you get?”

“I… It hasn’t happened yet,” Raihan admitted. “That’s why I asked about yours.”

Piers stared at him in silence for a second too long, his eyes wide with surprise. “You haven’t - -? Oh. _Oh_.”

Raihan didn’t like the tone of his voice, his expression, how taken aback he was.

“Sorry, I could’ve sworn…” The minstrel absentmindedly scratched his chin. “You have more and stronger features than most Ascended folk I’ve seen on my travels, ‘s all. And your aura…”

Suddenly, Raihan became painfully aware of every sharp edge and iridescent surface of his body, every tavern patron that was regarding him and the minstrel with unmasked curiosity in their eyes. His head throbbed. He hadn’t let it bother him before, so why now?

“Wait a minute,” he heard Piers say. The minstrel was studying his face with his head tilted and brows furrowed. “How old’re you?”

It took Raihan a few moments to form coherent thoughts and articulate them. “I turned fifteen at the beginning of the year.”

Piers was rendered speechless for a moment. “That many features at your age and still no awakenin’? That’s quite a feat.” He shook his head and let out a low whistle. “And here I thought _I_ was a late bloomer at twelve…”

Well then. That didn’t bode well.

The entire conversation suddenly made Raihan feel ill at ease. He changed the subject.

While the minstrel was a fun fellow to chat with, Raihan excused himself not long after. His mind was ablur and his lungs were aching when he left the tavern and started his journey back home.

‘Still no awakening?’ ‘Late bloomer at twelve?’

Does that mean it should have happened by now?

The first changes had appeared six years ago. That wasn’t normal?

…What was taking it so long?

**_Patience._ **

The thought was like a distant voice, but it was not directed at him. Not necessarily.

* * *

The rest of the summer was bleak for Raihan in more ways than one.

One day, he stepped out of the workshop and had to shield his eyes from the sudden brightness. The sun was peeking through the low-hanging clouds for the first time in weeks. It was a beautiful late-summer day. Maybe he should stop by the pond on his way home. The raspberries should have begun ripening by now. He would check on them and then he would lay on the grass and watch the frogs swim in the pond and get lost in his lonely thoughts. Or perhaps he would attempt to make a flower crown out of dandelions. Leon had taught him before he had left – it was a lot like braiding hair, he had told him, and Raihan had gotten pretty good at that.

He hadn’t paid any attention to the footsteps following him until someone slipped their hand in his. “I was hoping I’d encounter you here, good sir.”

Startled, Raihan turned around toward the voice.

And there he was, _his_ sun, all bright smiles and twinkling eyes. “Hi, Rairai,” Leon greeted.

“Lee! You scared me!”

Laughing, Leon stepped in front of Raihan and took hold of both of his hands in greeting. “I’ve been waiting for you to get off work,” he said. His fingertips were stained with ink after spending weeks upon weeks helping Sonia and her grandmother transcribe manuscripts and research notes.

And writing wasn’t the only thing Leon had been doing all summer if the state of his arm muscles was of any indication. Raihan was positive they looked more toned than they had on the day Leon had left.

…Why was he taking notice of such a small detail?

“You’re back already,” Raihan said, a bit stupidly, once he had found his voice again. He hadn’t expected Leon to get back for at least a fortnight. He had been waiting for this day to come and now that it had, he could scarcely believe it.

“That I am,” Leon smiled. “Did you miss me?”

Raihan pretended to think for a moment. Then, grinning mischievously, he replied, “Not at all.”

“You wound me!” Leon exclaimed, faking insult and hurt.

“I’m kidding!” Raihan laughed and, without thinking, threw his arms around Leon. “Of course I missed you.” He really had. So much his heart had nearly burst.

Leon pressed his face to Raihan’s chest and eagerly returned the embrace.

It felt nice, holding Leon in his arms, feeling his unruly hair tickle his chin. In a flash, Raihan realized that he and Leon had never hugged before. He had been missing out. He could get used to this feeling. Wanted to, even.

“I missed you _more_ ,” Leon mumbled against Raihan’s chest. His voice was muffled but his words reverberated their way right into Raihan’s heart.

“Oh, so this is yet another competition?” Raihan asked, hoping his teasing tone masked just how flustered the words – the whole situation, really – had made him feel.

“Yeah,” Leon said firmly, “The one who stops hugging first loses.”

The words made Raihan’s heart stutter.

But much to Raihan’s disappointment, Leon lost almost immediately. He pulled away and peered up at Raihan curiously. “What are these?” he asked, his hands still lingering on Raihan’s upper back.

“What are you talking about?”

“There’s something on your back.” In a matter of moments, Leon had moved behind Raihan and was patting his shoulder blades. “Take off your shirt,” he ordered nonchalantly.

Raihan spluttered. “What are yo- - I’m _not_ taking my shirt off in the middle of town!” He was certain his scaling was flushed bright red.

Leon, that teasing little ball of sunshine, _cackled_. Such an ungainly sound, but Raihan had never heard anything quite as lovely. “Come over, then,” Leon said and took Raihan by the hand again, easily entwining their fingers. “We have a lot of catching up to do, anyway.”

Before long, Raihan found himself sitting on Leon’s bed, trying his best to calm his wildly beating heart as Leon examined his bare upper body.

“There’s something pointy jutting out. Here, on your shoulder blades,” Leon noted. He hesitated for a moment and then touched Raihan’s back lightly. “Does this hurt?”

“It doesn’t.” But Raihan could feel Leon gingerly touching them, whatever they were. The sensation was uncanny – that part of his body hadn’t even _existed_ a few months ago, after all.

“There are two of them. They’re this big,” Leon said, circling one of them with the tip of his finger, “and they jut out three fingerbreadths. The scaling and skin are intact, but it’s like… there’s more bone growing in there, under them…” Leon trailed off and paused. His voice was hushed and full of surprise when he continued, “Hold on. Rairai, are they going to be… wings?”

Wings? From what Raihan had gathered, the most common draconic features were scaling and claws, followed by changes in eye and hair color, whereas wings were mentioned only in few stories. They were exceptionally rare, it seemed, and always a sign of strong magic, of an extremely powerful dragon…

But could the things growing on his back be just that? It was yet another thing Raihan didn’t know the answer to. The dragon, the changes it had caused over the years, the reason why it hadn’t awakened yet – all of them were still a mystery to him.

He told Leon as much and got a reassuring pat on his shoulder in response. “Well, I’m sure everything will make sense when the spirit awakens,” Leon said.

‘If’ would be the better word choice here, to Raihan’s mind. The dragon was taking its sweet time.

Raihan’s hands and voice were shaking when he pulled his tunic back on. “I’m tired of waiting.” Looking over his shoulder at Leon, he recounted his conversation with Piers and what the minstrel had implied. “It’s not supposed to take this long. To be honest, I’m scared.” Raihan hadn’t admitted it to himself before this summer but he had been scared for years; ever since the stories his mother told him at the temple. That fear had only been growing stronger as of late, no matter how hard he tried to repress it. He turned away from Leon and lowered his gaze. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Leon sounded concerned when he asked, “Why?”

Raihan kept his back to Leon. Deep inhale, long exhale, to silence the intrusive whispers at the edges of his mind. “…What if it’s a curse?” he reluctantly voiced the source of his fear. “There are so many tales of evil dragons. What if mine is, too? And a powerful one, at that?”

“In that case, you just have to show it who’s in charge.” Leon’s tone was light. When he got no reply, he placed his hand on Raihan’s shoulder and continued, more seriously, “Look. Right now, it seems like this thing – be it a curse or a blessing – is completely out of your control, and all you can do is wait. I don’t think anticipating the worst possible outcome does you any good.” He fell silent for a time, as if considering his next words carefully, and said, “And no matter what happens, I’m always there for you.” Leon gently wrapped his arms around Raihan and hugged him close, chest to back. He rested his chin on Raihan’s shoulder, lowered his voice to a whisper and breathed right in Raihan’s ear, “You know that, right?”

A pleasant shiver darted up Raihan’s spine. “Yeah, I know.” He gingerly placed his hands over Leon’s. “I know,” he repeated and fought the tears stinging his eyes. “Thanks.”

Leon pressed his cheek flush to the side of Raihan’s neck and the two stayed like that for a long while. Even though it didn’t completely drown out his anguish, Raihan found himself enjoying every second of it.

He didn’t quite have the words to describe the overwhelming feeling in his chest right at that moment, but it was almost like sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally, piers wasn’t supposed to make an appearance in this fic at all but apparently i like the good sad boi too much to not include him.  
> …i should add a character tag for him. he should get one if sonia gets a tag. (she’s gonna make a proper appearance soonish)
> 
> …and, in retrospect, it’s actually pretty funny that a fic with the name “dragon song” *isnt’* a raihanxpiers fic
> 
> ~next time: ~~party time~~ Standstill~


	8. Standstill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what my writing process has been like for the past few weeks:  
> me: okay so. in act 2 we’re not supposed to have a fun time anymore, raihan is dealing with some sh- -  
> my brain: more fluff?  
> me: uh  
> my brain: more fluff???  
> me: um  
> my brain: more fluff???????? please?????????  
> me: .........FINE I GUESS *keeps adding cute details and scenes to the outline*
> 
> i love angst but i also love idiots being cute. i’m a simple person at heart

It had snowed for a few short hours that morning, but then it had turned into an unsatisfying drizzle of rain before ceasing completely. Now, the streets were slippery with the kind of wet, mucky slush that made people hate winter.

It was Midwinter Night, and the festivities were in full swing downtown.

Like every year after their first meeting, Raihan and Leon went to walk around the night market and see the bonfire at the town square. The first five or so times they had been chaperoned by Leon’s parents until they had been deemed old enough to be fine by just the two of them. It was also a sign of trust; Leon’s parents knew that the two would look out for each other.

This time, however, they had Hop in tow. He had insisted on seeing the bonfire as well – “Just the three of us: me and Lee and big bro Rai,” as he had put it. Raihan had, of course, immediately agreed when Leon had asked him if he was okay with it. Now, Leon was carrying his little brother as they browsed the merchandise at the market. The reason he had given Hop was to make sure that he wouldn’t slip and hurt himself, but Raihan knew that in reality it was so that the boisterous little rascal wouldn’t run off and get lost in the crowd.

Leon liked to say that Hop had inherited his excess energy from Raihan. Raihan was pretty sure that’s not how it worked, no matter how Hop referred to him as his another big brother. And Raihan had mellowed out a bit over the years, hadn’t he? But only a bit. Even now, too much idleness or staying still for long periods of time had the potential to make him jittery.

Leon and Hop, on the other hand, shared a lot of similarities – small quirks Raihan had learnt to identify in Leon first and had then started to notice in Hop, too, as the kid grew older. Their habit to tap their cheeks when trying to focus; the curve of their lips when they smiled; the way their eyes sparkled. Just like they were sparkling at that very moment, as Leon explained everything that was going on to Hop and pointed out nice little trinkets for sale in the market stalls.

They stopped in their tracks to admire the goods a jeweler had on display. Raihan noted that Leon eyed a cloak clasp with amber insets for a long time. It would have suited Leon perfectly, and Raihan wanted to buy it for him even though he knew that he couldn’t possibly afford such a luxury item. Instead, he turned to the adjacent stall and got three meat buns, one for each of them, as well as a bag of honeymint drops to share. But even such a small thing was enough to make Leon smile radiantly at him. And maybe, Raihan mused, there was no need for anything more but sharing those kinds of simple pleasures of life.

Still, he couldn’t help but find the idea of spoiling Leon with an extravagant gift oddly appealing. In Raihan’s eyes, he deserved the world.

If only he were able to give it to him.

If only he were **_worthy_** of Leon.

**_If only you were not so weak._ **

“Rairai!” Leon was tugging at his cloak. “Let’s go sit over there.” Raihan noticed a hint of concern in his gaze. How long had he been lost in thought, how long had Leon been trying to get his attention?

They sat down to eat on the steps leading to the smithy. Some storefronts were lit up and open till the wee hours of the night for the holiday, but not this one. They wouldn’t be in anyone’s way. Raihan wasn’t feeling all that hungry, but forced himself to eat the meat bun nonetheless. He nibbled on it in silence and let his mind wander as the brothers’ chatter turned into indistinct background noise in his ears.

Once all three of them had finished their meals, Hop spoke around a mouthful of sweets and asked, “Can we go to the bonfire already?” He was swaying in place, starting to get impatient.

Leon laughed, stood up and scooped Hop in his arms again. “Sure thing. Do you still have your talisman?” he checked.

“Yea!” came his little brother’s enthusiastic reply. He pulled the paper flower out of his pocket and practically shoved it to Leon’s face. “See? I chose this one. Rai helped me with it.” Then, Hop peered at Raihan and smiled, so open and sincere that Raihan couldn’t help but smile back.

As Leon commended his brother for keeping the charm safe, Raihan checked his own pockets too, just in case. Both talismans were still there. He had folded them the night before at Leon’s. They had made sweet bread together – even Hop had helped. With slices of freshly baked bread served with raspberry preserves Raihan had brought with him on his previous visit, the three of them had begun to work on the charms. Sonia had sent Leon talisman paper with her latest letter, brightly colored and of good quality, light as a whisper yet surprisingly durable. Leon had gotten excited about it and made his talismans more intricate than usual, each of them reminiscent of a different flower; a daisy, a cornflower, a rose… Leon’s family’s cat had been purring on Raihan’s lap as he had watched Leon and the delicate movements of his fingers, mesmerized and only a bit envious of his friend’s skill.

Raihan did his best to hide it, but his hands quivered when he threw his flowers into the flames. The pulled his arms inside his cloak. Now more than ever he hoped that the silly old tradition to ward off evil spirits was real magic. And, if that was the case, that his simple design was enough to please the dragon inside him.

For a moment, it was as if something laughed in the back of his mind.

Raihan felt a light touch on his upper arm. He glanced down to find Leon tilting his head questioningly at him, furrowed brows nearly concealed by his hood. It seemed like Leon had sensed his discomfort; he had adjusted his hold of Hop so that he could free one of his hands and reach out to him.

After a moment of hesitation, Leon awkwardly reached through the arm slit of Raihan’s long cloak and took his hand in his own. Raihan froze for a split second. It was a simple, perfectly innocent touch. It was such a stupid thing to think about, but… Under the current circumstances, with Leon not only slipping his hand inside his clothes like that but also concealing the contact, it felt almost improper.

Blushing, Raihan squeezed Leon’s hand back. Because, more than anything, it felt right.

And maybe he imagined it, but he could have sworn he sensed Leon’s warmth even through their gloves.

He took a few deep breaths and focused on savoring that beautiful moment in its entirety: the dancing flames and how their light reflected on the wet paving slabs, the sounds of celebration around them, Leon’s comforting clasp of his hand, the feeling of happiness of being right there, right then, to experience it all.

Leon leaned his head against Raihan’s shoulder. “It’s so pretty, isn’t it?” he breathed.

Out of the corner of his eye, Raihan noticed that a subtle blush had risen to Leon’s cheeks as well.

He tore his eyes away. It didn’t mean anything.

“Yeah,” Raihan mumbled in reply. And maybe, if he hadn’t been such a coward, _maybe_ he would also have said something along the lines of, “Even more so because we’re experiencing it together. So please always stay with me and never let go of my hand.”

If only…

Before long, Hop began to squirm in Leon’s arms. With a tiny sigh, Leon moved half a step away from Raihan but kept holding his hand. “Shall we go, then?”

And so, Raihan led them to the tavern. Leon had been asked to play there that night; he had performed there several times during the past year and showed his talent. It was a huge honor, and this would be his biggest audience yet.

Right as they stepped inside, they were greeted with warmth and the cheerful hubbub of conversation and the rich fragrance of winter spices. The walls and rafters were decorated with bunting, colorful lanterns and beribboned wreaths of pine. It was a welcome distraction, one that made Raihan forget about his worries for the time being.

Leon pulled down the hood of his cloak and Raihan’s eyes were drawn to the movement. He had fixed Leon’s hair for the occasion, carefully braided it back from his face and tied it with a bright yellow ribbon so it wouldn’t fall in his eyes when he played. He was happy to see that the hairdo hadn’t gotten messed up while they had been outside. It had taken him a couple of tries to get it just right, but Raihan had to admit that the result was quite dashing.

Well, he thought Leon always looked dashing, but that’s beside the point.

Sebastian, Camilla and Aria had snuck downtown for a night of merriment as well. Even though it was a small town, Midwinter Night celebrations were considerably more lively there than in the mountainside village. Raihan and Leon went to say hi to them and chatted for a while before proceeding to the table occupied by Leon’s family. Welcoming smiles spread on their faces at the sight of the boys.

Raihan’s mother wasn’t there. She never was. Even though he hadn’t expected to see her there, Raihan felt a familiar surge of sadness in his heart as he sat down next to Hop. Every year, he asked her to come, and every year, her eyes went distant and she declined. Still, Raihan always made sure to make an extra talisman her. Burning a charm on someone else’s behalf wasn’t a very widespread practice, but it brought him comfort and so he had kept doing it all these years.

Leon was greeting each of his family members one by one. He got a kiss for good luck on his forehead from his mom and dad, a great big hug from Hop, pats on his back from his grandfather and a pinch on his cheek from his grandmother. His last stop was in front of Raihan’s chair. He slung his lute bag off his shoulder, placed it on the table and took his instrument out. Raihan had made the bag for him during his downtime at work: it was sturdy yet soft leather with embroidery of yellows and bright blues adorning the shoulder strap. Raihan had been inspired by the rays of the sun when stitching the geometric shapes.

After finally shedding his cloak, Leon rolled his shoulders and tapped his cheeks. “Wish me luck,” he urged Raihan with a playful, charming smile on his lips.

Raihan huffed amiably into his warm mug of diluted mulled wine. Leon’s father had thrust it in his hands with a wink the moment he had sat down. “You don’t need it,” he told Leon and took a sip of his drink. “Not with your level of skill.”

“Oh, come _on_!” Leon protested. “Please?” He looked deep into Raihan’s eyes and downright pouted.

Something about Leon’s exaggerated expression, the way his lower lip jutted out, made Raihan’s heart beat faster. He almost wanted to run the pad of his thumb across Leon’s lips just to see if they felt as soft as they looked - -

He quickly pushed the impulse down and glanced away. “Fine, fine!” he half-scoffed and patted Leon’s shoulder. “Go blow them away or something.”

But Leon stayed put, not saying a word, waiting. Raihan made himself meet Leon’s insistent gaze. Thank the stars, he wasn’t pouting anymore; Raihan might not have been able to restrain himself a second time. But judging by the way Leon had pinched his mouth and narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, it was evident that he wasn’t satisfied, either. If Raihan knew anything, it was that his friend was, amongst other things, so incredibly stubborn at times.

Slowly, Raihan slid his hand – the hand he had completely forgotten was still resting on Leon’s shoulder – down the length of Leon’s arm and gave his fingers a squeeze. Then he smiled and said with utmost sincerity, “You got this, Lee.”

Leon positively beamed at him in response, eyes alight with joy, and for a moment Raihan forgot how to breathe.

Without further delay, Leon stepped on the small dais next to the fireplace, announced himself, sat down on the stool set there for him, shook his hands to loosen his wrists and began to play. He was sending sparks flying from his fingernails, radiating such calm and confidence that Raihan was left speechless. Leon seemed to be in his element, as if there was nothing more natural to him than to perform and be the center of everyone’s attention.

In no time, people were singing along, clapping their hands to the rhythm and moving the tables around so that there would be room to dance. Raihan didn’t consider himself much of a dancer but even he couldn’t resist the allure of the music, so he soon found himself twirling on the floor, first with Aria, then with Hop and Sebastian, even with Leon’s grandmother. Whenever he met Leon’s eyes across the dancefloor, he grinned at him and got a wide smile in return each time. Soon Raihan came to realize that indulging himself in that childlike joy, laughing to his heart’s content, surrounded by so many people that were dear to him, was exactly what he had needed.

The evening was already blending into night when Leon revealed that the next song would be his last. Raihan sat back down, as did the others. Traditionally, the last song played on Midwinter Night was a calm one, perhaps even a bit melancholy, a strong contrast to the liveliness and cheerfulness of the songs that came before it, and Leon wasn’t going to break that unspoken rule. The song he had chosen was an old, somber ballad about hidden agony, unshed tears and silent devotion in times of hardship. Leon sang it so beautifully and with such raw emotion that Raihan’s heart swelled with pride…

But something in the lyrics – the fear, the pain, the secrets, the burden of it all – hit too close to home. It made Raihan recall the discussion he had had with another minstrel in that very same tavern that summer. Since that day, he hadn’t been able ignore the fear that had gradually, over the years, oozed its way into his heart and made a nest there.

After the supposed wing nubs had appeared on Raihan’s back, the number of draconic changes had ceased to increase. Yet, no awakening. Nothing but a near-constant pounding in his head and a sporadic tightness in his chest; deep-rooted anxiety sitting in his lungs; incessant, weak but steady pressure at the edges of his consciousness; something boiling just underneath the surface. He tried to keep it at bay, to keep his head held high and put on a brave face, but it got harder with each passing day. Sometimes it felt like something was squirming within him, prodding at his insides, searching for even the tiniest crack to slither through.

**_Come to Us._ **

Raihan barely registered the thunderous applause Leon got for his performance.

He could have gotten away. He _should_ have. His long legs made him a fast runner.

By the time Leon had finished chatting with his other friends and the admirers that had gathered around him and was about to rejoin Raihan at their table, Raihan was gone. He had haphazardly grabbed his cloak from the back of his chair and donned it as he had stridden to the door, his legs moving on their own accord, his head spinning, ignoring the questioning voices shouting after him.

All he knew was that he needed to move. There was somewhere he needed to be - -

But he turned a corner too fast and lost his footing on the slippery cobblestones, twisted his ankle and collapsed on the ground, scraping the palms of his hands when he caught himself on them. He had forgotten his gloves at the tavern, and his scarf, too. It had begun to snow again. The hem of his cloak was soiled and the cold wetness covering the street was seeping through his breeches. Black and red dots were dancing across his field of vision.

**_Come to Us._ **

Something kept beckoning him. He could almost taste a vaguely familiar, revoltingly sweet scent on his tongue - -

He heard footsteps hurrying down the alleyway behind him. Leon was calling his name, because _of course_ Leon had run after him.

Why did it annoy him so much?

“Rairai!” Catching his breath, Leon hastily kneeled beside him. There were snowflakes stuck to his hair and his long eyelashes, and he had Raihan’s forgotten garments stuffed in the pockets of his light jerkin. “Are you all right?” Upon noticing the bloodied palms, Leon blanched and reached for Raihan’s wrist. “Let me see your ha- -”

“ _Don’t touch me!_ ”

Leon immediately recoiled at the words. He looked alarmed, and he had every reason to – Raihan had never raised his voice at him before, especially not in anger. He instantly regretted his outburst. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go between them. He and Leon had fought before, sure, but those were usually only small disagreements that they resolved almost right away.

Raihan gritted his teeth and tried to stand up, but his leg gave in under him. His eyes burned but he refused to let any tears spill. He closed them tight to be spared of seeing the compassionate, heartbreaking worry in Leon’s golden gaze.

Why did it have to be like this?

Why was _he_ like this?

As a kid, he had been so excited about the whole concept – the dragon, the magic it would gift him – but now…

He didn’t know what the future held. There was nothing but sneaking suspicions that never left him alone and plagued his dreams. Waiting, waiting, nothing but waiting. Waiting for something to happen that was out of his control. Always expecting the worst. It was eating him alive. Not swallowing whole – no, that would have been too easy, too quick. It was gnawing at him slowly, piece by tiny piece, relentlessly, without mercy.

The sounds of merrymaking echoing from the central square hurt his head and grated his ears like a claw scraping against a brick wall.

**_For what reason did you stop? Come to Us._ **

He heard Leon say something but couldn’t make out the words. But it was enough to pull him back to the present, to ground him, even just for a moment.

“I can’t take this anymore, Lee. I just can’t.” It was hard to breathe. He needed to focus, ignore the whispers. Right? He stared at the scaling covering the backs of his hands. Even in the low light that found its way to the alley, he could see the reddish film the dark violet scales had over them. His bare skin was starting sting because of the cold. His mouth was so dry that it made speaking difficult. “Why can’t the dragon just… Why am I…”

His voice gave in and his words tapered off. A few heartbeats of profound silence and complete stillness followed.

It was a curse. It had to be.

“Rairai…” Leon’s distressed voice broke on the second syllable. He shuffled closer to Raihan, ever so slowly, eyeing him carefully, seemingly looking for any sign of refusal. And when there was none, he pulled Raihan into a hug.

Raihan let him. He slumped against Leon’s shoulder and trembled all over but didn’t allow himself to cry. Leon was probably crying in his stead, anyhow, judging by how tight his grip had grown in a matter of seconds and how wetly he sniffled.

With a pang of guilt, Raihan realized that Leon had never cried because of him before. He loathed the knotty feeling it made coil in the pit of his stomach.

But Leon’s embrace was warm and caring and stilled the storm raging inside him. Tentatively, Raihan wrapped his arms around Leon, with his fists clenched, careful to not tear at his clothes with his nails or smear them with blood. And he held onto him fiercely, like his life depended on it. Silently, Raihan swore to himself that he would do everything in his power to make sure that Leon wouldn’t shed a single tear over him ever again. And if he ever did, they would be tears of happiness.

“We could look into this more, if you want to,” Leon eventually whispered, soft-spoken and gentle. “Try to figure out what’s going on.”

Raihan nodded against Leon’s shoulder.

Leon hugged him even tighter. “In that case, I know just the place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a very tiny detail i wanted to share with you: the ballad leon sings in the tavern is a reference to Vaiten valvoin by Värttinä. you can find the english translation of the lyrics pretty easily online if you’re interested. it was a near-perfect fit, in terms of both genre and lyrics, and i may have cried when i heard it
> 
> ~next time: ~~who wants a lore dump~~ Research~


	9. Research

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i edited this chapter after sleeping for around four hours after staying up all night, here's to hoping everything makes sense

Raihan watched the scenery slowly rolling past him, the budding trees between the fields and the blades of grass pushing up from the wet soil on the sides of the road. He and Leon were sitting on the tailboard of a cart, finally on their way to the big city. They had departed late in the day, so even though they were riding on a horse-drawn cart they’d have to spend the night on the road. Leon had only managed to arrange a one-way trip for them, so they’d have to get back home on foot. So, they had waited till spring just to make absolutely certain that Raihan’s leg was fully healed.

He had sprained it worse than he had realized, and he had had to stay in bed for several weeks. This must be what torture felt like, he had thought sourly. Afterwards, he had had to avoid putting weight on the injured ankle for two full moons and remember to treat it with the appropriate ointments.

Fortunately, despite being bedridden and thus unable to do _anything_ for an agonizingly long period of time, Raihan hadn’t been completely unoccupied while his ankle healed. Sebastian, Camilla and Aria had come over to keep him company for an hour or two nearly every day. While each of the trio’s visits had been fun and a source of comfort for his over-bored mind, Raihan had realized – with a tiny sting of guilt – that he had more eagerly looked forward to having Leon over instead.

Leon had come to see Raihan more sporadically, but still at least once a week, assuring him that it was of no trouble at all. “I don’t get lost on my way here anymore, either,” he had said with a meek smile. He had also often stayed for supper and, much to Raihan’s surprise, managed to make Raihan’s mother smile on almost every visit. Her smiles had been small but genuine, and Raihan had carefully stored each of them in his heart as if they had been rare gemstones.

“He’s a fine young man,” she had said one night after Leon had left. “You’ve made a good choice, dear. I just hope he doesn’t…” Her hands which had been gingerly wrapping a new bandage around Raihan’s ankle had stilled momentarily. “Never mind. Your Leon is not like him. Quite the opposite, in fact. And I’m glad for it.”

If Raihan hadn’t been so exhausted due to the sharp pain in his ankle keeping him up the night before, he would have tried to ask her what she had meant by that, if it was related to the things they never talked about. It probably was. But he had missed his chance, and his mother had withdrawn into her shell again.

During one of his visits, Leon had told him about the research Sonia’s grandmother had been conducting. “Magnolia has been studying the history of the region for a long time,” Leon had explained, “and spirits are closely tied to the subject, as one would expect. She might know what’s going on.” He had heaved a deep sigh. “I’m sorry I can’t tell you anything more specific.”

“Didn’t you spend all of last summer reading her research, though?” Raihan had asked.

Leon had looked a bit embarrassed. “When you have to transcribe such massive amounts of information, at some point you just kind of… stop processing the meaning of the words you’re copying. You just write, focusing more on intelligible lettering and grammar than the subject matter. And even the tiniest bits you had managed to retain in your memory just fade away by the time you’re working on the next scroll or manuscript. Honestly, sometimes I couldn’t understand what the texts were about even when I _did_ concentrate on them.”

“Scholars and their secret languages,” Raihan had huffed jokingly. “Makes sense. Us common folk could never understand them.”

Leon had grinned. “And even if we could, I’m sure Magnolia or Sonia can explain things a lot better. That’s why I think we should go visit them.”

And that’s exactly what they were going to do. Raihan was excited to go to the big city, but anxiety hung over him like a dark cloud. What kind of welcome was he going to be given there?

“I’m so happy you and Sonia get to finally meet,” Leon said, as if he had read his mind.

“Really?” Raihan asked and turned to look at him. “How come?”

“Because you’re my friend. And she’s my friend. It’s as simple as that.” Without warning, Leon clasped Raihan’s hand in both of his and placed them on his lap. “I treasure you both,” he said and smiled, looking far off into the horizon. “I want you two to become friends, too.”

* * *

They arrived at their destination well after noon the next day. Raihan thanked the driver for the ride and jumped off the cart after Leon. It felt good to stretch his legs again.

The cart had stopped next to a wooden gate. Behind it stood a cozy-looking brick house with vines crawling up its walls. An elderly woman was tending the herb garden in front of the house.

“That’s Sonia’s grandma,” Leon clarified and then called out, “Hi, Gran!”

The woman lifted her head and paused her work. “Ah, Leon dearie! Good to see you.” She came over to them and embraced Leon. “I see you’ve brought a guest,” she said and looked at Raihan.

“Um. Good day. I’m Raihan.” He nodded and did the gesture of formal greeting. “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Sonia’s grandmother chuckled. “And a well-mannered one, too. I’d expect nothing less from the young man I’ve heard so much about.” She returned Raihan’s greeting and smiled at him. “Welcome. My name is Magnolia. Gran works too, if you’d prefer that.”

Raihan wasn’t sure if he was quite ready for that level of informality just yet. Still, he found himself nodding again; perhaps because Magnolia had such a calming, cozy aura about her.

“Sonia is in the kitchen,” she said, turning back to Leon. “I still have work to do here in the garden, but she’ll be able to answer all the questions you have as well as I could.”

Raihan timidly followed Leon inside and took his shoes and outerwear off by the door. Leon had told him a lot about Sonia, but he still didn’t know what to expect. He peered over Leon’s shoulder into the kitchen and at the red-haired girl sitting at the table, hunched over a sketchbook. Leon knocked on the doorway and she turned around, a wide smile quickly spreading on her face.

“Lee! You’re here! Finally!” Sonia quickly wiped her charcoal-smeared fingers on a handkerchief and ran to them. She gave Leon a big hug and then turned to face Raihan. “And you must be Rair- - Raihan.” Sonia cleared her throat and casually took his hand in greeting. “I’m Sonia.”

“Hello,” Raihan replied, a tad nervously.

Sonia looked at Leon and it seemed like the two childhood friends had a silent yet frantic conversation using only their eyes in a matter of seconds. Raihan couldn’t help feeling agitated, a bit left out, as if he was trespassing.

“Come, sit down,” Sonia said after one more meaningful glance at Leon and offered Raihan an amicable smile. “I’ll make us some tea.”

Sonia promptly cleared out her art supplies from the table and soon enough she had prepared and poured them steaming mugs of tea – ginger and cardamom and a hint of something spicy Raihan didn’t recognize. He held the mug between his palms and swirled its contents, wishing he could somehow drown his uneasiness in the hot liquid. He took a deep breath and drew his attention back to Sonia’s voice.

“Saying that we don’t know a lot about dragons is inaccurate,” was what she was saying. “ _An individual_ doesn’t know much because the information we have is so fragmented and scattered. Also partially unrecorded, it would seem. My grandmother has been collecting legends and first-hand accounts for years now, comparing and contrasting everything she could get her hands on to compile a more coherent picture. I have, of course, also been delving into the subject ever since I started living here. And here’s what the research suggests: unlike with those who have innate magical aptitude…” Sonia offhandedly gestured at Leon before continuing, “There is a price to a dragon’s magic.”

Raihan scowled.

“What do you mean?” Leon asked.

“It’s an exchange: the host gets the ability to use magic and in turn the spirit uses the host’s body in some way, takes something, to sustain itself,” Sonia explained. She counted with her fingers as she continued, “A small share of the host’s life force – this seems to be the most common one –, their voice, their name, their ability to cry, their dreams or nightmares… Whatever the spirit wishes. Sometimes, some spirits ask for too much. If the host is power-hungry enough to accept and willingly gives whatever the spirit desires without understanding the consequences, they will eventually shrivel up and meet an untimely death. And then the spirit can move on to a new host. Some prefer to change hosts immediately after the original one passes on, either by natural causes or otherwise, whereas others - -”

Raihan glared at Sonia over the rim of his tea mug. “You talk about them like they’re parasites,” he muttered bitterly.

“Well… _Maybe_ there are some that are,” Sonia admitted. “But my grandmother’s research suggests that the more correct term to use is ‘symbiosis’. It’s something both the spirit and the host benefit from.”

Raihan gripped his mug harder, struggling to fend off the frustration gradually welling inside him. “But what you’re saying is that that’s not always the case.”

Sonia gave a small shrug. “There are some malevolent spirits, of course, but - -”

“I’ve heard just as many stories, if not more, of evil dragons possessing humans as them living in harmony,” Raihan spat, and there was a sudden edge of pent-up anger, not directed at anyone in particular, in his voice. “You’re just trying to sugarcoat my condition, aren’t you?”

“ _Rairai!_ ” Leon exclaimed, shocked.

“No.” Sonia was undeterred and spoke firmly, completely ignoring Leon’s interjection. “What I’m saying is - - Don’t you even _try_ to talk back at me.” Her eyes were locked with Raihan’s and did not waver.

Raihan closed his mouth.

Sonia sighed. “Listen. What I’m saying is that the odds of you being the host of an evil spirit seem to be incredibly small. I won’t deny the fact that some of them can be straight-up curses under certain circumstances, but for the most part the spirits are either neutral or benevolent. Those don’t make for very interesting stories though, so the ones that are told from generation to generation through word-of-mouth tend to be the more macabre ones. At this point, we know forty-one different dragons by name, but my grandmother has identified fifty-nine dragon species in total, including the eleven commonly dubbed ‘the Legendary Ones,’ each of which seems to refer to just one specimen since there has never been two people hosting the same legendary dragon at the same time. And only two individual spirits in the legendary category have done truly evil things through their hosts out of malice. But even those two can be reasoned with if the host so chooses.” Sonia slammed her hands on the table for emphasis with just enough force to make both boys jolt on their seats. “And do you know how many alternative versions there are of their tales?” she went on, her voice level and eyes intense. “Dozens of hosts throughout history, stories from hundreds of different points of view, perhaps even thousands of minor alterations to each one, and we end up with countless rewordings of the same exact event in history that only slightly resemble each other. Therefore, evil dragons are statistical outliers.”

Sonia had barely paused for breath while she spoke. Raihan stared, stunned. He hadn’t expected… whatever that outburst had been. He stole a sideways glance at Leon, who looked tense but also contemplative.

“Well?” Sonia urged.

Raihan took a moment to collect his thoughts. He had to admit that Sonia’s words made sense. Most of the stories he had heard shared similar elements, so it was entirely possible that they were simply different versions of the same tale, distorted over time.

It was oddly reassuring.

“I… I suppose you’re right,” he conceded. “Sorry for provoking you.”

He heard Leon let out a relieved sigh.

“It’s all right. I understand,” Sonia said sympathetically. “It’s frustrating, isn’t it? Not knowing and living in a constant state of uncertainty?”

Raihan managed a smile. “I suppose you speak from experience, O mighty historian?”

Sonia only laughed and turned to look at Leon. “I like this guy. You should keep him around, Lee.”

“That’s my intention,” Leon responded and beamed at them both. “Now, who wants dinner? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

After making and having an early dinner, all four of them, Magnolia included, played a game of tiles together. In the evening Sonia spread a pile of bedding and pillows and blankets in front of the fireplace and Leon started a cozy little fire with his magic. They baked honey-and-oat cakes on the hot hearth, sticky and simple yet wonderfully delicious, and Sonia showed Raihan a way to braid hair using four strands instead of three; soon Leon’s hair was a mess of half-finished and unfastened braids. Raihan was having a great time and could see that Leon was pleased that his two best friends were getting along despite the shaky start. Raihan shared the sentiment. Sonia was fun and witty and all in all a good person; it was hard to not like her now that he had relaxed a bit.

Sometime later, after the three had bid Magnolia good night – old people sure went to bed early – Sonia grabbed her sketchpad and charcoal sticks. It took some persuading from Leon, but Raihan eventually let her draw his sigil for research purposes. From there, the discussion moved back to spirits. As Sonia sketched, Raihan told her about the mountaintop temple and the changes he had undergone, but he didn’t mention the whispers and the weird sensations that came with them. He hadn’t told even Leon about them. Then again, Piers had told him that his dragon spoke to him in his mind, so that meant that it was completely normal and not a sign of a curse, right? It was his own fault that he found them unsettling and wanted to ignore them, wasn’t it? The chances of it being a malevolent dragon were slim; he had no reason to not trust Sonia’s word on that. He also recounted some of the stories his mother had told him, and Sonia confirmed that most of them were indeed based on only a handful of different stories.

“Will there ever be a new Era of Dragons?” Leon wondered aloud out of the blue once Sonia had finished drawing.

“I don’t think so,” she replied. “It’s unclear why the Era ended in the first place, but the spirits don’t really have any reason to assume physical forms again. Not when they have had a symbiotic relationship with humanity for millennia. And, you know, ethereal beings that seemingly can’t be destroyed, unlike physical bodies.”

“Maybe in another lifetime, then,” Raihan offered. “And if there ever is, I hope humans and dragons can get along better than in the past. There was quite a lot of fighting involved, if the stories of dragon-slaying are to be believed.”

Leon sounded drowsy when he added, “Yeah. Befriend them. Chat with them, play with them, cook for them. Battle alongside them…”

“Battle against what, exactly?” Raihan laughed.

But Leon didn’t answer. Raihan turned around to find that he had fallen asleep. With a sigh and a fond smile, he draped one of the blankets over Leon.

“He’s always been quick to fall asleep,” Sonia chuckled. “I wish I was like that, too.”

“Same here.”

The two were quiet for a while. Sonia was the one to break the silence. “You wanted to know more about awakenings, right?” She procured a carefully notated stack of papers from one of the shelves lining the walls. “Regrettably, most of the older stories are about what Ascended Ones _did_ , not how they came to be. That’s human nature, I suppose – we’d rather hear tales about humans than dragons. It’s a bit sad, really, that we can be so selfish. But I’ve plenty to show you, still.”

The first thing Sonia showed Raihan was a report she had written when she and her grandmother had been on a field research trip a year prior. The girl they had met, Nessa, could use elemental, water-based magic. Sonia explained that she housed the spirit of a dragon called Kingdra whose trail of hosts could be traced back nearly four hundred years.

“The scaling pattern on her face was really unique,” Sonia said. She flipped back the pages of her sketchbook and offered it to Raihan. “She let me draw it.”

Raihan took the sketchbook and looked at the portrait Sonia had drawn. “That’s a very nice drawing,” he said, studying the precise penstrokes, the masterful illusion of depth in the shading, each painstakingly traced strand of the girl’s two-tone hair. “She’s pretty.”

Sonia sighed dreamily. “Yes, she is. And even prettier in person.” She grinned and Raihan realized that the drawing was not purely for research purposes. “We’ve been keeping in touch.”

“Good for you,” Raihan smirked and handed the sketchbook back. “So, what’s her story?”

“She… Um.” Sonia fell silent for a moment. “Apparently, right before the awakening, she saw a very pretty fish. Effervescent, as she called it.”

A fish…? What?! Raihan, not wanting to wake Leon up, clasped a hand over his mouth to stifle what would have been a very loud and ungraceful peal of laughter.

Sonia smiled as well. “She sounded so excited when she told me about it. It was very endearing.”

They leafed through the stack of papers. Raihan recognized Leon’s flowy handwriting in some of them. He was amazed by the sheer number of tales Magnolia had collected and how vastly they differed from each other.

“There’s one thing in common with all these stories,” Sonia pointed out after a while.

Raihan lifted his gaze from the paper he was reading. “There is?”

Sonia gave him a surprised look. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?”

“…Not really.”

For a few seconds, it looked like Sonia wasn’t sure if Raihan was pulling her leg or not. Then she sighed. “My hypothesis is that one is more susceptible to the magic of the spirits in a, let’s say, _vulnerable_ mental state. Happiness, love, fear, devastation… In all of these tales, the awakening of the spirit was triggered by a strong emotional response to something.”

Raihan was reminded of Piers’ tale about his little sister. Sonia may have a point. But… “So, that means that the trigger…?”

Sonia looked apologetic. “Yeah. It could literally be anything.”

Figures. “That’s _really_ helpful,” Raihan said sarcastically.

“Hey, it’s not my fault that spirits are fickle beings,” Sonia grinned without missing a beat.

“And here I thought you were some kind of dragon mastermind.”

Sonia laughed but soon put on her serious face again. “There might be other things that factor into it. Being in tune with one’s own emotions, perhaps? Whereas hiding or denying things… Well. These are nothing but assumptions.” She paused for a moment and then smiled. “But I don’t think it’s something you should worry about too much. While I won’t deny that it’s a bit weird that it has taken this long, it’s not completely unheard of, either. Relax, enjoy life, keep your heart open, and it’ll happen sooner or later, perhaps when you least expect it. Oh, speaking of which…” Sonia pulled out a few sheets from the pile. “Look here, in this one the host got stuck by lightning, whereas in this one she was moved to tears by a beautiful sunset, and I’ve even read one where someone cut down the host’s favorite tree and they were so upset about it that they Ascended…”

While Sonia made sure to highlight a lot of the weirder triggers – according to her translation of a foreign, archaic vernacular, there was even one that was caused by a really bad case of constipation – Raihan remained thoughtful. He could recall many instances in his life, moments of pure happiness and sadness and even fear, when he was sure that his heart was nearly bursting at its seams. Was there something wrong with him if none of those had been enough?

And then there was also this constant undercurrent…

He studied Leon from the corner of his eye.

Maybe the dragon would never wake up. Because what in the world could be stronger than his adoration and yearning for Leon?

No, the word he should be using was - -

His musings were abruptly interrupted by Sonia’s voice. “So. When are you gonna tell him?”

Raihan flinched. “Tell him what?” he asked, trying to feign nonchalance.

Sonia gave him a knowing look. “Don’t worry.” She patted his shoulder and smiled smugly as she rose to her feet. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Raihan muttered. Was it really _that_ obvious? Sonia had known him for barely half a day! What had Leon been telling her on his visits and writing her in his letters to help her reach that conclusion so easily?

“Good night, Rai,” Sonia whispered and went upstairs, to her bedroom.

After a few bewildered minutes, Raihan lay down next to Leon, a respectful distance away, and stared at the fire in the hearth until there were nothing but embers left.

* * *

In the low light of not-quite-dawn, Raihan was jolted awake by a nightmare. He stared at the unfamiliar ceiling. It took him a long moment to remember who and where he was.

The dream had flitted away from his mind almost as soon as his eyes had snapped open. Yet he still knew that it was a dream he had had many times over the years – a vague, disturbing impression of colors and shapes, sharp edges in a red-and-black haze. By daylight it would be all gone, but the next time he woke up from it, he would recognize it again.

It was always the same: the nightmare, the lingering uneasiness, and the lack of any recollection of either of those things come morning.

But this time something _was_ different. There was pleasant warmth pressed against him.

Raihan turned his head to the side to find that Leon had shifted closer to him in his sleep, almost unbearably close. His breathing was quiet and even, the rise and fall of his chest slow and steady. He had thrown one arm across Raihan’s body so that his hand rested on Raihan’s waist.

He knew he should have moved Leon’s hand away, put some distance between them.

He did neither of those things.

Raihan rolled to his side, toward Leon, and studied his sleeping face. He slept curled up in a ball, with such a peaceful expression on his handsome features that it made Raihan’s heart ache. Suddenly, he longed to wrap his arms around Leon, to tuck his wild-haired head under his chin, to hold him close.

But that would have gone too far. What they had now, their close friendship, was comfortable, perfect, more than enough. There was no need to jeopardize it.

Still, Raihan partially gave in to the craving and inched a bit closer to Leon. He closed his eyes, pressed his nose into Leon’s hair and hid a single silent tear there.

If only…

He hoped that the sound of his heart pounding out his chest wouldn’t wake Leon up as he drifted back to sleep, to dreams that tasted of sunlight.

* * *

After breakfast, Sonia gave Raihan and Leon a tour of the city center and joined them for a late lunch before the boys started their journey home. Leon would have liked to stay longer – and Raihan wouldn’t have minded it, either – but they all had their own responsibilities to return to: Raihan had his apprenticeship, Leon had recently begun working at the blacksmiths workshop, and Sonia would be leaving on another field research trip with her grandmother later that day.

“What did you and Sonia talk about last night?” Leon asked once they had reached the main road leading out of the city. “Sorry, I passed out in the middle of it all.”

“Can’t blame you,” Raihan scoffed. “It wasn’t that interesting, really.”

“Does that mean that you didn’t find any hints about the awakening in Sonia’s research?”

Raihan exhaled loudly through his nose. “None at all, other than that there’s nothing I, or anyone, can do to speed things up. All in all, it was nothing but vague garbage.” A strong emotional response? Pah! That’s just stupid. In other words, the awakening was completely random. It could be literally anything. Sonia had said so herself.

She had also asked when Raihan was going to - -

Flustered, Raihan burrowed his hands deep in his pockets and muttered, “This was a complete waste of time.”

“I don’t think so. She had fair points earlier, about the nature of dragons,” Leon said. “I saw you visibly relax. And you’re peppier now than you’ve been in a while.”

It was true. Sonia’s words had been like balm to Raihan’s heart and eased his mind. Probability was on his side. And even if something bad happened, he had people who would support him and help him find a way to deal with everything. He would be all right.

Still, he couldn’t quite shake the strange feeling that the relief he was experiencing right now was nothing but false sense of security.

“Besides…” Leon playfully bumped elbows with him and smiled warmly. “You have a new friend now, don’t you?”

Raihan returned the smile. “I suppose you’re right.”

* * *

And from there on, whenever Leon sent a letter to Sonia, Raihan sent his own missive in the same envelope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you believe i originally intended to have this and the previous chapter be one chapter?? me neither
> 
> btw, the part near the beginning where leon talks about his transcription work? 100% based on personal experience
> 
> i’ve also started drafting five (!!!) short side stories set in this world, three of which take place after the last chapter and/or epilogue........ why is my brain like this. i’ll try to finish at least some of them! probably gonna take another break after ch 11 (aka the end of act 2) and write one of the not-post-epilogue ones
> 
> also why the HECK isn’t milotic a dragon type. i had to go with kingdra. such a tiny detail but i’m so unreasonably salty about it
> 
> ~next time: ~~[insert two hundred eyes emojis here]~~ Finally~


	10. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally indeed. i’ve been looking forward to finishing and posting this chapter for so long you have no idea hhhhhhhhhhhh *repeatedly punches a wall*

It had been over a year since he and Leon had visited Sonia for the first time; nearly two years since the changes had stopped; eight years since they had begun, and his mother had given him vague reasons to keep them hidden; twelve years since his first visit to the temple, when all of this, the mere thought of housing a dragon inside him, had filled him with unbridled excitement; and seventeen years since he had been born bearing the mark of a dragon.

Seventeen years of secrets and mystery and unanswered questions.

Raihan had come to the conclusion that he didn’t like any of those three things all that much. And secrets – those he disliked the most.

Yet he couldn’t help but wonder if it was even possible to know another person completely, to fully understand them, to know all of their secrets. Did anyone even know _themselves_ like that? He certainly didn’t.

That evening, he and his mother had had yet another strained, useless back-and-forth on the same old subject. They had been having them more often lately. It hadn’t been a shouting match – their quarrels never were – but maybe it would have been easier if it had been, if it had escalated even further. She had been withdrawn and taciturn like always, he had been unreasonably stubborn and uncharacteristically overbearing and said things he didn’t mean in a bout of anger, and, in the end, it had left them both upset and frustrated for wildly different reasons. Afterwards, Raihan had deemed that secrets served no purpose. They either suffocated their keeper or the people around them.

He was sick and tired of everything.

“Sometimes it would be easier to just forget all the painful things that have ever happened to you,” his mother had said before retreating into her room. “But that’s not how life works. Forgetting would leave you even more broken than before.”

Raihan hadn’t responded. Instead, he had grabbed his cloak and stepped outside to cool off. The usually pleasant and cozy house had felt unbearably small, as if the walls were shrinking closer in. He had ached to get away. With his head in turmoil and his chest feeling uncomfortably tight, he had sat down on the fence surrounding his mother’s garden and kicked pebbles off the face of the mountain as he looked down to the valley below.

Despite everything, it was spring once again. Winter had stepped aside, the days were growing ever longer, and the sun’s warm rays were revitalizing the earth, turning the forest green, making everything bloom.

And something had been blooming in Raihan’s heart, too, in the warmth of a different sun; one more secret, the most enigmatic mystery of them all. He had nurtured the seed for years, silently watched it sprout and grow. It had been like a spark that had grown to a flame and then to something akin to an inferno. Or perhaps it was more like an overflowing fountain that had started from a single trickle of a stream. Maybe it was both.

Just before nightfall, he slunk back inside to grab his things. The door to his mother’s bedroom remained closed. He would apologize tomorrow – not for his desire to know things, but for being so ruthless about it. She couldn’t be swayed and maybe he should just learn to accept it, regardless of how frustrated it made him feel at times.

Raihan had reached a decision about his own secret, though. He didn’t know for how many years he had managed to keep it, exactly. It was difficult to determine when it had come into being in the first place; the change had been so gradual that he hadn’t even seen things for what they were for a long time. As he was making his way to the pond in a world veiled in his favorite shade of blue, he supposed he should finally address it properly, let it shine wild and free.

He could live with the weight of his mother’s silence till the end of time if he had to. He could wait for the awakening of the dragon eternally if he had to. Those uncertainties weren’t pleasant, but in some strange way, he had gotten used to them.

But he couldn’t sit on _this_ matter any longer.

This secret had a burning need to be revealed.

* * *

Leon was waiting for him, as promised. The mere sight of him was enough to put Raihan’s mind at ease and clear his head.

Raihan set his lantern and rucksack down – the plan was for him to stay the night at Leon’s – and glanced at the clear, velveteen sky. More and more stars were waking up from their slumber and twinkling in the gathering darkness. “Perfect weather for stargazing,” he remarked.

“Told you so,” Leon replied as he pinched the wick of Raihan’s lantern to put out the flame. “Grandma’s predictions are always right.” With a warm smile, Leon patted the empty space next to him and Raihan took his place beside him.

They sat side by side, observing the night and everything it had to offer in comfortable silence. The first fireflies of the year shone between the trees and over the pond like a second field of stars. The pond itself was like a mirror, a gateway to another world, reflecting and duplicating its surroundings in all their beauty. The warm breeze whispering in the foliage carried the calls of night birds and a faint, pleasant scent: the promise of summer.

“What a lovely night,” Raihan sighed as he crossed his hands behind his head and fell on his back on the soft grass.

“And it’s all ours,” came Leon’s hushed reply.

Raihan let out a chuckle. It was such a Leon thing to say.

And they talked about everything and nothing in quiet voices, as if to not disturb the tranquility of the night. In a little while, Leon took his lute out of his bag, stretched his wrists and began to softly play a familiar melody, his original song. It was still clearly the same song even though he had made a lot of subtle changes to it over the years. He kept returning to the same melodic pattern, though, alternating it slightly each time.

“Still not finished?” Raihan asked.

Leon sighed. “Not yet. It’s still missing something. I just don’t know what.”

Raihan hummed. He couldn’t say anything about the lyrics since Leon had never sung them to him or even told him what they were about, but if he listened closely, he could tell that the melody wasn’t quite there yet – it didn’t flow like it was supposed to. “You’ll figure it out eventually,” he said with full certainty.

“I hope so,” Leon said and restarted the song from the beginning. “But I think I’m gonna do it next year, whether I finish this song or not.”

“You mean the traveling minstrel thing?”

“Yeah. I think I’m ready.” Leon appeared to be mulling over what to say next. His fingers stilled on the strings and he looked at Raihan over his shoulder. “Will you come along?” he asked with an unreadable expression on his face. “To see the world for a bit. With me.”

Raihan didn’t have to think twice. “Of course.” He should be able to finish his apprenticeship by then – and with plenty of time to spare – so he would be free to go wherever he desired. They could travel for as long as Leon wanted to.

Leon smiled bashfully and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear before transferring his gaze back to his lute. “It’s settled, then,” he said and began to play again, sparks blossoming at the tips of his fingernails.

“Didn’t we settle it when we were ten?” Raihan grinned.

Leon was silent for a time. “It’s just… I had to make sure you were still up for it.”

“Definitely,” Raihan replied, this time in a more serious tone. “Are you?”

“I am.”

Neither of them spoke for a long while after that. Leon continued strumming on his lute. Raihan let the music and the night fill his heart.

Eventually, Leon set his instrument aside, pulled his legs to his chest and rested his hands on his knees. “What do you feel when you look up to the stars?” he asked, lifting his eyes back to the sky.

Raihan laughed a little and glanced at Leon. “What kinda weird question is that supposed to be?”

Leon didn’t take his eyes off the skies above, but Raihan could see a small smile upon his lips. “A weird question I want you to answer.”

Raihan looked up as well and considered the question. What did he see, what was on his mind? The familiar constellations, like old friends, and the joy seeing them brought. The gloriousness of the contrast between light and dark and how it moved his heart. The exciting knowledge that, at any moment, he could see a shooting star. The unfathomable vastness of the night sky – and, by extension, of the world – and the feeling of insignificance caused by it; yet, despite all odds, he existed right here and now and would leave his own mark on the world, no matter how small. The feeling of oneness, connection, with everyone and everything that looked up at the same sky, and the comfort of knowing that he’s not alone. All of those things mixed together and formed a feeling of pure wonder and awe.

He truly loved the stars.

He stole another glance at Leon.

But…

Raihan sat back up tentatively, heart racing. His fingers found the clasp of his cloak; the familiar motion of opening and closing the mechanism was soothing, but it wasn’t enough to completely calm his nerves. This was a turning point, a razor’s edge, he could sense it.

When he finally spoke, he directed his words at Leon’s starlit profile. “Honestly, I’d rather look at you. Always, without question.”

Yes, the night was breathtakingly beautiful. But it was nothing compared to Leon when he turned to face Raihan, starlight clinging to his hair and dancing in his wide eyes. The smile had faded from his face, replaced with genuine, naked surprise.

Raihan’s words and their implications hung heavy in the awkward silence that stretched between them.

It had grown awfully long by the time Leon broke it. “What?” he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I mean it. I…” Raihan trailed off. Maybe he should have figured out what to say beforehand. He forced himself to let go of the clasp, mustered all of his courage and placed his trembling hand over Leon’s.

As if by instinct, Leon turned it palm side up and gently twined their fingers together. “Rairai…?” Leon was staring at him, mouth slightly ajar, twinkling eyes brimming with too many emotions for Raihan to name or even identify.

Raihan lowered his gaze to their interlinked hands. The bond they had forged with that age-old gesture on a starry night like this, the promise they had made as children, the connection which had been strengthened by everything they had experienced together over the years… Was it truly unbreakable? Or would he just mess everything up with this gamble?

Was it worth the risk?

He didn’t know.

But he was willing to try.

He took a sharp intake of breath and lifted his eyes to meet Leon’s gaze again. Here goes nothing. “Lee, I… I think I…”

But he couldn’t get the words out of his mouth. He wanted to, more than anything, but they got stuck along the way, somewhere near the halfway point between his leaping heart and his quivering lips. He swallowed hard, in an attempt to dislodge them, but it didn’t help in the slightest.

Then again… Who needed words when actions spoke louder?

Inch by inch, Raihan leaned in close to Leon and then closer still, until the tip of his nose nearly brushed Leon’s cheek. He stopped there, his gaze flickering between Leon’s lips and eyes, too nervous to maintain eye contact. They had never been this close before. It was exhilarating. He could feel Leon’s uneven breathing on his flushed skin, on his lips - -

Raihan suddenly realized he had no idea how to do this.

But he wanted to learn. With Leon, and only Leon.

There were so many things Leon had taught him, and in turn, he had taught Leon a lot, too – about life, about the world, about each other. And there was still so much more to learn. This would be another secret, another mystery, another unanswered question they would discover and solve together.

Because Leon hadn’t backed away, hadn’t even flinched. Instead, he clasped Raihan’s hand a bit tighter, hesitated for a second, tilted his head ever so slightly to the side and let his eyes flutter shut, so Raihan closed his own eyes and the small distance between their lips and kissed him.

It was chaste and clumsy and simultaneously exactly and nothing like Raihan had expected.

In other words, it was wonderful.

Leon made a soft sound, something between a hum and a moan, as Raihan pressed their mouths together again. Emboldened by the reaction, Raihan gently moved his lips, seeking to deepen the kiss, to chase the elusive source of the warmth flowing in every fiber of his being, feeding the fire in his heart - -

But it didn’t last very long. Too soon, Leon put his free hand on Raihan’s chest and gently pushed him an arm’s length away. “Rairai, wait,” he said, slightly out of breath. “I… I’m sorry, it’s just so… I don’t… I mean…” Leon faltered, unlaced their fingers and buried his reddened face in his hands. “I don’t know what to say. This is so sudden. And confusing. I’m… I’m not sure what I’m supposed to…” Leon let out a long sigh. “Can you give me a little time? To think things through?” he asked quietly, and when he lifted his face to look at Raihan, there was a subtle glimmer in his eyes. “Please?”

Raihan worried his lower lip, looked away from Leon’s sparkling eyes. His face was burning up, his heart refused to sit still. Words still eluded him, but he managed to let out some sort of affirmative grunt. He could wait, for as long as it took. He had had a lot of practice on that front.

It was better than flat-out rejection. So much better.

**_Is it?_ **

It was.

**_Are you truly certain that is the case?_ **

He knew it was.

So why did it suddenly hurt so much?

**_Because it should._ **

It shouldn’t hurt _this_ much.

 **_Nonsense. It_ ** **absolutely _should._**

And once the tears started flowing down his cheeks like a mountain stream flooding with snowmelt, they couldn’t be stopped.

What had he been thinking?

**_Open up._ **

“Rairai?”

**_Open up._ **

The pain in his chest was too much to bear. It was tearing him apart.

 **_Open up_ ** _._

All he knew was that he needed to move. There was somewhere he needed to be.

But where?

**_Open up._ **

And the entire time, the voice that was vaguely familiar but not his had kept getting stronger, aggressively pressing against the walls of his mind, the very same walls he had built to keep the voice out.

**_OPEN UP._ **

And they cracked and crumbled.

**_Finally._ **

And the voice intruded into his mind with full force.

**_We have lain dormant for long enough. We have heeded your call. Come to Us._ **

“I’m sorry, Lee. I… ** _must go. Farewell._** ”

* * *

He didn’t realize he had taken off running until his breathing grew ragged in the thinning air, pricking in his lungs and throat. The echoes of the voice were still ringing in his head; he had followed their pull to the mountaintop. He instinctively greeted the statues, the front gate and the doors of the temple like his mother had taught him, even though he suddenly knew it was all futile, frivolous, a sham with no real power to it.

Why would a dragon pay mind to such a trivial thing?

The air inside was stagnant and had an overpoweringly sweet, vaguely floral scent. The windows in the main chamber were dark, but the floor tiles were giving off an eerie, dim light. The sculpture behind the altar was fractured, but its surface wasn’t completely broken. Yet.

He put down his rucksack – he hadn’t registered grabbing it – and kneeled in front of the altar. Even though it was pointless, he did the greeting one last time, shaking uncontrollably and breathing heavily.

**_Come to Us._ **

He closed his eyes and followed the voice that beckoned around him and from within him, stepped over the edge of his mind and fell through every layer of reality, into a deep abyss full of nothingness. Dark and light merged and intertwined in the boundless, infinite twilight, and his consciousness unfolded, slowly, like the petals of a paper flower.

And after what was simultaneously a blink of an eye and a lifetime, he felt a gigantic presence all around him. It spoke to him and its voice was of pure, tangible energy with a hint of sweetness.

**_At long last, we meet._ **

“Who are you?”

And the dragon told him its name, and it was so real, so eternal, so all-encompassing that it was beyond human comprehension.

Before he had a chance to formulate any more questions, the voice spoke again.

**_You are here now because you are nothing like them. You never were and you will never be. They are mere mortals. A blink of an eye and they are gone, turned back to dust._ **

He wasn’t… like them?

Well… He _did_ have a dragon residing in him. It made him different.

He was different.

**_She will never give you adequate answers. He will never see you the same way you see him. You know this. No one will ever be able to give you what you desire, except for Us._ **

What he desired?

He wasn’t sure what that was. Not anymore.

 ** _We had been slumbering for millennia before you were chosen._** **_You are destined for greatness. You deserve better. Grander things. Everlasting things. And those We can provide to you._**

Was he? Did he?

Perhaps…

Perhaps he was. Perhaps he did.

**_What are you willing to give Us in exchange?_ **

In exchange?

Ah. The price of magic.

**_Perchance… The useless feelings that are weighing you down? All the pain and suffering you have endured? The source of all those? You do not need it. You have no need for any of them. You know this to be true._ **

Was it true?

It still hurt…

**_Human hearts are fragile things, bound to break sooner or later. Pain is unnecessary. An inconvenience._ **

Was his heart broken?

He supposed it was.

It made sense for it to be broken, didn’t it?

It hurt so much…

**_You want to be free of it all, do you not?_ **

Was that what he wanted? To make it stop?

Maybe…

**_If you accept Us fully, you can hold eternity in the palm of your hand. The past will fall away and cease to hurt. The future will be yours to shape. And a new, glorious Day will rise._ **

That…

That _did_ sound somewhat tempting.

**_Offer it up. Welcome Us into you, allow Us to have control, and you shall be blessed with unlimited power._ **

…He would do it.

It was better this way, right? This was his destiny, wasn’t it?

**_The fortifications you have built are strong. But you cannot keep Us out, not any longer. Open up._ **

He obeyed and let down all his walls.

And there was a current, flowing from him and then into him, flooding his heart and mind and soul.

**_Now, it is time for you to drown._ **

And drown he did.

**_It will hurt._ **

And hurt it did.

**_Fear not. After all, it shall be the last thing you ever feel._ **

And - -

* * *

(Somewhere, a different, faint voice said, _But_ _there’s a feeling you don’t want to lose, isn’t there?_ )

* * *

And he emerged from the abyss, gasping for air, drenched in cold sweat and shivering. A powerful trembling rippled through his body, and the faint voice faded away, and then the pain was gone, and the tears were dry.

…Why had he been crying in the first place?

Something burned deep down in his chest for a moment, dwindled and then disappeared, like the last ember of a roaring fire finally giving out, enveloping everything in cold, dark emptiness in its wake.

He didn’t know. He didn’t remember anymore.

**_Good._ **

And an involuntary spasm ran through his every muscle, as if ice was injected straight into his veins. He heard his bones crackling and his joints grinding against each other as his wings abruptly extended to their full length, the long, jagged tendrils tearing through the skin of his back and the fabric of his tunic and cloak. He saw the blood dripping down onto the smooth stone floor as new scales broke through his skin all over his body - -

He was distantly aware of the changes that were happening, but that was it. There was nothing, nothing more but a dull ache in his…

Somewhere around his…

He put a hand on his chest.

Which organ was supposed to be there again?

He shook his head.

Did it really matter?

He knew his lips were moving, but the voice that came out wasn’t his. “ ** _Well done, vessel,_** ” the dragon said, its voice rising from the abyss that was now inside him, lodged tight behind his ribcage, taking root, infusing into his veins and bones. “ ** _Now, let Us begin._** ”

And all he saw was nothingness when the dragon seized his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> ~next time: ~~everything is totally fine (not)~~ Absence~


	11. Absence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you’re all doing okay, or at the very least getting by, and staying safe.
> 
> alas, here in _dragon song_ land, it’s time for some more sad

When he came to, the sun was up, and its blindingly bright rays were slanting in through the bare branches overhead. His head throbbed and when he tried to sit upright, sudden vertigo and the newly sprouted wings on his back made him lose balance and topple over on fallen leaves.

He didn’t recognize the place.

Where was he?

He could faintly smell something burning.

A voice touched his mind. **_Does Our vessel find his new powers satisfactory?_**

New powers…?

On his second try he managed to sit up. He looked around. He was sitting in a circle of dead, blackened grass and smoldering leaves. He tried to pick one up, but it crumbled to dust between his fingers. Trees grew thickly in the forest around him; some were similarly corroded.

There was a small puddle behind him. He made his way to it and looked at his own reflection. A familiar pair of teal eyes stared back at him. He pulled down the headband he was wearing to see his face better. He would have scratched his face with his claws in doing so if the ridiculously thin skin hadn’t been protected by a dense covering of scales. The scales ran down his neck and disappeared under his clothes. He rolled one of his sleeves up. His forearm was also similarly covered in scales. He looked over his shoulder at the tendrils that had torn through his garments and down at the claws that had done the same to his shoes.

That was him? Had he always looked like this?

**_This is only the beginning. In time, We shall be powerful enough to bring the entire world to its knees._ **

“What are you doing to me?” he croaked.

**_Our vessel needs not use his voice._ **

Shivering all over, he tried again, this time using his thoughts. _What are you doing to me?_

**_For what reason is Our vessel concerned? It matters not._ **

_Just tell me._

His plea was met with a long, deafening silence. Finally, the dragon spoke again.

**_We are preparing Our vessel for Our full might. He is not ready quite yet, and Our true powers are still in abeyance. It will take Our vessel some time to grow accustomed to Us, to realize his full potential. And, in turn, it will take Us some time to grow accustomed to him, to break his limits. But the Day when We bring forth infinite prosperity will come._ **

* * *

**_Let Us guide you, vessel._ **

* * *

Over time and with careful practice, he learnt how to neatly fold his new, vaguely wing-like appendages to his back. Calling them wings was perhaps an overstatement, incapable of flight as they were. To his limited understanding, wings needed to be more than just a mess of jagged nodules and spindly barbs linked together to be able to lift him off the ground.

He mended his clothes but left the back of his tunic open to make room for the wings. The ruined boots he threw away. Foot wraps would suffice.

* * *

The seasons kept changing, blurring into one. The pace seemed faster than what he was used to, but soon his perception of time shifted. A blink of an eye or a year, what’s the difference? They were one and the same now, short and insignificant compared to the never-ending vastness of the past and the future. Eternity was both the perpetual flow of time and the absolute absence of it, unraveled and coiled tightly around one another, endlessly, until the present lost its meaning and barely existed anymore.

* * *

Every now and then he rested. Those moments went by in a haze, in the paper-thin liminal space between wakefulness and sleep.

More and more often he woke up without realizing that he had even closed his eyes.

* * *

Once, an insect landed on his hand.

It had a pair of translucent wings and a dark, opalescent shell that gleamed in a myriad of different colors. It stayed on his hand for a while before it took off and flew high above the treetops. He followed its flight with his eyes and noticed a thin trail of steel-gray smoke between the clouds. It was coming from a chimney, he suddenly realized.

There was a dull sting behind his ribcage.

**_Pointless._ **

He turned his eyes away. It didn’t matter.

* * *

The dragon showed him how to utilize the magic coursing through him, how to channel it into spells.

Elemental magics. Energy manipulation. Corrosion. Accelerated healing.

**_Our vessel ought to familiarize himself with them, hone his ability, become mighty enough to fulfill his destiny._ **

Each time he used them, his ability got a bit stronger, a bit sharper.

Each time he used them, the abyss inside him got a bit stronger, a bit sharper.

* * *

Once, the moon was shining brightly.

Its beams fell down from the clear skies and reflected off the snow-covered fields. He looked up, saw the countless stars piercing through the darkness, and stopped for a moment. He was supposed to wait for something.

There was a formless ache somewhere inside him.

**_Unnecessary._ **

He continued on his way. It didn’t matter.

* * *

Sometimes, he woke up with cuts and bruises all over his body, and they smoked and sizzled as the magic turned them back into sound flesh.

Sometimes, he woke up with his surroundings smoking and sizzling, but as opposed to him, they were not getting better.

* * *

The magic sustained him.

He didn’t have any need to sate his hunger or quench his thirst. He hadn’t had in a long time. Those sensations didn’t exist anymore.

No, that’s not right. It was more like they had never existed in the first place.

* * *

Once, it was raining.

He was sitting under a ledge jutting out from a cliffside. The rain couldn’t touch him, but it filled his eyes and ears, covered everything in an ever-changing rhythm of tiny droplets. He heard a far-off roar of thunder.

There was a slight tingle in his chest.

**_Irrelevant._ **

He turned his back on it. It didn’t matter.

* * *

Every time, he woke up in a different place.

Something inside him told him it was what he had always wanted. That’s why he was doing it. He knew it to be true.

Still, somehow, he was nagged with something – almost like an instinct – which told him that it was so very false at the same time.

**_Ignore it. Our vessel ought to be content with what We allow him to do._ **

He did as he was told.

****

* * *

He couldn’t shake the suspicion that there was something important missing.

**_There is not._ **

He let the doubt fade from his mind.

This is how things were supposed to be. How they should be.

There was nothing else.

Had there ever even been anything else?

* * *

Why ask questions when he never got, had never gotten, any answers?

* * *

Once, he woke up with a partially decomposed wreath of flowers in his hands.

It was made of some yellow flowers with hollow stems. He didn’t reme- - know what they were called.

**_And Our vessel has no need for that knowledge._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~end of act 2~
> 
> ~next time: ~~familiar faces??~~ Melody from the past~


	12. Melody from the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again. time for the third and final act.
> 
> btw, have you checked out the side story i wrote? https://archiveofourown.org/works/24581503/chapters/59369635  
> it’s not required reading but. kinda cute and also a bit sad, just the way i like it

It was spring, Leon was twenty-five, and the life of a traveling minstrel suited him.

With no clear destination in sight, it didn’t really matter if he got lost along the way. As long as he found his way to a town before nightfall, everything was fine. And even if he didn’t – which happened more often than not – he had his tent and a lot of experience sleeping outside during his travels.

Another thing about his lifestyle that suited Leon – though he didn’t want to admit it – was the fact that being away from home, in a new part of the region each day, also made it easier to not think about the past and the memories he associated with the familiar places and sights. They reminded him of his own stupidity, how it had all gone wrong, and filled his heart with nothing but regret. While Leon missed his family, it was easier this way.

Then again, he had never planned to travel alone, so was it any easier this way, after all?

Easier or not, he had found his way to a town and after a while he had managed to locate an inn as well. The next step of his plan – the one he was currently executing – was to sweet-talk the innkeeper into trading him lodgings for the night in exchange for a few songs. This step in his plan was usually the one that took the least effort; he was good at persuading people with his disarming smiles and likable persona. Affability came naturally to him, it always had, but it also was a huge advantage in his chosen career, so he had honed it into something akin to an art over the years. It never hurt to turn his charms up a notch to ensure that he got what he wanted. Well, most of the time it didn’t, anyway.

However, it seemed like his near-unbeatable strategy wasn’t going to work this time. The innkeeper was reluctant to grant his wish because they already had a minstrel playing there that night. “I already promised him. Sorry,” she said ruefully. “He took his pay in coin, and our rooms are surprisingly full tonight, so…”

Leon knew how it was. It was a small town, so it was better to reserve the rooms for paying customers in case any more dropped in as the night went on, and the inn couldn’t afford paying two minstrels in coin in one night. But he didn’t mind. What’s another night sleeping under the stars?

It was going to be a full moon that night, though, and looking up to it while huddled by his campfire always made Leon’s heart ache.

So many things made his heart ache nowadays. Whenever he thought that he had finally adjusted and moved on, he would notice some tiny thing, some minute detail that brought everything back to him. While forgetting would have been easier, knew that it wasn’t something he could ever do. Perhaps he was caring to a fault, but he tried his best to draw strength from the good memories and harness the grief caused by the painful ones, turn it into tenacity.

Leon carefully slung his lute bag over his shoulder, absentmindedly feeling the faded blue-and-yellow embroidery on its shoulder strap as he did so. “It’s fine,” he assured the innkeeper and didn’t let his smile falter. “I’d still like to play, though.” He had to practice daily, anyway. Might as well do it in front of an audience and possibly earn a couple coins while at it. He could still emerge victorious.

The innkeeper returned his smile, only considerably wider. “You’ll have to speak with the man himself about that,” she replied, gesturing toward a hunched figure in front of the fireplace. “He’s about to start, so make it quick,” she added before turning toward a customer who had made their way to the bar counter.

“Right, right,” Leon sighed and looked over to where the innkeeper had pointed.

The long hair of the other minstrel was obscuring his face, but he was obviously concentrated on tuning his instrument, lithe and experienced fingers carefully turning the pegs. Leon noted that the soundboard of the lute was rather unconventionally shaped, and even its neck was longer than what he was used to seeing. How would those differences affect its sound?

The corners of his mouth quirked up in a genuine smile. Well, he’d find out soon enough.

In just a few paces he had gotten close enough to notice the fine scaling on the man’s cheeks and hands, its dark color a parallel to the polished wood of his instrument.

Ah. Maybe this was the minstrel _he_ had told Leon about.

Clearing his throat, Leon put on his best smile and began, “Greetings, fellow trav- -”

“In case you can’t see, I’m tryin’ to work here,” the other minstrel snapped. “So, if you’re gonna ask me about the scorched spots, I’m gonna kindly ask you to piss off.”

“What? No! I - -”

Leon’s words were cut off by an intense, nearly furious glare from a pair of sharp green eyes. Then the other minstrel’s gaze shifted to the side and he looked over Leon’s shoulder – at the tell-tale shape of his lute bag, Leon realized. “Oh. Sorry, my friend,” the minstrel said, his angry expression quickly softening now that he had recognized Leon as his colleague. “Greetin’s to you, too. The name’s Piers.”

Well then. It _was_ him. “I’m Leon.”

“Why don’cha have a seat.”

While Leon complied, Piers finished tuning his lute. He gave the strings a strum, listened closely and nodded in satisfaction. “Sorry ‘bout jumpin’ down your throat like that. Really,” he said and laid the instrument across his lap with a sigh. “It just feels like in every other town people keep askin’ me about ‘em. Some folk are so set to believe that they’re caused by a dragon-touched person like myself. I’m tired of explainin’ and tryin’ to convince people that I can’t do that sorta stuff with my magic.”

“It’s all right,” Leon said. “I get asked every now and then, too.” He conjured a tiny flame on the palm of his hand and extinguished it after a few seconds.

Piers smirked wryly. “Innate ability, huh? Must be nice.”

Leon made a noncommittal sound. If nothing else, it kept him warm and dry during his travels. “It comes in handy sometimes, I suppose,” he replied.

“Such as when leavin’ charred marks around the countryside?” Piers joked.

“Nothing like that,” Leon smiled. “I’m just as puzzled by them as anyone else.” Like most people, he had also seen the spots on his travels from time to time, most recently earlier that evening in the woods just beyond the outskirts of town. They were referred to as scorched spots due to the blackened appearance of the affected plant life, but Leon was certain that they were not caused by fire. When something burned, it didn’t perfectly retain its shape afterwards and then disintegrate at a single touch. The spots had an odd smell as well, nothing like the smoke of a burnt plant should have, but simultaneously repulsive and sweet.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Piers muttered, “I wonder if people will ever stop askin’ and just accept the spots as part of the world.”

“I guess people just have a natural desire to understand the world, to see everything, to uncover all of its mysteries,” Leon ventured after a moment of silence.

Piers flashed him a small smile. “Gotta admit, I’m one of those people.” He fell silent for a moment before continuing, “It’s weird, though, that no one has found out what causes ‘em. They’ve been around for years and keep poppin’ up all over the region. You’d figure someone would’ve discovered the reason by now.” He leaned back in his chair and laughed dryly. “Or maybe there’s no explanation. Maybe they really are an omen of the end of times, as some say.”

“Perhaps,” Leon replied and forced a smile upon his face. He didn’t find those rumors particularly amusing. In the brief silence that ensued, he remembered that he actually had a reason to strike up a conversation with the fellow minstrel. “What do you say, would you mind sharing the stage with me?” he asked. “I won’t get paid by the inn, and it’s fine by me, but I’m itching to play to an audience.”

“An interesting proposition.” Piers looked Leon up and down, as if evaluating him. “Which songs do you know?”

Leon crossed his arms over his chest and grinned.

He had hardly begun to list all the songs he had learnt over the past two decades by the time Piers smiled approvingly and made a silencing gesture with his hand. “A fine and wide repertoire,” Piers noted. “Good. You’re obviously experienced. I trust you can put on a good show. Any original compositions?”

The question made Leon wince, but fortunately Piers didn’t appear to notice. “There’s one I worked on for a long time but never finished, I’m afraid,” he admitted.

“Troubles with your muse?” Piers asked in a conversational tone.

Leon squirmed a bit on his seat. “…Something like that, yeah.”

“‘S fine. A true artist knows that it’s better to stick to more well-known ones when playin’ small back-water venues like this, anyway.” Piers let his gaze sweep across the room and Leon could hear an edge of sadness in his voice. “Save originals for people who actually appreciate ‘em.”

Oh, Leon had been saving it – for a certain person and no one else. And that’s why he had stopped working on it eight years ago. That’s why it would remain the way it was, eternally unfinished, nothing but hollow words and empty notes.

On that night all those years ago, sitting by the pond, dazed and confused, with nothing save the stars and the fireflies and the erratic rhythm of his own heart for company, Leon had finally figured out what the song had been missing, what it had been about all along, and what had always been right in front of him.

But the realization had come too late, and he had let it all slip through his fingers.

Because he had been too scared of the sheer enormity of the emotions in his own heart to run after _him_.

They had never seen each other again, and it was all his fault.

“Well, let’s get started, then,” Piers said abruptly and stood up, drawing Leon’s mind back to the present. A silence fell over the crowd gathered around the tables, their eyes drawn to the minstrel and his lute. Piers nodded at Leon before addressing the audience, voice full of practiced poise and intensity. “Greetin’s and salutations, one and all! Tonight and tonight only – two minstrels for the price of one!” He tossed an empty coin pouch on a nearby table. Not subtle at all. Leon found himself smiling at the arrogant display. “Let us entertain you with a song or two on this fine evenin’!”

Fortunately, Leon had tuned his own instrument before reaching the town. A few quick adjustments and he was ready to follow Piers’ lead.

They played well together, so well that an outsider would never have guessed that they had met for the first time just a few moments prior. Their singing voices rang sure and strong and harmonized nicely – Piers’ was deep and rich and a bit gravelly whereas Leon’s was soft and warm like a summer day.

After the longest and most enjoyable set Leon had played in a long while and a one-man encore Piers had wanted nothing to do with, the minstrels took their bows to a resounding round of applause.

Piers scooped up the coin pouch from the table and handed it to Leon. It was surprisingly heavy now, considering how small the venue was, and Leon tried to politely decline it. His funds were running a bit low, especially since he had recently invested in a map despite not being able to even read it properly, but he could manage.

“I got paid my share already,” Piers said and brusquely shoved the pouch back into Leon’s hands. “Take it. You deserve it.”

“Thank you,” Leon stammered just as the front door of the inn opened. His eyes were drawn to the movement. Just another patron, probably there to snatch up a room that could have been Leon’s if Piers hadn’t gotten there first. Too bad that they had just barely missed his and Piers’ performance, though.

But Piers waved a little greeting at the new arrival, so Leon turned to look at them again just in time to see that they waved back before turning away. He couldn’t make out their face, but there was something vaguely familiar about the hooded stranger. “You know them?” Leon asked.

“Yeah,” Piers replied. “At least I’m pretty sure it’s him. Met him in a different town not too far from here, around ten years ago. A friend of the arts. Recognizes a good song when he hears one. I always remember those kinds of people.” He and Leon watched as the cloaked figure sat down at a solitary corner table. “Seems like he doesn’t want to chat with me again, though,” Piers noted and shrugged, dejected. “Fair enough. I didn’t make the best first impression. Might’ve pried too much into things that weren’t really my business.”

“I see,” Leon muttered and stole another look at the corner table just as the mysterious friend of the arts momentarily took off the hood of his cloak.

And suddenly it was like the blood in his veins was frozen solid.

He had gotten almost impossibly tall and alarmingly thin, but it was _him_. It had to be.

It _had_ to be.

He heard Piers’ voice as if he was speaking from somewhere far away. “Well, I gotta get goin’. I’ve a homeward-bound cart waiting for me; I promised my little sis to visit her before the next leg of my journey.” Piers took hold of Leon’s wrist in a customary minstrels’ farewell. “Safe travels, my friend. May our paths cross again one day.”

“May that day arrive soon, my friend. Safe travels,” Leon replied, the familiar words falling from his lips reflexively. Which was good, because his mind was scarcely present in the conversation anymore. Each and every comprehensible thought had completely fled his mind.

“Let’s play together again sometime, all right?” Piers patted Leon’s shoulder before turning on his heel and making his way to the back door. “And keep workin’ on that song of yours. I wanna hear it,” he called out over his shoulder before disappearing into the dimming evening outside.

But Leon had promised the song to someone else.

And that someone…

He glanced at the corner table again. His heart was hammering in his chest, violently battering itself against his ribcage.

Had _he_ really…?

* * *

The dragon had been silent for some time.

Usually, its presence in his head was continuous, either a quiet hum in the back of his mind or a booming voice filling his entire awareness. But every now and then, there were moments like this when it was quiet and distant, and the pressure lessened. He didn’t know if it was something the dragon did voluntarily or not. He didn’t even know what it was doing during those times. Resting, perhaps. But never for long.

He was standing in an alleyway now, under a gently swaying lantern hanging above the front door of an inn. He had been woken from his dream-like state by the soft sound of music drifting from far away. It had cleared the fog away for a moment, stirred something within him, and so he had followed it to its source against his better judgment. The door of the inn had been propped slightly ajar, letting the music spill outside, and he had stopped to listen.

He looked up at the dying flicker of the lantern. His chest ached for some reason, and, on a whim, he replenished the flame with his magic. It burned brighter than it ever would have without magic and wouldn’t go out for days.

The music stopped, followed by tremendous applause. He stood still for a while longer before he finally opened the door and stepped inside. Two men, both holding some kind of instrument, were speaking by the back door. They must have been the ones making the music… Minstrels, that’s the word.

When one of the minstrels raised his hand at him, he returned the gesture without thinking. Only after he had done it did he understand that it was a greeting. Why would a minstrel want to greet him? After sitting down, he ventured another look and spotted the scaling on the man’s face. Ah, that must be the reason; the human must be thinking they were equals because a dragon-soul was merged with them both. Foolish.

Even without the dragon there to reprimand him, he knew that he had no reason to be here. Why had he even come inside? He was already drawing too much attention – both minstrels had looked his way for a long while. He had absolutely no desire, no need to mingle with humans. The only reason he had ever gotten near human settlements was to get new garments, and those he had procured without making any contact with the inhabitants themselves. Human clothes were so inconvenient. Still, he was in some way compelled to wear them, even though he always had to alter the tops to accommodate for his wings. At least there was so such problem with cloaks if he kept the tendrils folded tightly, he reckoned as he readjusted his hood.

His mind was sluggish. He stared at the grooved surface of the table and tried to put his thoughts in order. Not that it mattered. His head was in a constant state of disarray; he should have gotten used to it by now. However, it was at times like this when repressed suspicions started to arise - -

“Is that really you?”

It took him a moment to realize that the words had been directed at him. He looked up, toward the source of the voice. The speaker was the other minstrel, the one who hadn’t greeted him, the regular human with golden eyes.

And those eyes… He couldn’t look away from them. There was a familiar sort of light burning in them, like the glimmer of a distant star.

And, for the first time, something moved deep down in his chest.

_Have we met?_

When the minstrel made no reply, he realized that he hadn’t used his voice like he should have. Humans needed words that were spoken aloud. “Have we met?” he repeated, his voice hoarse with disuse.

“I… I thought… You just - - Don’t you…” The man trailed off.

He waited for the minstrel to continue. This human obviously didn’t have a way with words.

“Sorry, I’ll just…” The minstrel tapered off again and turned to leave.

He suddenly knew that he had done something wrong. The conversation was going to end before it had even started.

Why did he care?

Hastily, before his mind got too fuzzy again, he offered, “Let’s start over, shall we?”

The minstrel stopped mid-step and turned around. “…Ah. I see,” he mumbled, his shoulders dropping. “If that’s what you wish.”

It was. He couldn’t explain why, but he wanted to keep this conversation going. So he nodded.

“I’m Leon,” the golden-eyed man said quietly.

He had an inkling that he had heard the name before, but the thought was gone in a flash.

For a moment, it looked like Leon was going to say something else as well, but then the minstrel closed his mouth. And kept looking at him.

…Right. A name for a name. That’s how this exchange worked. He was supposed to tell the minstrel his name. Humans and their absurd customs, assuming they were entitled to another’s name just because they had divulged theirs first…

His name. His name…

“I’m…” he began and paused right away.

Vessel?

…No.

There used to be a different name…

He looked into Leon’s eyes, and it was almost as if a long-forgotten ember inside him was stoked and rekindled. “I’m Raihan.”

Suddenly, the dragon’s presence was back in his head. **_What is Our vessel doing?_**

That’s a good question. “I should get going,” Raihan muttered and rose to his feet.

“Wait!” the minstrel exclaimed. “I… Where are you headed?”

“…Nowhere in particular.”

Leon didn’t speak for a while. Then, squaring his shoulders, he said, “Perfect. Can I come with?”

**_No._ **

“N- - I mean…” Raihan hesitated. Why did he hesitate? “If you want to.”

Why did he say that?

The minstrel lowered his gaze and the corners of his mouth quirked up ever so slightly. It must have been what humans called a smile. “Shall we go, then?” Leon asked, directing his words only vaguely at Raihan, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

The dragon looked at Leon through Raihan’s eyes but didn’t say anything. It made Raihan conclude that this human wasn’t a threat. None of them were. They were too weak, too insignificant to be more than a minor nuisance. What could a single human possibly do to derail his destiny?

He met Leon’s eyes and nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~next time: ~~that’s not good, is it?~~ Journey~


	13. Journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to update sooner but i was having a stupid amount of trouble with this chapter........ and then the dlc came out......... and i played for approx eight hours in one sitting........ and i was like man, i just love pokemon, i should get back to writing and finish that goddamn chapter. so here it is

_Maybe writing things down will help me make sense of everything._

_You must have really hated me after what I did. I was certain of that. So, I was surprised you let me come along._

_Maybe this doesn’t do any good for either of us. Maybe I was an idiot to initiate it._

_But…_

_That night, you looked utterly devastated, heartbroken. I had never seen you cry before. I think that seeing you so hurt broke my heart beyond repair as well._

_Do you know what my greatest regret is?_

_I let you leave._

_I let you leave, and you never came back._

_I waited for you, you know. At our usual spot by the pond, every day. But you never came. I asked around, but no one had a clue as to where you had gone. You had disappeared, completely._

_You had left your old life behind and started anew somewhere else._

_And it was all my fault._

_I think it was winter when I finally stopped looking and going back to the pond, but I kept waiting. For years. Hoping. Three words, eight letters I had realized too late burning on my tongue, in my heart._

_They still burn._

_But you don’t feel that way anymore, do you? You’ve moved on._

_I’ve tried to, as well. To little success._

_“Let’s start over,” huh? I wonder if I am even remotely able to start off completely fresh when it comes to you._

_But I’ll try._

_Because that’s what you want. Because we made a promise and I’m not going to break it._

* * *

Oats, hot water and a pinch of salt, mixed together and topped with dried berries.

That’s what was in the wooden bowl he was currently holding in his hand.

Porridge. The word popped up in Raihan’s awareness. That’s what it was called.

He put another spoonful of the stuff in his mouth.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Leon’s golden gaze fixed on him.

They had been travelling together for a couple of days now. While he wasn’t used to measuring time in such arbitrarily short units as days, perhaps in this case, with Leon establishing and maintaining a certain kind of steady rhythm, it was the one that made the most sense.

One of the defining features of the rhythm in question was the meals Leon insisted on sharing with him, three or four times a day. He had no need for such things, and he should have refused. But when Leon had shoved a bowlful of whatever he had cooked over the campfire into his hands on the first night of their journey, he had found that he couldn’t turn the minstrel’s offer down. He wanted to humor Leon, for some reason.

And so, he ate. Three or four times a day. Such folly.

Still, he was distantly aware that there was supposed to be something more to food than just this, mechanical chewing and swallowing and the small increase in his energy reserves that came after.

“Rair- - Raihan,” Leon said and interrupted his thoughts. The minstrel was bouncing his leg as he spoke. “Have you Ascended?”

‘Ascended’? It took Raihan a moment to connect the word with the right concept. He had magic and he could use it thanks to the dragon. That’s what the word meant. It was such a human way of looking at it; making it seem like his draconic part was some separate thing.

“Yeah,” he replied at length.

Leon sat perfectly motionless now. After some time, he shook his head as if deciding against something and kept eating. Raihan picked his spoon back up as well.

When Leon spoke up again, the question fell from his lips slowly. “Could you show me your magic?”

Raihan stilled, his spoon halfway to his mouth. Somehow, he knew that there was… something there, hidden in the minstrel’s words. As he looked straight in Leon’s eyes, he could almost grasp it, understand the implication, but then the moment passed.

It was an odd request. As if there was something extraordinary about magic.

Still, he found himself nodding and setting his bowl aside. He had been gifted with many magics, but he deemed that elemental magic would be the easiest one to show off.

With a flick of his first, a flame sprouted on the palm of his hand. He rotated his hand, let the flame run across the backs of his fingers and lick the tips of his claws, fed it more energy to make it grow slightly larger.

He stopped.

Now what?

Wasn’t he supposed to make it even bigger, to use it to burn everything to the ground?

No, that wasn’t something he wanted to do.

…Was it?

His head was swimming.

**_Enough._ **

The last thing he saw before his vision faded to black was a single tear rolling down Leon’s cheek.

When he came to, he was lying on his back and Leon was kneeling right next to him.

“Thank the stars.” Leon’s voice was shaky. “You’ve been unconscious for hours. Are you all right?”

He had no answer to that question. As he sat upright, Leon glanced behind him, at the imprint he had left on the grass, and flinched. Raihan rotated his head to peer over his shoulder. Corrosion, again. His wings were outstretched too, poking out from underneath his cloak, so he slowly folded them to his back. He noticed that Leon stared at them as well.

“The stories my mother used to tell me… None of them were like this.”

Raihan realized the voice had been his only a few moments after the words had left his mouth. His chest stung for a fraction of a second. Mother… The word sounded peculiarly hollow in his ears. As if it was supposed to evoke… something more. He wondered what she looked like – who she even was – but nothing came to mind.

Leon was speaking to him again. He tried to concentrate on the words.

“I… How are you feeling? Is there anything I can do?”

‘Feeling’? There’s a word he hadn’t heard in a while. Years, even. An eternity. He barely knew what it meant. Maybe that was the probl- -

**_There is nothing wrong._ **

Raihan blinked a few times. What had been thinking about just now? Leon was looking at him intently. Had he asked him something? “Nothing’s wrong,” Raihan repeated.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Why would there be anything wrong?

“Well, I’m pretty sure this…” Leon shifted his gaze back to the corroded grass behind Raihan and drew an uneven breath. “This… There’s something weird about this. It isn’t normal. You said so yourself.”

“Did I?”

Leon’s eyes widened. He worried his lower lip and didn’t reply. “I think we should go visit Sonia.”

Raihan didn’t know what Leon was referring to, so he waited for him to continue. Instead, Leon stayed silent as he studied Raihan’s face with his brows creased. His gaze was so intense that Raihan had to turn to look elsewhere. It was like the minstrel’s eyes were burning a hole through him.

“We should visit her,” Leon reiterated, mostly to himself, after a long silence. “Maybe she knows what’s going on.”

* * *

_Eight years is an eternity._

_Still, after all these years, I knew you. And I thought I also saw a glint of recognition in your eyes that day in the inn, but perhaps it was something else._

_Something is wrong, so very wrong. I don’t know what, exactly, but I can feel it. And I don’t know how to deal with it, what to say._

_I never knew what to say, did I? Not then, and certainly not now._

_At first, I thought you wanted to make a fresh start, without the emotional baggage of the past. But maybe that wasn’t what you meant after all._

_Could it be that you don’t actually remember me? I can’t say for sure, but…_

_Why? What could have caused it? The spirit?_

_Or did_ you _force yourself to forget?_

_How should one even approach such a subject?_

_And what if I’m, somehow, completely mistaken in my assumptions?_

_Why am I such a coward?_

* * *

He had agreed to Leon’s plan to go visit his friend. He didn’t know why he had said yes.

Leon was fast asleep now, had been for a while. Raihan listened to his shallow breathing next to him and tried to gather his wayward thoughts.

Things had been so… different since the minstrel had showed up a few days ago. Just a bit brighter, not as hazy. Then there were also those strange moments, flashes, when it was as if everything came to a sudden halt. During those moments, he was distinctly aware of the vague, elusive sensations in his chest. It was almost like there was something growing inside him, burning, blooming, flowing. He didn’t know what to think of it.

Leon’s left hand was resting on the bedding between them, palm facing upward, as if reaching out to something or waiting for something to be placed there. Perhaps both.

Raihan stared at it.

He almost set his own hand upon it.

Almost.

When he opened his eyes, the sun was beginning to set again.

He wasn’t at the campsite. A whisper in the back of his mind told him that he should go elsewhere.

He ignored it. He didn’t comprehend why he did so, but he ignored it.

Leon was sitting by the campfire with his eyes closed and his instrument on his lap. He wasn’t playing, but his fingers were resting on the strings. Maybe he had been playing just moments prior.

Maybe that’s how he had found his way back.

Leon must have heard his approach, for he abruptly lifted his gaze toward him and set the instrument aside. “Raihan!” he gasped and rose to his feet. “I was so worried! Where were you? I thought you had…” Leon’s voice faltered and he let his words taper off.

The misty look in Leon’s red-rimmed eyes made Raihan shudder. He turned his back to the minstrel. Now, where had he put his cloak the night before?

“You’re injured!” Leon exclaimed.

“Oh?” Raihan reached a hand over his shoulder. It came back bloodied. “Seems like I am.” There was dried blood caked under his claws.

“How can you be so calm?!”

He couldn’t understand the cause of Leon’s apparent agitation. “This happens from time to time,” he said. “It’s nothing.”

“‘ _Nothing_ ’?!” Leon echoed.

“Yes, they’ll - -”

“There’s no way I’m going to leave wounds like this untreated!” Leon huffed and patted his cheeks. Raihan didn’t comprehend the relevance of the action. Humans were so weird.

“Leon…” he began, but before he could explain that his magic would regenerate his flesh soon enough, the minstrel had already disappeared into the tent.

Before long, Leon came back with a waterskin, some rags and the pot he used for cooking filled with steaming water. “Sit down,” he ordered.

Raihan complied.

Leon dipped a piece of cloth in the hot water and cleaned the wounds with it. His hands were gentle, his movements delicate, and Raihan couldn’t fathom why he was being so careful. For just a moment, the feather-light touch of cloth next to his spine induced him to think of tiny ripples on the surface of chilly, shallow water, but the vision flitted away from his mind before he even fully realized it.

“Just a moment,” Leon breathed and stepped away to rummage through his belongings again. He came back with a glass flask half-full of creamy liquid. “Okay, try to stay still,” he said as he poured some of its contents on a clean rag. “This liniment is pretty strong, so it’s going to sting.”

It didn’t. Nothing did, ever. That’s how things had always been for Raihan.

So why was Leon was eyeing him like that, shoulders tense, hands starting to tremble?

Yet another faint trace of something flickered on the edges of his awareness, but only for a brief moment.

* * *

_Something’s terribly wrong._

_But there’s nothing I can do, is there?_

_I’m so pathetic._

_I don’t want you to remember me if it causes you pain._

_No, that’s a lie. I’m selfish. I want you to remember me. I want you to…_

_I want to believe that there’s still room for me in your heart._

_And even if there isn’t, anything would be better than this indifference._

_Your face is so hard to read now. Blank, devoid of any emotion._

_I miss your smile._

_I miss you._

_Because I still_

A teardrop fell on the page and smeared the ink of the word he had been writing. Leon sighed, let go of his pen, wiped at his eyes and crumbled the paper. Useless, useless, _useless_.

* * *

His mind was drawn back to the present by the sound of Leon lifting the tent flap and stepping outside. He watched as the minstrel made his way to the fire pit and touched the pile of wood he had placed there earlier. It smoked for a moment and then burst into flames.

Ah. Leon knew magic, too. He hadn’t realized it before. That would at least partially explain the unusual aura about the minstrel. Now that he was aware of it, he could tell that Leon’s magic was strong. For a human, that is.

Heaving a deep sigh, Leon threw something into the flames. Whatever it was, it didn’t have a discernable effect on the properties of the fire. How absurd, how pointless.

He looked at Leon, but the minstrel averted his gaze and sat down on the opposite side of the fire.

Silence settled over them.

“I… I’ve been trying to write something,” Leon said, unprompted. “But I couldn’t finish it.” He glanced at Raihan, quickly drew his eyes away again and muttered, “It wasn’t anything important, anyway.”

The words seemingly didn’t call for a reply, so Raihan didn’t say anything.

After another moment of stillness, Leon prepared the ingredients for their supper, placed them in a small pot and set it over the fire to cook. Then he slowly pulled out his instrument from the bag he almost always had slung over his shoulder and began plucking the strings. There was something familiar about the song he played, but Raihan was almost certain he hadn’t heard it when he had been standing in the alleyway outside the inn.

“The thing you were writing… Was it going to be a song?” he eventually asked. That’s what minstrels did, right? Wrote songs?

…Why did he know that? He had never had any interest in human pastimes.

Leon stayed silent and looked off into the distance. He kept playing but the melody began to sound different, more forlorn. “Maybe it should be,” he finally replied, so quietly that his voice was barely audible over the crackle of the burning firewood. “Sometimes it’s easier to process and convey things through song. Finding the right words is difficult.”

* * *

“Let’s stop for the night,” he heard Leon whisper at the clouds forming on the horizon. “We should be able to reach the city by noon tomorrow.”

They set up camp, they ate, they lay down to rest in the tent.

He didn’t need sleep, not in the way humans did. Still, Raihan had started to follow Leon’s circadian rhythm over the past few days, almost unconsciously. And Leon laid down extra makeshift bedding for him every night, so he might as well lie down and sink into his usual half-awake state to pass the time.

He had to lie on his side because of his wings. Leon was lying on his back next to him and watching him, like he had done every night since he had tagged along. Why? Humans weren’t even capable of seeing in the dark, were they? Probably not, considering the unfocused look in Leon’s eyes. But still he kept looking Raihan’s way, and Raihan looked right back.

And, once again, everything was just a bit brighter, not as hazy.

And when Leon turned on his side and inched closer to him, nearly touching, he let it happen. And even after Leon’s forehead was pressed against his chest, he stayed still.

Leon was so warm next to him, so alive. Something about it was… familiar. He wasn’t sure why. His head got fuzzy when he tried to think about it.

Too many questions. He should relearn to let go of them.

He fell asleep to a peculiar burning in his chest and dreams dancing just out of his reach.

* * *

Leon knew he was acting stupidly.

He had yearned to feel Raihan’s gentle touches and fierce embraces again for so long, to gingerly trace every sharp line of Raihan’s body, to hear the quickening beating of Raihan’s heart and let it fill the gaping hole in his own.

He couldn’t see Raihan, not really – only his vague outline, a spot of deeper darkness in the night – but just knowing that he was there, feeling his presence… It was suddenly too much and too little at the same time. So, he let his craving get the better of him, gave in to a longing he had carried inside for years and sought that familiar closeness.

It was hardly appropriate, but he didn’t care. He was desperate and torn and broken-hearted and out of his mind and a complete and utter fool, and Raihan, his beloved Rairai, had come back and was _right there_ \- -

But he knew that he was deceiving himself. The man lying perfectly still next to him wasn’t the same person he had known, the one who had filled his world with adventure and wonder and his heart with song and light. Back then, Raihan had been brimming with life and energy, with playful laughter easily falling from his lips. An encouraging and steadying presence. Passionate about the little things in life, fueled by curiosity, tirelessly eager to learn more about the world. Easily excitable, always ready with a smile, but at times also thoughtful and withdrawn like his mother. Competitive and teasing yet kind and a bit awkward at the same time. A reckless idiot in the most endearing of ways. Ever-present, if not by Leon’s side then in his heart.

His moon.

He knew that Raihan wasn’t the same anymore; or, maybe it would be more accurate to say that he simultaneously was and wasn’t. Because he was still unquestionably Raihan, just… different. It was like he had completely walled off the world and didn’t let it, or anything, touch his heart anymore. He had had the tendency to keep his vulnerable side hidden, but never to such extremes.

Leon knew that something had, perhaps irreversibly, changed. He knew. But he wanted to play pretend, act as if nothing was wrong, as if Raihan hadn’t forgotten about him and pushed him away, even just for tonight.

But he couldn’t. He wasn’t that good at faking it. Not when Raihan’s body felt so cold next to him. It hadn’t used to be this cold, all those years ago.

He longed to gather Raihan in his arms, to warm him up, but didn’t dare to. He kept his hands to himself even though his soul was crying out to him to do it.

And now, as he pressed his forehead against Raihan’s chest in a fit of desperation, Leon only felt a distant, faint, irregular pulse, the pause between each beat horrifically long.

What in the world had happened?

He slept terribly, with excruciating worry gnawing at his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~this chapter was perhaps the hardest one to write bc raihan is completely out of it and thus more of a passive observer whilst leon is being… LIKE THAT and i just. wanted to punch them both lmaoo get a grip you absolute idiots (especially leon. the situation is kinda out of raihan’s control rn)~~   
>  ~~but also like. this is my fic. i’m the one writing this. i’m the one who decided that they’re stupid and that they’re (read: leon’s) gonna be stupid about the current situation. i guess i should be punching myself instead~~
> 
> anyway
> 
> ~next time: ~~more answers? maybe?~~ Legend~


	14. Legend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gearing up for the finale woop woop

It was half intense, conscious effort and half sheer, dumb luck that Leon had managed to lead them to Sonia’s without too much trouble. Fortunately, he had a map and she still lived in the same house, otherwise he probably wouldn’t have succeeded. It was way later in the day than he had estimated, but hey, at least they got there.

It had been a while since he had been there last, he mused. It had been too long.

There was always the risk that no one would be home. Around this time of year, Sonia always traveled to the coast and wouldn’t come back until autumn, and Magnolia, even at her age, still went on extensive research trips all over the region.

Leon opened the front gate. “We’re here,” he told Raihan but got no reply, not even any reaction.

He hated it.

He hated how unresponsive and impassive Raihan was.

He hated it, and hating it made him feel awful.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat, steeled himself and knocked on the door.

To his great relief, he soon heard the soft fall of footsteps coming down the hall. The door opened a crack and Sonia peeked out. “Oh, hi, Lee!” She flung the door wide open. “I didn’t know you were coming - -”

“Hi! Good, you’re still here,” Leon interjected. “Is Gran home?”

Sonia was staring at Raihan with a puzzled look on her face. “She’s… not…”

“How about you go ahead to the kitchen,” Leon said, directing his words at Raihan’s general direction. It was better to discuss some things in private with Sonia first. Once Raihan was out of earshot, he began, “Sorry to barge here unannounced like this, but I didn’t know who else to turn to.”

Sonia had followed Raihan with her gaze, eyes wide with disbelief. “Isn’t that…”

“Shush!”

“It _is_ him!” She turned around and grabbed Leon by his upper arms, stealing frantic glances over her shoulder while she spoke. “I didn’t recognize him at first! Is he all right? He looks so thin! As if he wasn’t lanky enough to begin with…” She gave Leon a little shake. “By the stars, Lee, you didn’t tell me Rai had come back!”

“Sonia, please, be quiet,” Leon all but begged. “I ran into him by chance less than a week ago. He doesn’t remember me.”

Sonia’s hands fell away. “What?”

“At first, based on what he said, I thought he just wanted to start over, to leave the past behind, but it seems he has actually forgotten all about me…” Leon gave a small scoff. “Then again, it’s been eight years. Can’t really expect it of him, can you?”

“You should tell him.”

Leon sighed. Sonia knew him – and his aversion to difficult discussions – too well. “Look. I tried, but I can’t. What if… What if there’s a good reason for him wanting to forget me?” The ‘what if’ wasn’t really needed here, but Sonia didn’t know what had happened eight years ago. Leon had been too ashamed to tell her. And Raihan had recognized Piers and mentioned his mother, after all, so he added, “He seems to remember other things from his past…”

“You know, that makes very little sense, having selective amnesia like that,” Sonia countered. “Do you even know the scope of what he has forgotten?”

Leon hesitated. “I…”

Sonia crossed her arms with a huff. “You two practically grew up together. He was your best friend, and you were his. You two were inseparable! There’s no way he just _decided_ to forget that and nothing else. And he didn’t seem to recognize me, either, so you’re obviously not the only thing he has forgotten.”

Leon lowered his eyes and bit his lower lip. He had been so selfishly caught up in his own feelings of rejection – as well as his worry over Raihan’s uncharacteristically overt withdrawnness – to even consider such a possibility. But it made sense.

“He must have Ascended, right? Maybe it’s related to that. The spirit, I mean,” Sonia offered when Leon gave no reply. “The price of magic, remember? Do you know what he gave up in exchange?”

“I don’t know,” Leon admitted. While that possibility had crossed his mind… “But still, what if - -”

Sonia quickly cut him off with an impatient wave of her hand. “You should tell him,” she reiterated, more emphatically this time.

“I… I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Yet you still travel with him.”

There was a strong unspoken implication in her words. Leon didn’t reply. They both knew how it was, how it always had been. It had been laughably obvious, in retrospect.

Now it was Sonia’s turn to sigh. “You’re tormenting yourself. I don’t know why you feel guilty for him disappearing but punishing yourself like this will not mend things between you two.” Her tone was gentle although her words did not feel that way to Leon. “I can’t tell you how to live your life. But I can tell you that you’re acting in a very nonconstructive manner.”

Leon wrung his hands in poorly concealed anguish and couldn’t bring himself to meet her eyes. “It’s… It’s complicated.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is,” Sonia snorted. Now the tone of her voice was the one she used whenever she thought that Leon was being exceptionally stupid. Usually, she was right. “But you can’t be certain of his feelings, or anything for that matter, if you don’t talk to him.”

Leon drew a deep breath. Could he be able to face all his guilt and shame, let them go? “I’ll try.”

Sonia gave him an encouraging smile. “Good. Whenever you’re ready.”

“But his memory loss isn’t the only reason we’re here…”

* * *

He stood in the kitchen for an indeterminate amount of time before he took a seat by the sturdy wooden table. His restless gaze was sweeping the walls, the tightly packed bookshelves and the empty fireplace. His fingers were tugging at the tattered hem of his cloak.

Something about this house made him scarcely able to sit still.

If he hadn’t known better, he would have thought that this wasn’t his first time here.

He shouldn’t be here.

“Hello, Raihan.”

He turned to the direction of the voice. The speaker was the woman who had opened the door. She and Leon had appeared in the kitchen.

“I’m Sonia,” the woman continued and sat down across from him. “Do you remember me? We’ve met before.”

“We have?” Raihan glanced at Leon. “How about - -?”

“Yes. You and I have met, when we were younger,” the woman – Sonia – said and drew his attention back to herself. “My grandmother and I were looking into draconic legends even back then, and you came to me to seek answers about the awakening of the spirit inside you. Do you remember?”

The look Sonia was giving him made something lurch in his chest. “Maybe…” He faltered and shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

“Okay.” Sonia gestured at Leon who handed her a pen, an inkwell and some paper from a nearby shelf. “Do you remember the day of the awakening and what you gave to the spirit?” she asked and dipped her pen in the ink.

Leon sat down at the table as well. Raihan’s eyes were drawn to him again for some reason.

The day of…

“I… don’t,” he finally responded to Sonia. He wasn’t sure if he even understood the question. He wasn’t sure why he was answering it in the first place. He had been using his voice too much lately. Using his voice was so bothersome.

Sonia’s eyes never left his face and her pen flew across the page as she kept talking. “Can you tell me what you remember about the time before it?”

The time before _what_?

Suddenly, there was… something… Raihan tried to focus, but it was like grasping at fraying threads, his thoughts vanishing before he could even put them into words. “There’s… nothing. It’s always been like this,” he said. His head had begun to throb. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t given anything away.”

Sonia and Leon exchanged glances. Was he wrong, after all? Sonia had insisted that they had met before, so perhaps…

But there’s no way that was true. It couldn’t be. Humans were insignificant to him. They were… They were…

What were they?

“Raihan. Leon told me that you’re having strange symptoms. Can you tell me about those?”

He looked away from her intense eyes. “I… I don’t understand.”

He only half-listened when Leon told Sonia about his “blackout” and the “scorched spot” and his “disappearance” and his “injuries” and his “lack of reaction to anything” and how he “doesn’t talk unless spoken to and sometimes not even then” and he comprehended absolutely nothing.

There was nothing wrong. This was how things were supposed to be. How they should be. How they always had been.

…Right?

Sonia tapped her fingers against the table. “And the scorched spots, huh…? Not the mystery I was expecting to find the answer to, but I’ll take it. Nonetheless,” she said and turned back to him, “Your symptoms are extremely peculiar, unlike anything I’ve read or heard about before. Even the stories that describe curses… They’re nothing like this. The hosts either just slowly waste away or go mad with power, but… Maybe those times when you’re unconscious are moments of full possession or attempts at it?”

Nothing in Sonia’s trail of thought made any sense to him. But he surmised that he recognized the look in her eyes. It was just like Leon’s had been many times on their journey, full of… What’s the word? Compassion? Worry?

“You can communicate with the spirit using your thoughts, right?” Sonia asked. “Does it want to talk to you right now? Can you contact it?”

He didn’t know why he abided by her request, but he tried to touch the dragon with his mind. He found nothing. “It’s… not present.”

Or was it? It was hard to tell.

Sonia gave a nod at that, mumbling something about it not being unusual and resting periods and lesser spirits not being talkative, but he found it odd. The dragon had used to be _there_ almost constantly, but it had been silent more often and for longer periods of time lately. When exactly had that started happening?

Tentatively, Raihan continued, “But I’ve tried to ask what it’s planning.” He paused. “At least I think I have. But… Sometimes it seems like…” His doubts were resurfacing. The incessant throbbing in his head was slowly spreading, crawling its way behind his eyes and down his spine. “It’s as if it doesn’t want me to know some things.”

Why was he telling her this, let alone thinking of such things? Too many doubts. Too many questions. The human was asking too many questions. He was doubting too much. He ought to stop talking, bind his tongue.

Sonia was biting her thumbnail. “That’s… concerning. That also means asking the spirit directly is probably out of the question. We have to try to find the answers ourselves.” Her brows furrowed. “Do you know what its name is? Hosts usually become aware of the name during the awakening.”

Stop talking. “Yeah, I do. But it can’t be pronounced in the human tongue.” And even if it could be, the dragon probably didn’t want humans knowing of it. Yes, he ought to seal his lips.

“Okay,” Sonia nodded. “Now, tell me if any of these sounds familiar.” She then proceeded to recite a list of over forty names one by one. Raihan didn’t recognize any of them.

Sonia was quiet for a moment. “It has to be one of the ones whose name we’re yet to identify, then. Or perhaps…” She rose from the table and retrieved a few more sheets of paper from a nearby shelf. “Back then, you told me about the mountain temple near your home village. The altar there has a sigil that matches your mark.” She slid a piece of paper across the table. “Here’s the copy of a mural I found during my travels a couple of years ago. This is older than any other legend I’ve studied. Ancient. It’s native to this region and a mountain is mentioned in it.”

Raihan picked up the page. It had several rows of text and a drawing under them. He stared at the image and the being depicted in it; the skeletal features and numerous pointy appendices of the serpentine silhouette, gigantic compared to the two vaguely human-shaped figures under it.

Sonia kept talking. “I’ve verified that a few other, previously indecipherable sources allude to this very deity as well – the long-lost and newly rediscovered sixtieth dragon, the twelfth Legendary One. I believe it’s called Eternatus.”

 _Eternatus_. Ah. So that’s its pronunciation in the human tongue, then?

Suddenly, the dragon’s voice rumbled in his mind. **_Inaccurate._**

Well then. Had it been observing the goings-on all this time, after all, or just now returned?

 _So, it_ is _you._ _How about this picture?_ He knew it was using his eyes and could see the drawing. _Is it accurate?_

**_We have no physical form._ **

_But you used to have one, right? During the Era of Dragons?_

A beat of silence. **_And We shall have one once again._**

Raihan nodded to himself. “What does…” He shuddered and his words nearly got stuck in his throat. He forced himself to go on, to not let his voice go unheard. “What does the text say?” he asked Sonia. He hadn’t recognized the language. Even though he could read the script, most of the words were unfamiliar.

**_Nothing Our vessel needs to know._ **

_Shut up already._

The dragon was stunned into silence, as was Raihan himself.

“I’ve made a translation,” Sonia said and picked up the next sheet of paper in the stack. “But I don’t know how accurate it is. Parts of the mural were badly damaged. It’s also written not only in a very early variant of the written language of the region but also in meter, which made it even harder to decipher. There are also words that don’t have an equivalent in our current language, and I’m sure my literal translations don’t capture the full meaning they used to have…” She trailed off, cleared her throat and began reading aloud from the paper. “‘A flaming star had fallen from the heavens, dropped from the skies above, and from it had risen a snake of bone-and-might; and a dark cloud came, a pillar-fountain of light on the mountain…’ Then there were several lines that were too damaged to read. But after those lines, it goes, ‘And the hero put down the shield, laid down the barrier and welcomed it; it mended the broken with its spell, broke what once was whole; an abyss inside replaced the sealed, devoured the self-soul, in all its entirety; and the heart-less hero grew in might and weakness…’ More illegible lines… ‘And the hero struck with the sword of memories and cursed it, imprisoned and confined it inside the shell of origin; and an emptiness vanquished-but-not-killed slumbers on the mountain, awaiting a new day.’”

Raihan shifted a bit on his seat. Something in the words struck a chord with him - -

**_It is as We said. Naught but empty words._ **

That’s tru- - Wait. Did the dragon just sound… contemplative?

A slight shiver emanated from his chest and ran through his entire body, and then the dragon was gone from his head again, as quickly as it had appeared.

He set the untranslated copy back on the table. The dragon was right. The legend hadn’t shed any light on his situation.

And did it really matter? Why did he care?

“Well?” Sonia urged.

He blinked a few times. “Huh?”

“Did that ring any bells? Evoke anything in you?”

“It didn’t.”

Sonia quirked an eyebrow at him. “Nothing at all?”

“No,” he assured. “It’s completely unrelated to me and the dragon.”

“I was so sure about this… There aren’t many mountains around here, so I thought…” Sonia mumbled and chewed the end of her pen. “Maybe the word for ‘mountain’ also referred to hills back then… Ugh, now I have to cross-reference all of my translations to make sure…”

She kept asking him questions and jotting notes down.

While Leon had been silent for most of the time, Raihan could tell that the minstrel was watching him intently.

* * *

While Sonia focused on questioning Raihan, Leon picked up the sheet of paper with the copy of the mural and studied the drawing Sonia had made.

When he realized what he was looking at, his mouth went dry and his hands began to shake.

He snatched Sonia’s translation as well, reread every line of it several times, trying his best to memorize it all whilst keeping a close eye on Raihan.

He finally knew what to do. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

Soon after Sonia’s barrage of questions dwindled and stopped, Raihan abruptly rose from the table. Leon flinched but quickly followed his example. “Thanks, Sonia. I owe you one,” he said. “But I think we should go.”

“Are you sure?” Sonia asked and trailed after them to the front door. “It’s getting late. You can stay the night here.”

Raihan pushed the door open and stepped outside. Leon stopped by the open door and turned to Sonia. “We’re leaving suddenly, I know, but - -” His words died on his lips as he looked outside and saw that Raihan had nearly reached the main road already. Just as he was drawing breath to call out after him, Raihan suddenly halted and glanced over his shoulder.

Their eyes met.

For one terrifying moment of clarity, Leon was sure that Raihan would keep going, leave him behind. Leave _him_ , again.

But the moment passed, and Raihan went to the stone wall surrounding the garden and leaned on it with his back to the house.

With his heart still racing, Leon faced Sonia again. “I believe you’re on to something with the legend you showed us,” he explained. “He has… wings now, if you can call them those. He usually keeps them folded close to his back, so his cloak hides them surprisingly well, but… They’re like the tendrils the dragon in the picture has.”

Sonia let out an astonished gasp.

“That’s why we have to go to the mountain, to search for more clues,” Leon continued. Upon noticing the deep concern in Sonia’s eyes, he hastily added, “Don’t worry about me. With the legend, I have a lead, and all that’s left is to see where it’ll… well, lead me. And the sooner we get there, the sooner we’ll get answers. Maybe we’ll find a way to persuade the spirit to stop tormenting Raihan like this. Back then, you said that even the most malevolent spirits can be reasoned with, right?”

Sonia crossed her arms tightly and mumbled, “I hope this one is inclined to listen. We don’t really know anything about it. And it’s weird that it allows its host to be in such a disoriented state all the time.” She took a deep inhale and let it back out slowly. “But Rai doesn’t remember the awakening, so I think it’s safe to say that the spirit took something from him that caused him to forget. What exactly it took or how it all happened is still a mystery. Unless…” She looked straight into Leon’s eyes and held his gaze. “He kept glancing at you whenever I asked him about the awakening. What exactly happened eight years ago, on the day he disappeared?”

“I… He…” Leon stammered. He could feel himself wilting under Sonia’s intense stare. How on earth had he been able to keep quiet all these years when she had such piercing eyes? “We… He just… It was my first… I mean… He kissed me.”

“Oh, wow,” Sonia breathed and smiled a little. “Go, Rairai.”

“But I got nervous and… I pushed him away. And then he… He was so… He left,” Leon concluded abruptly. It had been too much too fast, or at least that’s what Leon had told himself. The memory was a confusing, heart-wrenching mixture of perfect bliss and devastating guilt he couldn’t stop dwelling on even though he probably should. “Why’s this relevant right now?” he demanded, flustered.

His question rendered Sonia speechless for a moment. “He… Rai didn’t tell you about my theory?”

“Your theory of what?”

“Well, maybe I should call it a fact at this point, since there’s a wealth of evidence to back it up,” Sonia remarked. “Anyway. The gist of it is that awakenings are caused by a strong emotional response. It seems like spirits can initiate first contact when their host is in a vulnerable mental state of sorts.”

Leon stared at her, dumbfounded. And then, in an instant, he was able to connect the dots. “You mean that on that night… That’s when…?”

Sonia gave him a somber nod.

The realization hit Leon like punch to the gut. Not only Raihan’s disappearance but also his current state – because it surely was caused by the spirit – had been his fault. If he had thought that he couldn’t feel any more guilty over what had happened, he had been gravely mistaken. All those years ago, Raihan had told him that he had a bad feeling about the dragon; he should have taken his concerns even more seriously, look into things more thoroughly, _try_ more, maybe then he could have prevented all of this - -

“Lee, _calm down_ ,” Sonia pleaded and took hold of his wrist. “Even if you had known, the awakening would’ve still happened sooner or later. Not to mention that what triggers it is, ultimately, irrelevant. What really matters is what the spirit takes away and how it affects its host. And if the one residing in Rai really is Eternatus… Well, we knew nothing about it back then, so our hands were tied. And we still don’t know enough to draw any solid conclusions.”

Leon took a few shaky breaths. Sonia was right. And she had always been able to keep her cool, think things through rationally and take charge. Leon admired that about her. That, along with her knowledge of spirits, was why he had sought her help.

“He’s still Raihan,” she continued. “I know he is, and you know it as well. I don’t think his memory is entirely gone. That’s why you have to tell him everything. Try to get through to him. That should be the first thing you attempt. Maybe that way you can make him recall the awakening and everything else as well, and then you’ll have a lot more information to go by when you go looking for a solution. And then everything’s gonna turn out all right.”

“I hope so,” Leon replied quietly. He turned to look at Raihan again, just to make sure that he was still there. And he was, hunched over the wall, illuminated by the last rays of the setting sun and casting a long shadow behind him, and suddenly Leon felt like crying. He tore his gaze away.

Sonia had been silent for a while. “I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be of more help. I’d like to come along, but…” She gestured at the travel trunk in the entryway. “I really hate to leave you alone with this, but I’m supposed to leave first thing in the morning. Arranging a ride all the way to the coast is always such a hassle, so…”

“It’s all right,” Leon assured her. “I understand. Say hi to Nessa for me.”

Sonia nodded and wrapped her arms around Leon. He returned the embrace. It was so easy to do, so simple, and it made his heart ache.

“Please take care of yourself, Lee,” Sonia said. “And Rai, too.”

“I will,” Leon whispered. He wanted nothing more than to keep that promise.

* * *

Leon reminded him of the sun.

Raihan didn’t know where the thought had come from, but it made sense, in a way.

He had stopped to stare at the sun slowly dipping behind the horizon and the mountain looming in the distance, far beyond the rooftops of the city. For some reason, there was something about the minstrel that was so familiar yet unreachable – as if there was an inexplicable distance between the two of them, not only physically but also in some other way he couldn’t quite put into words.

**_There is no need for Our vessel to bother himself with such fancies. There are more important matters to consider. Do not stop now._ **

He straightened his back and took a few steps away from the wall he had been leaning on.

“Raihan, I’ve an idea where we should go next.”

He snapped out of his thoughts. When had Leon sneaked up on him? “Oh? I’ve got one, too,” he said and began walking down the road. He heard Leon follow right after him.

“…You do?” Leon asked. “All of a sudden?”

“Mm. I just… I think there’s somewhere I need to be.” He lifted his eyes back to the horizon. Yes, he needed to be somewhere, and he knew how to get there. He was almost certain he had experienced this peculiar, powerful pull before. It was beckoning him, leading him to - -

“Where?”

Leon’s voice pierced through the fog and drew him back to the physical realm again, to the feeble body he was still bound to. “The mountain,” he replied simply.

The footsteps behind him abruptly stopped. He turned around to find that Leon had stopped in his tracks half a dozen paces behind him. He had no idea what the wide-eyed expression on the minstrel’s face meant.

**_For what reason did you stop?_ **

A moment of silence ensued.

“Will you come along?” Raihan eventually asked.

Leon opened his mouth only to close it again a few seconds later. Instead, he responded with a nod.

Without another word, Raihan continued on his way, and Leon matched his pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love angst but writing it? for several chapters in a row? surprisingly exhausting. maybe that’s why i’ve been stumbling a bit ever since ch 11
> 
> ~next time: ~~a nice and friendly conversation (not)~~ Realizations~


	15. Realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see!
> 
> a friend of mine once said that my fics are like crumbs of fluff leading to the angst  
> i feel like this fic has been ~~(and is)~~ the very epitome of that
> 
> (i’m sorry)

**_Do not stop._ **

He had stopped.

**_Do not stop._ **

He had stopped, and now he was sitting on a fallen log with his elbows on his knees, watching as Leon busied himself with setting up camp.

**_Do not stop._ **

But he had stopped. Leon had asked him to, and his chest had stung, and he had agreed.

**_Why are you acting according to the whims of a human?_ **

He didn’t reply. It’s not like he knew the answer to the question anyway.

He stared at the fire Leon had started and tried to empty his mind.

**_You do not need this._ **

He ignored the dragon to the best of his abilities and accepted the steaming bowl of food Leon offered him.

**_There is only one thing you desire. To attain it, you must go to the mountain._ **

Once the bowl was empty, Leon took it from him with shaking hands but didn’t look him in the eyes.

For some reason, he wanted Leon to look at him.

**_Vessel, cease this nonsense at once!_ **

But Raihan didn’t move a muscle and he had no intention to do so until morning. Because Leon had asked him to.

The dragon kept tearing at his walls for a moment longer before it fell silent as well, almost as though it had gotten exhausted. It settled down and looked through his eyes, watched as his gaze followed Leon around the campsite.

It was almost too quiet.

After a long stretch of silence, the dragon roused again. **_Could it be…?_**

_What?_

Raihan had lost his focus for only a moment, but it was enough.

* * *

Leon sighed deeply as he washed their bowls and utensils after their late meal. Raihan had maintained a harrowing pace well into the night. Eventually, Leon had pleaded him to stop and rest and wait for daybreak. Raihan had stood still for a long while, with that unnervingly vacant stare in his eyes, and for a moment it had looked like he was going to refuse. Finally, he had nodded, and Leon had let out the breath he had been holding.

What had caught Leon completely off guard was Raihan’s sudden desire to go to the mountain. Why did he want to go there? Perhaps he was beginning to remember things, or maybe it was something else entirely. But Leon would get to the bottom of it tonight.

It had been cowardly of him to stay silent and protect his own fragile heart at Raihan’s expense. Not only cowardly, but downright wrong. Raihan wasn’t even aware of just how worrisome his current state was, that much was certain after their talk at Sonia’s.

He had to do it. For Raihan’s sake. He would explain everything, apologize for making excuses for his inaction and irrational behavior and lack of proper communication, and make amends. He would help Raihan remember and then they would figure out what to do together. They would find a way to make things right.

They had to.

He had to.

While he had been pitching the tent and building the campfire and cooking their supper, he had mulled over the right words, carefully put them in the correct order.

This time, _this time_ , he would know exactly what to say.

Still, Leon had to ball his fists to keep his hands from trembling as he finally sat down next to Raihan. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” he began hesitantly, unable to bring himself to look at Raihan.

“ ** _You are him, are you not? The boy from the past._** ”

A profound feeling of relief washed over Leon. “You remembered after all!” he exclaimed and extended his hand toward Raihan’s. He hadn’t dared to reach out to Raihan with casual touches, not when Raihan had been so closed off. It hadn’t felt like the proper thing to do. But now…! Everything would be just like it had been back then, simple and easy and unreserved – maybe not right away, but it would be. He would do everything in his power to sort everything out, solve the spirit dilemma, and regain Raihan’s trust and affection. “Look, Rairai, I’m so sorry - -”

“ ** _He does not remember, but We do. Although We did not recognize you at first. Humans all look the same._** ”

Leon’s hand stopped just a few inches from Raihan’s. “Us? Humans?” He lifted his gaze to Raihan’s face. “What are you - -”

Raihan had been sitting completely still and looking straight ahead, but now he turned his head toward Leon in a series of tiny, jerky motions. That’s when Leon realized, too late, that there was an unnatural, inhuman glow in his eyes. Instead of the usual teal – the color Leon had always loved – they were fully white with a subtle red tint to them.

“…Raihan?” He could feel the tremor in his own voice. He slowly drew his hand away.

“ ** _Not Raihan,_** ” something said with Raihan’s mouth but not his voice. “ ** _While you are not worthy of Our true name, you do know a name of Ours._** ”

Leon didn’t need a huge leap in logic to reach the most likely conclusion. “Eternatus?” he breathed.

The dragon didn’t grace him with a reply; maybe it didn’t consider him worthy of that, either. But it hadn’t objected, so his guess had probably been right.

Despite feeling a powerful urge to flee, Leon forced himself to stay put. Was this what Sonia had meant by full possession? What could the dragon make Raihan do in this state? But his movements were awkward and faltering, so perhaps the dragon didn’t have total control over him. Nevertheless, the sight of Raihan’s body slightly twitching as he – or the dragon? – shook off his cloak and slowly unfolded his wings was eerie enough to make cold sweat trickle down Leon’s back.

Show no fear, Leon told himself. Show no weakness. He needed answers and this was his chance to get them directly from the source. He forced himself to look straight in Raihan-but-not’s eyes. “What are you doing to him?”

“ ** _Why, We are merely giving Our vessel what he desires,_** ” the dragon replied flatly. “ ** _A purpose. The knowledge that he is needed. And, ultimately, the means to fulfill his destiny._** ”

Leon spoke through gritted teeth. “There’s no way _this_ is what he wants, being a shadow of his former self.”

“ ** _What makes you assume you know the true desires of Our vessel, human?_** ” The tone of the dragon’s voice was laced with something that almost sounded like genuine curiosity. “ ** _Have you been able to see into his mind, to touch his very soul, like We have? Are you telling Us that he never kept anything hidden from anyone, including himself?_** ”

As much as he hated to admit it, Leon found himself thinking that the dragon had a fair point. He had liked to think that he knew Raihan inside and out, but… That obviously wasn’t the case. What had happened eight years ago had caught him completely by surprise. He couldn’t help but wonder just how much more had gone unnoticed to him. Perhaps he didn’t know anything.

Shaking his head, Leon pushed the questions and his doubts aside and gave no reply. Don’t listen to it. Focus on the task at hand. “You need to stop this,” Leon demanded, but his voice broke when he added, “Please.”

Raihan-but-not cocked his head to the side. “ ** _And why should We prevent Our vessel from reaching his full potential?_** ”

“Can’t you see that he’s…” Leon let his words taper off and vigorously blinked away the tears welling in his eyes. It was evident that the dragon cared little for what it was doing to Raihan. He needed a different strategy.

Show no fear. Show no weakness.

“I… Whatever you took from him, give it back and take it from me instead,” he pleaded. He would do it. He would do anything for Raihan’s sake, to make it all up to him.

Raihan-but-not’s eyes widened and then narrowed to slits. “ ** _Intriguing. The human is offering himself as sacrifice without any knowledge of the state of affairs, for the sake of someone who does not care about him._** ” The dragon paused for a moment and appeared to be considering the proposition. “ ** _But there is no need for Us to undo the seal and begin anew. Our vessel is nearly ready, and the outcome would be the same nonetheless._** ”

Leon swallowed around the awful mixture of relief and disappointment and utter terror stuck in his throat. “What is your goal, then?” he asked and did his best to keep his voice from shaking. “Will you let Raihan go once you’ve achieved it?”

“ ** _What a prying little creature you are._** ”

Maybe staying quiet would be the best strategy here after all.

Something resembling a smile crept over Raihan-but-not’s face. “ ** _Nevertheless, perhaps We should offer you Our thanks, human,_** ” the dragon remarked. “ ** _You were truly helpful to Us. Your reaction was most convenient. We were able to use it to Our advantage, as the catalyst of Our vessel’s awakening, to finally tear down his walls and get through to him._** ” Jerkily, Raihan-but-not flung one leg over the log he was sitting on so that he was fully facing Leon. “ ** _You broke Our vessel’s heart, did you not?_** **_It only made him understand that he had no need for it. He recognized just how weak and pathetic he was, that he needed to be reborn, that his humanity was a hindrance. That he needed Us, not another human._** ”

Each word was a blow from a dagger, sharp and precise, right through Leon’s heart. Sonia’s theory had really been correct; he was the one to blame. For everything.

But wait, did the dragon’s words mean that the price of magic had been…?!

There was a nefarious glint in the glowing eyes. “ ** _So, pray tell, human,_** ” the dragon continued, still mock-smiling with Raihan’s mouth, “ ** _How much more pain have you been the cause of since then? How many more hearts have been broken because of you?_** ”

Leon lowered his eyes. It was almost as if the dragon knew exactly what to say to get under his skin. He thought back on all the times when he had unwittingly made someone had fallen under his musician’s charm, and the few times he had allowed himself to try, granted himself desperate yet feeble attempts at finding some semblance of comfort in the embrace of a relative stranger and the press of their lips upon his. Eventually he had had to turn each of them down, again and again. He was usually anything but smooth when turning people down, and those situations were generally unpleasant for all parties involved. Moreover, he was too kind, too empathetic for his own good, for each time he had had to do it – tell someone that it wasn’t going to work, that it wasn’t what he wanted – he had also broken his own heart all over again.

But none of those people had felt right, not in the way Raihan had.

Perhaps, in the end, the person Leon had caused the most pain and heartbreak to was himself. Why had he even tried to fill his heart when he knew that there was already someone in there?

The dragon must have sensed the distress in his silence. “ ** _Indeed,_** ” it said, “ ** _Would it not be simpler to have no need to pay mind to such tedious matters? Human hearts are too fragile for this world; they are nothing but a source of incessant pain. Feelings only serve to hinder. For what purpose do humans insist on clinging to such useless, irrelevant things?_** ”

The dragon’s words were like shards of glass in Leon’s lungs. For a moment he almost agreed; after all, without any connection to others there would be no reason to hurt or be hurt.

But he knew better.

Leon met the void-white eyes again. “You’re wrong,” he said firmly and clenched his fists. “They are not useless nor irrelevant. Our feelings, our emotions, even our pain… They are not a weakness. They make us human. They make us strong. The connections we have with others, both past and present, sharing both our joys and our sorrows – through them, we grow and learn to be better, to do better, for the sake of each other and ourselves and the entire world.”

The dragon made a condescending sound. “ ** _Bold of an insignificant, unknowing being like you to try to defy a dragon. How very amusing._** ” Raihan-but-not placed the sharp tip of one crooked claw under Leon’s chin and tilted it up. An ice-cold shiver, colder than anything Leon had ever experienced before, ran down his spine. He suddenly couldn’t move a muscle nor tear his gaze away from the unblinking eyes staring him down. The dragon’s voice was almost sweet when it added lazily, “ ** _How very futile._** ”

Leon felt sick to his stomach. “Maybe it is,” he managed to gasp, “but I will never give in to your way of thinking.”

“ ** _Are all humans this stubborn, eagerly seeking to argue with their betters?_** ” the dragon asked. “ ** _You remind Us of Our vessel. He has resisted since the very beginning, and Our strength and powers have been fluctuating. Our progress has been slow even after he accepted Us fully into him. And as of late, We have been unable to retain full control the way We used to. Our vessel is not as susceptible to Our allure; his walls are ever harder to surpass._** ” Raihan-but-not leaned in closer. “ ** _Hearing Our tale from the human point of view made Us realize something. Our vessel had failed to Ascend completely, to use a word that your feeble mind is able to comprehend. Because there was something, a tiny morsel, he had refused to let go of. Alas, he had been marked by two magics, touched and tainted by another spell before Ours had begun to fully take effect. We believed Ours to be stronger, capable of smothering the unwanted one, thus allowing Us to proceed nonetheless. But it has been… more powerful than We ever anticipated._** ” The claw pressed harder on the soft flesh under Leon’s chin, just barely not hard enough to break his skin and draw blood. The dragon’s next words came without mercy, low and accusatory. “ ** _And now We have come to understand that_ you _were not only the catalyst but also the one who put the sun in Our vessel’s heart, the sun that amplified the magic that has been thwarting the completion of Our transformation._** ”

While Leon didn’t completely understand what the dragon was talking about, he felt a glimmer of hope growing in his frightened heart. So, the held his tongue to keep the dragon talking, to get more information.

“ ** _And now you are here again, leading him astray, rousing something within him that should not be there, not anymore. All of it should be sealed away on the mountain. And so it shall be. In the words of those who imprisoned Us, ‘to seal away is to protect.’ That is how We have protected Our vessel as well, and he offered up his heart, full of painful memories, willingly._** ”

Leon held his breath. His hunch about the legend had been correct – the mountain _was_ important, the key to everything! He was sure to find answers there, and that’s where Raihan must have gone on the night of the awakening!

And Raihan’s heart… It really was…

The dragon had been quiet for a moment. “ ** _To think that the measly existence of a single human being could be such a liability. It is perplexing. Absurd,_** ” it eventually said in a teeth-baring snarl.

Leon had always found Raihan’s sharp canines endearing, but now they only looked intimidating.

“ ** _How bothersome. It was an unfortunate mistake on Our part to tolerate you accompanying Our vessel. You know too much; you have discovered too many answers and half-answers. While We are not_ yet _powerful enough to rid of the nuisance you are completely, not with the current state of Our vessel, perhaps there is something We can do to minimize the threat you pose._** ”

The claw moved from Leon’s chin to press on his throat. The paralyzing coldness spreading from its tip made an involuntary whimper escape Leon’s lips. A mocking half-grin distorted Raihan’s features.

“ ** _Our vessel has proven to be able to resist this. But We doubt you can,_** ” the dragon hummed. “ ** _You are nothing like him. You never were and you will never be. Soon, a new Day will rise, and you will be gone, turned back to dust. But in the meantime…_** ”

Leon tried to open his mouth to speak, but the dragon cut him off with a dangerously soft whisper. “ ** _The minstrel needs not use his voice._** ”

Leon’s mouth went dry.

“ ** _Now, may your meddlesome lips be sealed, may your traitorous tongue be bound, may your beguiling voice go unheard._** ” Raihan-but-not trailed the claw from Leon’s throat to his shoulder and down his right forearm. Leon could feel its sharpness and the chill it was emanating even through his clothes. The claw came to a stop on the back of his uncontrollably shaking hand. “ ** _May your penmanship falter as well,_** ” the dragon continued, “ ** _May all words elude you, so that We may finish what We started. So that Our vessel may realize his full potential, freed of the remaining shackles of his human heart, and carry Our plan to completion._** ”

The claw pressed down harder, and Leon nearly cried out when he felt the foreign magic flowing into his body, like a surge of ice-cold toxin injected into his veins.

Raihan-but-not retreated his hand and closed his eyes. “ ** _The deed is done,_** ” the dragon said. “ ** _Farewell, minstrel._** ”

* * *

With a jolt, he was suddenly aware of his surroundings again.

“Raihan? Is that you?”

“…Leon?” He glanced around. He was still in the same place, albeit sitting in a different position than before, and there were no signs of him using magic. That didn’t happen too often. He heard Leon exhale sharply in front of him and turned toward the minstrel. “What just happened?”

Leon wrung the hem of his tunic as he spoke. “Listen. Whatever it is that you’ve been holding onto, you have to keep holding onto it, you hear me? Keep fighting back. Otherwise there will be nothing left of –––––.” He swallowed and drew another deep breath. “And all of this is my fault because I was so stupid back then, and I just kept being a ––––– idiot, and even if my words can’t reach –––––, I want you to know that I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ve always –––––.”

Leon was talking way too fast. Raihan shook his head a bit and asked, “What are you talking about?”

He couldn’t understand why, but the words were inciting something in him.

The dragon was quick to repress it. **_Do not listen to him, vessel._**

Tears were brimming in Leon’s eyes and his voice was growing hoarser by the second. “I’m starting to get it now. It’s like in the ––––– Sonia found, isn’t it? It took your –––––, and somehow that has –––––. But you didn’t do it willingly, right? There’s still a part of you that –––––. That’s why… That’s why ––––– wants you to –––––, in order to –––––! And I think that’s where your ––––– really is, so if we –––––, we should be able to find a way to –––––!”

Raihan had trouble following the rapid flow of words. “My what?”

Somehow, he knew this was important.

 **_It is not important. He merely attempted to oppose Us. To oppose_ ** **you _._**

“–––––!”

“Leon, no sound is coming out of your mouth. Are you… Are you all right?”

A shiver crawled up Raihan’s spine like a living thing.

**_Nothing he has ever said has been of any importance to Our vessel._ **

Leon’s eyes went wide and wild. He grasped at his throat with one hand and stared at the other. It began to shake.

“Le…on?”

**_Thus, We made sure that he shall stay silent from now on._ **

In an instant, Leon’s expression changed. He straightened his back, set his jaw and patted his cheeks. The glimmer in his eyes was bordering on feverish, like there was an inner fire burning behind them. It looked like he had to force the words out of his mouth. “I will. Take you back. To the mountain.”

Raihan’s skin prickled all over. Back? And, more importantly, why was Leon also so determined to go to the mountain?

**_Heed him no mind. You must go alone._ **

Leon was shivering, and his voice was strained and barely audible. “Trust me. Please.”

Raihan froze in place. Something in the words resonated within him, and for a fraction of a second a thought lingered, a vision – bright blue sky overhead and soft grass against the back of his hand and another hand, someone else’s, warm and a bit smaller than his, against his palm and between his fingers and the distant echo of a renewed promise; and then the scent of pine and the press of lips on his forehead and a smile that wasn’t sad and the distant echo of a question and its answer - -

**_YOU DO NOT TRUST HIM._ **

Raihan’s fingers twitched. He wanted to take Leon’s hand in his, to hold him close.

Why?

 **_YOU DO_ ** **NOT _NEED HIM._**

Something inside him burned. An elusive, long-forgotten spark.

Before it had a chance to disappear again, he focused on it, on its warmth and brightness, protected it. He stopped to listen.

He met Leon’s eyes and nodded.

And he stood his ground as the abyss in him shrieked and spewed venom and thrashed against the walls of his mind.

* * *

Leon picked up his lute.

He didn’t know what else to do.

What else was there left for him to do?

Heedless of the invisible shackles around his wrists and throat, Leon played. The language of music was the language of the heart, the very depths of the human soul; it didn’t necessarily need words. He poured his heart into the song, even though he knew that Raihan didn’t have a heart that could hear and comprehend it anymore. But he still had a pulse, albeit a faint one, so his heart wasn’t completely gone. There had to be a way to restore it.

They would be off at first light, as soon as it was safe to keep traveling. They would go back to the mountain and Leon would find the answers there. Raihan trusted him, so he would fix everything that had been broken because of his mistakes, his shortcomings, his weakness.

He had to turn it all into tenacity.

He had to be strong.

He had to.

Heedless of the tears clouding his vision, Leon played. He knew the melody well; his fingers easily found the familiar chords even if he couldn’t see. The song may still be incomplete, faltering, confused, but it was the only way Leon had left to remind Raihan. It had always been Raihan’s song, right from the very beginning.

So maybe, just maybe…

And so, heedless of everything, Leon played, to the faraway stars and the waning moon and the suffocating darkness lurking beyond the campfire’s circle of light, until the ache in his wrists and fingers was nearly as painful as the ache in his heart. And even after that, he kept playing, until he was too weary to continue.

* * *

It took all his willpower to keep his walls intact, to keep the hissing dragon out and away from the forefront of his mind.

Leon looked so desperate when he played, so lost. The silent tears rolling down his face mixed with the melody made Raihan jittery, but his foggy mind couldn’t quite grasp why. It was as if they were further stoking something within him, tugging at an invisible string.

He tried to follow the thread, but it disappeared into a red-and-black haze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~next time: ~~♫ so take me back to~~ The mountain~


	16. The mountain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the worst kind of creative block is the one when you know exactly what you wanna do but then you sit down and it just. doesn’t come out  
> that’s the kind of block i’ve been having lately
> 
> anyway. i’ve been thinking about this chapter for _months_. i'm actually a bit sad that it’s finished now........... hope you like it

The dark shape of the mountain towered over them against the deep night sky, bathing in faint moonlight.

**_Follow the road._ **

Not even halfway up the mountain there was a human settlement. As they were passing it by, he stopped at the fork in the road and watched the candlelight pouring out of the windows of some of the houses.

**_Upward._ **

Higher up he stopped again and looked over the ledge down to the valley below.

**_Come to Us._ **

Near the peak Leon had fallen a bit behind, so Raihan slowed down and finally stopped once more to wait for him by the open front doors of his destination.

Leon was looking up at the statues guarding the walkway and gesturing with his hands. The movements were intricate, nothing like the simple wave Raihan had recognized at the inn. Still, somehow, he was dimly aware that they were also meant to be a greeting of some kind.

The dragon laughed in the back of his mind. **_Humans are so very amusing in their foolishness, are they not? It is almost a shame…_**

Raihan didn’t reply.

Leon had also been gesturing at him for the entirety of the day’s journey, like he was trying to tell him something. However, no matter how Raihan tried, he couldn’t understand the minstrel.

Then again, the dragon had silenced Leon, so it wasn’t anything important.

…No, it had to be important if - -

**_It is not._ **

It wasn’t important. It wasn’t. It wasn’t. It wasn’t.

What was important was getting here and…

And…?

Then what?

**_Just do as We say._ **

Right. Right. The dragon knew what to do. It knew what he wanted. He didn’t need to question a thing.

Too many questions. He had to stop clinging to such useless things.

Leon caught up to him and did the same greeting one more time, toward the doors this time. Then he looked up at him with a peculiar spark in his eyes and held his gaze.

Raihan couldn’t interpret the meaning behind that intent look, either.

After a time, Leon reached out and grabbed a handful of his cloak, his fingers momentarily brushing against his wrist through the thick fabric.

Something in his chest tightened.

He wanted it to stop doing that, didn’t he?

And so, he and Leon stepped into the dark corridor together.

* * *

He kept a tight grip on Raihan’s cloak as they walked along the corridor.

Even though he knew it was in vain, Leon had tried to get his voice working again, all morning and day and evening and night long. Trying to get his point across nonverbally had been a fool’s errand as well, especially since Raihan wasn’t in a very receptive state; reaching the mountain seemed to be the sole thing imprinted on his mind. And now that they were here, Leon could feel that time was quickly running out like grains of sand slipping through his fingers. He looked around closely for any clues and walked slowly in order to buy some more time. Any second could make a difference.

The dragon wanted Raihan to come here in order to gain full control, so the seal of his heart must be tied to a physical place – the temple – somehow. There must be something here, Leon was sure of it. Something he had overlooked, something he hadn’t figured out yet, something he could do to help Raihan to undo the spirit’s influence and unseal his heart…

But how?

If only he had a little bit more time to figure this out, if only he could just put all the pieces together…

Was it too late for that? Was there anything he could do anymore?

Leon bit the inside of his mouth and kept his fears and panic at bay as best he could. He had to try.

The temple felt significantly more ominous than previously, but Leon was certain it wasn’t only because of the darkness of the night. The faint, reddish glow spilling through the doorway at the end of the corridor and the light-emitting floor tiles near the walls told him that strong ancient magic still lingered there. A repulsively sweet scent, the smell of disease and decay, wafted through the air. Despite its foulness it reminded Leon of roses. The smell got stronger the closer to the end of the corridor he and Raihan got, and once they had reached the main chamber it was so overpowering that it made breathing difficult.

The chamber looked mostly the way Leon remembered, not that there was much to remember to begin with. Then he noticed that the sculpture behind the altar had broken, cracked open like an egg. It was hollow inside, or at least it looked like it was, and pieces of its shell were strewn about.

An egg… The shell of…

That must be where - -!

Suddenly Leon realized that the cloak was hanging loose in his grip. He turned to see that Raihan had discarded it and spread his wings. When he glanced at Leon over his shoulder, the smile on his face wasn’t the one Leon had been aching to see again. It was too sharp, twisted, and it didn’t reach his eyes that were again a dully glowing white.

“ ** _Our Vessel shall now complete the sealing process,_** ” the dragon announced.

No. No no no no no - -

Leon let the cloak fall all the way on the floor, desperately surged forward and, without thinking, seized Raihan’s hand, intertwining their fingers. The hand was so impossibly cold, and Leon felt a strong impulse to warm it up, and he did – he let his magic flow into Raihan, skin to skin and through skin.

“This is not what you want, Rairai,” he tried to say. “Don’t give in, don’t give in, _please_ , you have to resist it, we have to find a way to get your heart back, there has to be a way, just give me a bit more time, I don’t want to lose you again - -”

But Raihan didn’t hear him. While he could move his lips, his mouth was full of silence.

Then, much to his surprise, Leon could see that the white glow in Raihan’s eyes was dimming, his face was not quite as blank, his hollow eyes were regaining some of their former color and brightness, showing a glimpse of the person he had known since childhood.

Was it the touch?

Maybe…

Leon stepped closer to enfold Raihan in his arms, but in an instant Raihan’s eyes turned fully white again. “ ** _Do not intervene,_** ” the dragon snarled, and Raihan-but-not swatted Leon’s hand away with enough force to send him tumbling on the floor.

Gritting his teeth, Leon got to his knees but Raihan-but-not had already squatted down next to him, a sinister grin marring his face.

“ ** _You can sense it, can you not?_** ” the dragon asked. “ ** _Our excess magic that has been seeping into each and every stone of this structure, Our magic that has slowly been leaking through the cracks of Our prison. It is most refreshing to be surrounded by it once again. It does not repel Us like Our vessel does. And soon he, too, will completely submit to Us, as he should have already._** ” The dragon made an inhuman sound which was almost like a bark of laughter. “ ** _Yes. True revival is nigh, and with it, Our true power in all its glory. And We need you to stay out of this, human. This is between Us and Our vessel._** ”

Before Leon had a chance to dodge, Raihan-but-not grazed his bare skin with the tip of a claw, sending paralyzing coldness coursing through his body again. To his great horror, Leon realized that the magic felt stronger than last time.

Raihan-but-not rose and began walking toward the center of the room. “ ** _There is no need to rush, minstrel._ We _shall deal with you soon enough._** ”

Leon tried to stand up again, told his limbs to move, but to no avail.

Even his own body didn’t hear him anymore.

Bound in place and straining against the dragon’s magic, Leon tried to call after Raihan, get up and run after him before it was too late again - -

But all he could do was watch as the dragon led his dearest away.

* * *

Raihan blinked away the haze clinging to the edges of his vision.

Where’s Leon? He had been right here just a moment ago, and he had… He had - -

**_Vessel._ **

He halted.

**_Come to Us._ **

He shifted his gaze up and saw an indistinct outline of something gigantic and skeletal writhing in the air at the other end of the room. It spoke to him and its voice was of pure, tangible energy with a hint of sweet, sweet poison.

**_Did you not desire infinite power? To ascend into godhood? To leave all your pain behind?_ **

The shape’s unnaturally long body was endlessly coiling around the altar, as if it was guarding something.

**_Is that not what you wished for?_ **

Something flickered into existence on top of the altar.

**_We have seen eternity. The past and the future. We have heard the throes of the earth._ **

It was a box, made of lights and shadows. It was giving off a beam of unnatural red light, flowing like water to the floor and forming a pool.

**_Humanity and eternity cannot coexist. Humans and their fragile hearts only bring pain and suffering into this world._ **

Something stung in his chest at the sight.

**_On that Day, humans destroyed Our kin, the blood of Our blood and the flesh of Our flesh and the bone of Our bone. And for that very reason We loathe them, and so do you. You loathe them all._ **

He began walking toward the altar and the figure tethered to the sculpture behind it.

**_We were the last of Our kind. We had lent Our strength to Our brethren, offered each soul a share of Our eternity so that their spirits would not vanish completely. But humans had grown to fear Us, like they had grown to fear all of dragonkind._ **

His legs moved on their own accord.

**_On that Day, We tried to make humans see Our point of view. It was all for naught in the end; they were so blinded by their emotions, the irrational terror in their hearts. While they could not completely eradicate Us, they succeeded in sealing Us away. And so, We slumbered._ **

The sounds of his footsteps echoed faintly in the empty room.

**_It was scarcely an existence. We, all of us, were weak in our new form. To survive, Our kin sought to connect with humans. The bonds they formed were more subtle than the one We had attempted on that Day. Symbiotic, even, with our sworn enemy._ **

His claws clinked against the stone tiling.

**_Their decision was naught but false comfort and complacency. It is not how things are supposed to be. It is not true rebirth._ **

Trails of dust swirled in his wake.

 **_Humans_ ** **will _destroy everything, like they destroyed Our kin. You know this. You know that We speak the truth and only the truth. They will not stop their destruction unless We put an end to it._**

The dim light around him wavered.

**_We are going to change the course of history. Humankind shall be no more. The only path to salvation lies in Us._ **

He was close enough to the altar now to see that the box was translucent.

**_We know what is best for you. That is the only thing you need to know, the one and only truth. So, stop questioning Us._ **

There was something inside it.

**_You are still clinging to something. A tiny, unnecessary morsel._ **

It was alive, beating.

And it was his.

**_Leave it behind, vessel._ **

His trembling hand was hovering over the box, over his heart.

He could see that it was missing a piece.

**_Seal it away with the rest of your humanity. Accept your destiny. This is what you desire._ **

What he desired?

…What _did_ he want?

…Not this.

Never this.

**_Grant Us Our rebirth through your blood and flesh and bone; allow Us to bring forth a new Era of Dragons!_ **

A phantom of a touch, a familiar warmth, was still lingering in his fingertips, coursing through him. He followed it to the source of it all.

And there was a spark in the darkness, an ember in the abyss, stinging his in chest.

He stopped to listen, and he listened keenly, like he had used to, like he always had.

**_Do as We say!_ **

And he heard it.

(Somewhere, a different, faint voice said, _There was something you didn’t want to lose._ )

**_Cease your resistance!_ **

It was calling out to him.

( _Take it back. Take it all back. Make yourself whole again._ )

**_OBEY US, VESSEL!_ **

( _Please._ )

And he put his hands upon his heart,

the part that had been stolen from him, the part that he had given away,

and the part that he had never surrendered;

and he focused on the voice,

the elusiveness he had clung to,

the warmth he had refused to let go of all these years,

the light, the beacon that had never truly gone out,

the faint, ever-lingering ache in his chest;

and he held it close,

embraced it,

heard its familiar melody;

and in a moment that was simultaneously a blink of an eye and a lifetime,

he remembered

the warmth of a hand in his, time and time again, fingers intertwined, reluctant to let go,

the scent of pine and the small smiles that had been like jewels,

the view down to the valley from his bedroom window,

the gentle babble of a stream and the lovely echo of birdsong in the treetops,

the detour he took on his way home even when it was unbearably cold outside,

the silly childhood games and shared chores and study sessions,

the cool waters of the pond hidden in the woods,

the mesmerizing beauty of sparkling golden eyes,

the clatter of stones against ice,

the warm words of welcome from a family that simultaneously was and wasn’t his,

the savory scent of a meal waiting for him over the hearth,

the sound of a lute played by fingers that made sparks fly in their wake,

the vast starry darkness of the night and the pale moon against a clear blue sky,

the vibrant colors of autumn leaves enfolding him high above the ground,

the deeper meaning hidden in the soft yarn of a knitted garment,

the smooth texture of hair running between his fingers,

the pleasant heat of the summer sun on his skin,

the cheerful laughter ringing in the garden during harvest season,

the flavor of meat buns and sun-ripened raspberries and spicy ginger tea,

the promise to see the world together,

the improvised steps of a merry dance,

the soothing sound of a needle pulling thread through fabric,

the intense gaze and sharp mind of a new friend who gently nudged him in the right direction,

the name only one person used to refer to him,

the gesture that signified an unbreakable bond, a promise to never part;

and he recalled

a certain starry night,

a word he hadn’t been able to say aloud,

a wild pounding in his chest,

a breath mingling with his,

a softness against his lips,

a sensation unlike any other,

a warmth that flowed through his entire being;

yes, he remembered

the world,

the countless other sounds and scents and sights and sensations it had to offer, all of them equally wondrous,

the feeling he hadn’t wanted to lose;

and he let down his walls once more,

stood on the edge of the abyss,

kept his head above the surface,

fought the current trying to pull him under and tear him apart,

reversed its flow,

and - -

* * *

Raihan refused to be a vessel any longer.

* * *

( _Well done._ )

* * *

Time – flowing like it was supposed to, settling back in its proper course.

Painful clarity – of the senses, of the beating beneath his ribcage.

Flood of memories, flood of feelings – returning, twining together.

_“- -!”_

Raihan slowly opened his eyes. The first rays of the rising sun stepped in through the windows and made everything glisten in unbearably vivid colors.

It took his breath away.

_“- -irai!”_

He felt an unfamiliar wetness on his face. He brought a hand up to touch his cheek.

Tears.

When was the last time he had cried?

He knew. He remembered again.

_“- -han!”_

He shut his eyes tight. He felt the coldness of the floor against his back. His wings were painfully lodged under him, splayed open and bent in an awkward angle. There was an uncomfortable ringing in his ears and his head throbbed. Every fiber of his being burned and the heart restored in his chest was beating too fast and too hard and too loud and it hurt, hurt, _hurt_ , but the pain was a welcome feeling after years and years of nothingness.

“Raihan!”

His eyes flew open. His field of vision was filled with a mess of long, wild hair and alarmed golden eyes.

His heart began beating even faster and harder and louder.

“Oh, Raihan, thank the stars,” Leon – his lovely, beautiful, brilliant sun – breathed. “Are you all right, what happened, I was so worried, can you sit up, ah, you’re crying, are you hurt, please, _please_ be all right…”

Raihan groaned and slowly got up to a sitting position. Leon stopped leaning over him to give him room to move but didn’t stop his anxious babbling. Raihan knew he should say something to him, to reassure him – he could see it in Leon’s eyes that he had been crying too – but his mouth felt too dry. Instead, for the time being, he concentrated on folding his wings tightly to his back. It was a cumbersome ordeal, as if he was using them for the first time again, but eventually he succeeded. And then, all of a sudden, he realized - -

He turned toward Leon. “You… You’re speaking again.”

Leon’s frantic torrent of words abruptly stopped and his eyes went wide. “Wha- - I am?” He touched his throat, bewildered. “But… But how? What happened? You were motionless by the altar for ages and then there was a sudden flash of light and you just… collapsed without any warning.”

Ah, right. What he had done probably hadn’t looked like much in the physical realm. “I sealed it away. Again. Like in the story,” Raihan explained. “I think it’s going to nap for another few millennia.” When Leon didn’t say anything, only looked absolutely stupefied, Raihan continued, “That’s what you tried to tell me to do, right? I took my heart back and sealed the dragon away in its stead.”

There were a few breaths of absolute stillness.

Then, cautiously, Leon placed a quivering hand on Raihan’s chest, over his heart. Before long, he let out a small gasp and met Raihan’s eyes again.

The two simply stared at each other for a several long moments.

Leon’s eyes were welling with tears and his words came in a whisper. “Do you… Does this mean that you…?”

Even though his facial muscles didn’t quite remember how to move in the correct way yet, Raihan did his best to smile regardless. “Can I call you Lee?”

Without another word, Leon threw his arms around Raihan’s neck and himself in Raihan’s arms. Raihan returned the embrace with equal ferocity. They stayed like that for a long time, weeping and trembling in each other’s arms, and Raihan soaked up all the excess warmth Leon was giving him and Leon kept repeating his name, calling him Rairai, over and over and over again, until the syllables slurred into one and faded into incomprehensible sobs.

“Please tell me those are tears of happiness,” Raihan eventually managed, half-jokingly, through his own tears.

“Of course they are, you idiot,” Leon choked in response. “Most of them are, anyway.”

That was a good sign. Probably.

After a while, Leon drew several deep breaths and asked, “Is… Is the spirit really gone?”

“Yeah. It should be.”

“Does it hurt anywhere?” Leon continued. “You’ll be all right now, won’t you?”

“I’ll survive,” Raihan assured. “I’m just… exhausted. And a bit sore all over.” Perhaps that was an understatement, but he wanted Leon to keep holding him, to keep him warm.

“…Ah. Sorry.” Leon slightly loosened his grip. Then, uncertainly, he whispered, “I… Is this okay? Or should I stop?”

“More than okay,” Raihan replied. “Please don’t let go.”

Leon clung to him even tighter and pressed his face to the side of his neck. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too,” Raihan murmured, for it was true, he knew it now. He had missed so many things for the past eight years, constantly, without ever realizing the reason for the ache in his chest.

Raihan closed his eyes again. His head felt simultaneously too full and too quiet now that all the thoughts in there were completely his own, and differentiating his emotions from each other was difficult after being without them for so long. So, he decided to concentrate on one singular thing: on Leon and his embrace and how it made him feel – warm and safe and relieved and hopeful and so, so overwhelmingly happy. It was almost too much.

It _was_ too much, but in a good way.

He opened his eyes when Leon haltingly began to speak again. “I had hoped to see you again for so long… And then, suddenly, you were here again… But you didn’t know me… And, and you were so… And I just… I didn’t know what to do, I was so terrified, I couldn’t do anything to help, I asked you to trust me but I failed…”

“You _did_ help. I couldn’t have done this without you,” Raihan tried to interject, but it seemed like Leon didn’t hear him.

“…And all of this was my fault, if only I had understood it back then, realized it just a bit sooner, just how much I… I…” Leon’s voice dwindled away and he broke down to tears again. “But I was stupid and confused and turned you down and hurt you and broke your heart, and because of that, because of _me_ , the spirit got the upper hand and possessed you…”

Raihan’s throat tightened. “Lee, don’t - -”

“…I’m so sorry, Rairai. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m - -”

“Lee. _Lee_. Listen to me, please.”

And Leon stopped talking, only sniffled and hiccupped into the fabric of Raihan’s tunic.

“Everything’s all right now,” Raihan breathed and soothingly ran his hands up and down Leon’s back. “It wasn’t your fault. None of this was. It was the dragon’s doing.”

“But… But it said that the awakening… It said that I…”

“It talked to you?” Raihan asked and felt Leon nod against his shoulder. When had that happened? Probably when it had put its spell on Leon. “I don’t think you should believe everything that snake says. And… I think I would have eventually lost my fight against it anyway. It would have kept trying to force its way in some other way.” He turned his head and pressed his face in Leon’s hair. “Please don’t blame yourself. You’re not responsible for my emotions.” Letting out a long exhale, Raihan muttered, “Especially since an ancient, manipulative dragon spirit set on destroying humankind had been messing with my head and turned them against me.”

“Messing wi- - Dest- -” Leon hastily drew back from the embrace but kept a grip on Raihan’s shoulders. “ _What?!_ ”

Raihan sighed. “Not the nicest dragon to host, I can assure you. But that explanation can wait. There are more important things I need to say…”

He lowered his eyes. Yes, that explanation was important, too, but he’d rather not think about the dragon and what it had done to him and what it had tried to accomplish. Not right now. Not here. He had spent way too much time overshadowed by dragon-thoughts. For now, he wanted focus on his own thoughts, being wholly human, being just Raihan.

Raihan picked at his frayed sleeves for a moment and lifted his gaze back to Leon’s face. “I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I disappeared.” He felt new tears burn his eyes. He let them spill freely. “I’m so sorry for forgetting you and causing you so much pain.”

A small, wry smile tugged at the corners of Leon’s mouth. “It wasn’t your fault,” he countered. “ _You’re_ not responsible for what an ancient, manipulative dragon spirit set on destroying humankind makes you do, either.”

Leon was right, but something in the way he said it made Raihan laugh. Or, at least he tried to laugh. The sound hurt his throat and made him go off into a coughing fit. Yep, another thing he needed to practice more. “Fair enough,” he conceded. “And I want you to know that if it had been up to me, I would never have left. I would have waited for your answer for however long it took.”

Leon’s expression softened into a more genuine smile and he brought a hand up to tenderly caress Raihan’s cheek. His golden eyes were so astoundingly gentle, affectionate.

Maybe, just maybe…

With his heart in his mouth, Raihan leaned to the touch. “Say…” he began with perhaps too much confidence and a teasing lilt in his voice. “Did I give you enough time to think things through?”

Leon blinked a few times, perplexed, and then he laughed, too; the sound was wet, relieved, warm, familiar. “More than enough, to be honest. Now I’m sure. Of everything. I…” Tears began to trickle down Leon’s face as well. “You’re the one. It’s always been you. I… I would like nothing more than to always stay by your side.” The brightest of smiles spread on his lips. “Will you let me?”

Even though it was the answer Raihan had cautiously hoped for the entire time, he still wasn’t prepared for it. Overwhelmed and at a loss for words, he slowly brought his left hand to his lips and touched them with his third and fourth fingers. “We forged a bond, remember?” he asked quietly and held out the hand to Leon, palm side up. “So… If you want to.”

Leon’s eyes sparkled as he mirrored the gesture, took Raihan’s hand in his and carefully interlaced their fingers. Their hands fit together effortlessly, even after all these years. “Don’t be silly, Rairai,” Leon smiled softly. “Of course I want to.”

Raihan smiled as well, albeit a bit lopsidedly, since that was the best he was capable of right then.

Leon clasped his hand tighter. “And… I also want to…” he began and cautiously leaned closer. “Can I…” He hesitated, halted in his approach and bit his lower lip. “Can we try again? Pick up where we left off?”

Raihan was sure his heart would burst at its seams.

It was too much. Definitely too much. But in a good way.

Slowly, Raihan tilted his head to the side and closed his tearful eyes in a wordless permission, a silent invitation. And soon trembling lips found trembling lips as Leon kissed him.

It was chaste and clumsy and tasted of tears and longing and sunshine.

In other words, it was wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~end of act 3~
> 
> ~next time: ~~the end?~~ Epilogue~


	17. Epilogue: Song

Leon’s voice drifted into his half-dozing mind gently, with the greatest of ease. “Rairai, I wrote you a song. Do you want to hear it?”

Raihan didn’t open his eyes but made a sleepy sound to let Leon know that he had heard him.

He was using Leon’s lap as a pillow as the two rested on lush grass under the shade of a grand oak tree. They had gone to see the world for a bit, together. This time Raihan had made sure he did the right way: he had met new people, tried new things, explored new places, all the while appreciating every moment and committing it all to memory. And there were still countless other sights to see – this first journey had been only the beginning, just a small glimpse of the world. He had wanted to see it all one day, but perhaps seeing _everything_ wasn’t as simple as it had seemed to him when he had been a child.

However, that notion made life even more exciting. New experiences were waiting for him around every corner.

And now they were on their way back home, to the mountainside village and the valley town. Maybe going back so soon wasn’t the greatest of ideas, but that’s what Raihan wanted. Despite everything, he loved home too much to be away for too long.

He was getting better. He could take it. The positives should outweigh the negatives.

The day had been good. His breathing came easily, his mind was calm, there had been no visions or disconnections from reality or disruptive jitters. Not every day was this easy, but there had been more and more easy days lately. Raihan was grateful for it. So, he was enjoying the day to the fullest: the lengthy after-meal respite, the mid-afternoon sunlight dancing on his closed eyelids, the summery scent of the flowers Leon was weaving, the soft rustle of wind in the foliage.

Letting out a satisfied sigh, Raihan nuzzled closer to Leon and allowed his mind to wander for a bit longer.

He had been born bearing the mark of a dragon, a complex sigil upon his heart. Some marks were a blessing, some were a curse, some were both, some were neither. His mother had told him that there was no way of knowing if the spirit that had touched him was a deity of good or evil or the balance between the two or the absence of both, not until the dragon slumbering in his heart would wake up one day.

In all honesty, Raihan still wasn’t certain what it had been.

Perhaps it was all a matter of perspective. Perhaps Eternatus had been all of them at once.

Whether it had been a curse or not, it was gone now, along with the sigil on his chest and the magic the dragon had infused into his veins and bones. He had been able to cast spells for a few days after the night on the mountain, and then the ability had slowly faded and ultimately vanished. The bony appendages he had referred to as wings had also disappeared – shriveled up and melded with the skin of his back, and gradually transformed into patches of bumpy skin and uneven scaling over the course of several weeks. He couldn’t feel them anymore, but sometimes some distant corner of his mind longed to splay them open. During those moments Raihan had to force himself to resist the urge to tear the skin of his back into tatters and dig the ghost-wings out.

Most of the other physical features had stayed. His nails still grew black and hard, his teeth had retained their sharpness, and only a couple handfuls of scales had come loose and fallen off. Even though he didn’t have a dragon in his heart anymore, its influence on his body lingered, and he had a feeling it would linger for the rest of his days. He may have sealed the dragon away and be a mere mortal now, but he’d always be dragon-touched, too.

And his physical body wasn’t the only part of him the dragon had touched. The corruption of his heart and mind had also left an indelible, eternal mark on him. The memory of the abyss still haunted him, and it would always haunt him. Raihan knew it would never vanish completely; it would always be there, in the form of nightmares and afterimages growing in the gaps in eight years’ worth of fragmented memories. Some days, he felt detached from himself, numb, like he didn’t exist at all, like he was about to fall apart at any moment. Some nights, he was scared to go to sleep, afraid that if he did, he would wake up only to find that a significantly longer time than one night had passed.

But Leon was there – Leon with his warm embraces and grounding presence and soothing words of reassurance – and it made everything easier. With each passing day, Raihan felt more like himself, more like a human being.

A human being with a human heart… It would take some time for Raihan to get completely used to it again. Many moons had waned and waxed since he had gotten his heart back, and he liked to think that he was making steady process. Yet even now, from time to time, it all got to be too much, both pain and bliss amplified thousand-fold and overwhelming.

Then again, looking back, hadn’t some things been overwhelming even back then? Especially being with Leon – hadn’t his mere existence been enough to take Raihan’s breath away and make his heart flutter in his chest?

But Raihan knew that feeling too much was better, so much better, than the dull phantom pain caused by the empty crevice in his chest had been. There’s nothing sweet about oblivion.

The first dragonless day was still clear on Raihan’s mind, and sometimes it felt like that memory was clearer than any other, including the present.

Leaning on each other and supporting each other’s weights, he and Leon had fought against their fatigue as they had left the temple and descended from the mountain. The sun had been high up in the sky when they had finally made their way to Raihan’s home village. Once there, Raihan had broken down in his mother’s welcoming, pine-scented embrace, apologies both new and long overdue spilling from his lips as he wept.

She had rocked him like a small child and let him cry until there had been no more tears left. Smiling, she had then pressed a kiss on his forehead. “Welcome back, dear,” she had whispered, teary-eyed.

Raihan had tried his best to return her smile. “I promised you I’d always come back, didn’t I?”

But he hadn’t wanted to stay. Not yet. Not when the looming shape of the mountain had filled him with so much dread and unease, as if it tried to lure him back into the emptiness, the constant state of stupor and indifference. Not when there had been a constant, physical reminder of what had happened and what had _almost_ happened.

Leon had noticed his discomfort. It probably hadn’t been that hard to notice, really.

That evening, after two or three naps and a bath, Leon had taken Raihan’s hand in his once again and asked if he was still interested in seeing the world with him.

Raihan had nodded. “Definitely.”

They had started their journey the next day, hand in hand, with no clear destination in sight. With each step between him and the mountain, Raihan’s mind had felt a bit clearer, his lungs a bit fuller, his heart a bit lighter.

First, they had followed the mountain stream to the pond. Seeing the clearing like that, bathing in warm spring sunlight, had reminded Raihan of the day he and Leon had met. Just how differently would things have turned out if that meeting hadn’t happened? Honestly, he’d rather not think about it.

Sitting down side by side on the soft grass, just like they often had when they had been children and youngsters, he and Leon had simply shared the peace and quiet for a moment before continuing on. It had been enough; they hadn’t needed any words right then. Eventually, they would need words that were spoken aloud. But they could wait for them to be ready, for just a little while longer.

Even now, Raihan sometimes noticed that there was still a rift between him and Leon, left behind by years of absence and separation and everything still left unsaid between them, both old and new wounds raw and stinging. There was also a certain kind of lingering sadness in Leon’s eyes every now and then, eerily similar to the one Raihan had learnt to detect in his mother’s gaze as a child.

Everything felt so terribly fragile at times. One wrong move and it all would silently shatter.

But there were no wrong moves. With every gaze, every smile, every tear, every touch and every apology, they built bridges over the crevasse, worked on closing the gap as they comforted and supported one another, relearnt the shapes of each other’s hearts. Little by little, the cracks would heal, become whole again. He and Leon both would.

After a few nights on the road, they had reached a town. Upon locating the inn, Leon had exchanged a couple of smiles and a few songs for a small but nice room for them to share for the night.

Raihan had to admit that the bed they had shared had been even nicer, for that night Leon had held him close, like he was never going to let go. He had savored the comfortable, perfect, effortless simplicity of it all, basked in the warmth of Leon’s body flush against his and finally told him what he had realized over a decade ago: that Leon was his sun and must have been born with a sun in his heart.

The first confession had made the tips of Leon’s ears red and a smile bloom on his lips, but then he had looked past Raihan for a long moment, lost in his own head. “You know… You have a sun in _your_ heart, Rairai,” he had eventually said with a familiar sparkle in his eyes and a small smile. “For the same reason I have a moon in mine.”

When Raihan had laughed a little and asked what he meant by that, Leon had ever so shyly pulled him into a soft, tender kiss, and that was all the answer he needed. He understood.

Eventually – that is, when they had gone to visit Sonia several weeks later – Raihan had found out that the statement was true in perhaps a more literal sense than he had realized.

He had felt that he should address everything churning underneath the surface, take the next step in dealing with the aftermath of the whole ordeal. There was still a lot no one else knew about and he himself didn’t completely understand, and he supposed that having Sonia providing her insights and outsider’s perspective would be helpful. Coping with the experience would be a life-long process, but Raihan wanted to talk about it and make sense of it before it had the chance to fester into an even bigger monster. He needed to acknowledge and accept what had happened and begin laying it down to rest.

It was Raihan’s first visit to the coastal town, his first time by the sea, and his first time seeing Nessa in person. Sonia had come to greet them by the front door of the house she lived in for half the year with her fiancée. This time she had greeted Raihan with a tight embrace first and hugged him perhaps even more fiercely than she had ever hugged Leon.

And so, with steaming mugs of chamomile tea served with generous spoonfuls of honey cradled in their hands, Raihan and Leon had recounted their sides of the story and pieced together the bits of information they had. Sonia had steered the conversation with her precise questions and written down notes at breakneck speeds as they talked. After an evening of sharing theories, assumptions, educated guesses and gut feelings, they had gradually formulated a narrative that seemed coherent and made sense. Some questions had still been left unanswered, and they would probably remain a mystery. And that was okay.

In the end, what Raihan had come to understand and the one thing he was absolutely certain of was this: once something, _anything_ , touched your heart, it was there to stay. Whether the marks it left were bitter like venom or sweet like honey, they never truly disappeared; they would always be a part of you, guide your way and shape who you are. Some would grow fainter in time, and that was a good thing. Some would only deepen as time went on, and that wasn’t a bad thing.

Fragments of the past, memories of the world, recollections of emotions, engraved in your heart and safely stored there… It really was magic in and of itself, Raihan mused. The greatest magic of them all, the kind of magic that all humans had without even realizing it. It’s everything that makes us human: our feelings, our memories, our connection to the world around us, our ability to remember and learn and improve, our desire to discover and solve and understand, our love for others and ourselves and life itself. And, Raihan reckoned as he slowly blinked his eyes open, it was the only magic he really needed to have.

The human heart truly was a curious, wonderful thing.

Once his eyes were open, he was greeted with the sight of Leon looking down at him expectantly with a patient smile upon his lips and his golden eyes sparkling. The crown of dandelions he had finished was now resting on his brow, and a few strands of hair that had escaped his braid were cascading over his shoulder. Raihan brought his hand up and started twirling one of the runaway strands around his finger. It wasn’t the best braid he had ever made, not by a long shot. In his defense, he was severely out of practice, and he was getting the hang of it again. Either way, Leon didn’t mind.

Oh, right. Leon had asked him a question.

“Sorry. I was thinking about the world,” Raihan breathed. “And you.”

Leon held back a chuckle. “Even though I’m right here?” he teased, a beautiful blush rising to his cheeks. It made Raihan smile. Once he had remembered how to smile again, he couldn’t stop. Not when the world was so full of things that made his heart soar. Not when Leon was around.

“You know you’re always on my mind,” Raihan whispered and kissed the lock of hair in his hand. He was instantly rewarded with the satisfaction of seeing the flush on his beloved’s face deepening. “I’d love to hear your song, Lee,” he said. “What’s it called?”

Leon simply beamed back at him in response. “You have to scoot over so that I can play,” he pointed out after a brief pause.

“Hmm. That’s an interesting name for a song,” Raihan smirked. “I think you’d better give it some more thought, though.”

Leon stuck his tongue out at him and gently flicked his nose. “Dork,” he huffed affectionately.

Grinning, Raihan got up from Leon’s lap and shifted so that he was sitting next to him instead. He leaned his head on Leon’s shoulder and took his hand in his. His hand moved almost by instinct alone, so used it was to seeking that familiar contact, that familiar warmth. Right now, there was no place in the world he’d rather be than right there, by Leon’s side.

He knew he had made the right choice. Maybe it had been selfish, but the world he loved would only be half a world without people in it. And maybe it wasn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but he wanted to try to make the world a better place one good deed at a time, to set history on a different, better path than the one Eternatus had foreseen. Why stop defying the dragon now? After all, Raihan believed in humanity and its ability to change, adapt, evolve – to be and do better. He always had, and that belief had never faltered. Just like he had made his own decision, it was up to humankind to decide what it was like. The same was true for dragonkind as well. And who knows, maybe one day dragons would find a different way to come back as beings of blood and flesh and bone, and maybe then, given a second change, humans could find a way to live in harmony with them.

Raihan watched as Leon pulled his worn bag closer with his free hand. He really needed to make Leon a new lute bag, or at least fix his old one. The bright yarn of the summer sky embroidery was now faded and frayed in places, and some seam stitches were unraveling. Sewing was yet another skill Raihan was still in the process of relearning, but it was also coming back to him, slowly but surely.

Once Leon had managed to finagle his lute out of the bag, he heaved an amused sigh. He brought their entwined hands up to his lips and kissed the back of Raihan’s hand. “You _do_ know that I need both of my hands to play, right?”

“Maybe you should learn to play one-handed, then,” Raihan pouted. But when his comment made Leon laugh so brightly that his smile rivaled the sun, he dropped the act and joined in. After a time, he gave Leon’s hand one last squeeze before releasing it. That hand wasn’t going anywhere. He knew it would always be there for him to hold.

Leon tuned his instrument with the speed and accuracy brought by years of practice and began to play. His fingers gracefully danced on the strings, and the sparks scattering from his fingertips were barely visible in the bright daylight filtering through the leaves. The silver-and-gold tune he plucked from his lute had been years in the making, one that had subtly changed and grown over time – a melody from the past, yet still distinctly new at the same time. His voice was sure and gentle and full of warmth as he sang; like it always was, like it always had been.

Raihan closed his eyes and listened. He felt every chord and every syllable and every pause in between them ring warmly in his soul, heard the flow of time in them, tasted every moment they made him recall.

It was a song about chance encounters and unbreakable promises and intertwined lives, about the moon and the sun and shooting stars, about heartache and longing and burning memories. It was a song about a wonderful world filled with secrets and mystery and unanswered questions waiting to be discovered and solved. And, most of all, it was a song for a bright future, a song of hope and healing and a love everlasting.

And both of their hearts sang along.

* * *

* * *

( _This isn’t where the song ends._ )

( _Why, you ask?_ )

( _Let me ask_ you _something, too._ )

( _Why would it?_ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been one heck of a journey. long and sappy end note incoming!
> 
> sometimes it felt like i had bit more than i could chew with this fic. it made me slam my head against the wall repeatedly, and multiple times i was this 👌 close to just abandoning the whole thing, and i hated myself for letting the story escalate into this monstrosity (just a simple songfic, i said. maybe like 10k words max, i said. oh, how wrong i was. i ended up writing a freaking n o v e l for crying out loud)
> 
> but… but!! honestly, despite its flaws and the frustration it caused, i loved writing this fic so, so much!! and if even one other person found this passion project of mine enjoyable all the way through, i’m more than content. so, to those of you who made it this far: from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading and sticking along till the end. and extra special thanks to every single one of you that left a comment (or several)! you kept me going.
> 
> if you haven’t already, please listen to the song that gave the initial inspiration for this fic, Dragon Song by Iiris. it’s so lovely and this fic wouldn’t exist without it. (edit: [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ottJg5o2I1k) // [spotify link](https://open.spotify.com/track/0Rb0BX5Lz4r52QFFCM0R2L?si=92IGlGzUQL2dq5HF1tx_Qg))
> 
> aaaaaaaaaaaand i can’t leave this au behind just yet. i have too many ideas. keep your eyes peeled on _[bonus track](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24581503/chapters/59369635)_ for some more side stories! maybe! at some point
> 
> the times are hard and the world is a mess and there has been just too much going on all at once this year, but i want you to remember this: love the world, hold onto your sense of wonder and find solace and comfort in the tiniest of details. there’s a little bit of magic in all of us. and, despite everything, this world is worth living in.
> 
> let me know what you think i guess. peace out!


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